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Dear FDR Listener, I owe you an apology. About five months ago, I got involved with a woman who tried desperately to pull me away from philosophy. She would say, "Is there anything you don't agree with Stef on? I want to make sure you're not being brainwashed." She was interested in polyamory, and I couldn't say no. I couldn't, I wouldn't, I didn't see her for what she was... a different species. We would fight, break up, get back together, and I believed she would change. I told myself that once she got a taste of a monogamous relationship she would change, that she wouldn't have the desire for polyamory. But that wasn't the case. Two days ago I ended the relationship after a difficult final conversation. Once the initial hormones wore off, she was longing for someone else. I know it's little to do with me and a lot to do with her upbringing, with a vacant hole that her father left. I asked her, "will I ever be enough for you?" She replied honestly, "I don't think you will." And somehow I was supposed to be okay with that. So for those of you who listened to my call with Stef and who tried to warn me about the dicknapping, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. The worst part is she almost succeeded. She almost pulled me away from all the friends I made through this community. I thought to myself, maybe she's right; maybe I need to stop listening to podcasts. It's affecting my brain somehow and the way I interact with other people. I didn't realize that I was losing myself. My career suffered because of it -- I picked up everything and moved cities to be near her. I can only thank god she never got pregnant. On this Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. Most of all, I'm thankful for this community, for the people who hear the battlecry and pick up their swords to face down evil in the world. And I'm thankful for Stef for not giving up. After ten years, I'm sure there were numerous times he wanted to throw in the towel and go back to doing what was comfortable. His courage is an inspiration, and makes me want to become a better person. I so grateful for all those in my life... which isn't a lot, but it's more than I've ever had. I feel stronger than ever because of it. So again, I'm sorry for not listening. I could blame it on biology but I won't make it that easy on myself. I want to have kids more than just about anything, but I can't let that blind me to the sustenance of my soul. I can't let lust shape and define my future. There are no compromises when it comes to values in relationships. Either you're on the same team, or you're not. Something tells me that in the years to come, we will need people who are on our team. Until that day comes, keep spreading the message of philosophy. Look closely at those around you. Just because someone's an anarchist doesn't automatically make them a good person. Just because someone claims to recognize the value of peaceful parenting doesn't mean that person is compatible. We want shortcuts when it comes to relationships, but the evidence reveals itself very quickly if you know what to look for. The hormones will get in the way, which is why you've got to have friends who have your back. Don't let it get to a second date without getting the opinion of someone who will tell it to you straight. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it helps if I can serve as an example to others of what not to do. Thank you and take care. Video: Note: The call-in show I reference is "FDR 3082: The Gl0ryh0le 0f S0cietal C0llapse - September 23rd, 2015" For more on what I learned from this short-lived relationship: What I Learned From My Last Relationship