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Tried to post this yesterday (so its actually day two now) but connection was poor so I'll post it now: Just got through podcasts 830-833 and a quote really resonated with me when Stef speaks about a listener who criticises Christina's (spelling?) general stance against using drugs and alcohol. Stef basically says "She's into people living in reality and drugs distort your relationship to reality.". Until today my routine has been to get off work, go home, smoke a bowl, play video games, go to bed. I dont drink as often as many people I know which is probably a higher amount of people than most considering I work in the bar industry and alcoholism runs in my family, some times ill just have beer or two but the times I drink to get drunk, I get drunk fast, i become even more socially akward, i throw up and fail to remember things the next day while also feeling like absolute shit. I also dont have very much fun usually when Im drinking because, as Stef says in the podcasts mentioned above, it kinda hollows you out and nothing substantial can really be discussed or related to especially considering the people your with are probably not exactly philosophers. I'm always tired and I RARELY do anything productive. I have a shitty job. My house is a mess. I never have any money and there is a list a mile long of things I need to do but keep putting off, mostly because I have no money and its just easier to go home and get high and play video games. The list goes on. I'm twenty eight and I have a son whos mother is very controlling and strictly limits my time with my son which is exteremely hard on him as she has him in a catholic school and absolutely uses him as an emotional sponge but here I am doing nothing useful to fight it short of attempting to teach him about love and logic when he's with me for a few hours on the weekold. Anyways I could go on for hours about this but the point is that today I decided to forgo the weed. It was so tempting and I haven't thrown it in the garbage yet... It seems like a waste and I thought maybe I would give the leftovers to a friend but I should probably just flush it down the toilet... Anyways today is day one. Instead of going home to wallow in my sorrows I went to see a movie with my two little brothers, 13 and 15 years old respectively, hung out with them a bit and told them that I'm on day one of no drugs no alchoh, and then I went home, stared at the weed a bit but kept true to not smoking it, instead I downloaded the recent rogan/molyneux podcast I've been meaning to listen to, I shaved for the first time in three weeks and now I'm writing this post. I'll try to keep you posted but of course if I relapse (so to speak) I probably won't keep you posted... Anyways please wish me luck! Any advice or comments or criticisms of any kind are most welcome! Please be honest as fuck with me and don't pull any punches, my sons future may well depend on it.