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Greetings true bel ... oops, wrong intro .... try again - sorry Stan. Hello all! Long story made short (unless somebody really wants the longer version over skype or something): I've shared an 8-year relationship with a woman that has been my friend for about 9-10 years (I'm 34- she's 33). We separated in the summer of 2013 and after much communication (and mutual listening to FDR podcasts, etc...) we've gotten ourselves to a point where we feel more committed and passionate about moving forward as a couple, but we have a hurdle we must cross in the form of the 2000+ mile distance created when we separated in June 2013 (she moved to Montana). It was during the separation that most of the difficult conversations and negotiations took place to bring us to this point. I visited in her in December, to be sure we were on the right track, and it was shortly after my return that I decided the relationship was worth a deeper commitment. Fast forward through more conversation and negotiation, and we come to the issue: I'm now preparing to move to MT in May to be with her. But, I'm experiencing frequent bouts of ambivalence about my moving out there, and I don't understand why. I have some ideas and theories, but nothing clear, nothing "AH HA!" I have a history of not listening to myself ... so, is this one of those times when I'm trying to tell myself that going out there isn't the smartest of ideas? I keep working through it, trying to understand the ambivalence. All of the reasons are fear of the unknown, as best as I can tell at this point. Fear of the job market, fear of leaving my current job, fear of her and I not being able to make it (financially) and have to move away again, fear of feeling overly dependent on her parents until she and I can find our own place. And the worst fear of all, is that I still don't trust myself, not completely. I have mismanaged (not being open nor emotionally available, sadistic, prone to manipulation) the last several years of my life, and while I no longer abuse myself over it, I'm still raw and uncertain about that history. Kind of like a broken arm that is freshly healed - it's tender and requires more care than normal. She is willing to come back here, despite it not being her preference. We've both said, "I don't care where we live, or if we have to live in a damn trailer, home is where you are." Right now, the money is here, but my current employer won't last much longer (business is failing), but there are a couple of other opportunities here I may be able to take advantage of if I work my ass off to show my value to these potential employers. When I think of her coming back, the ambivalence disappears, and I feel relaxed - more in control of the situation. Moving to Montana feels like "OMG, the pilot just passed out, quick somebody fly this damn thing - aaahh mountains!" There are pros and cons to living in each area, for the both of us. What I'm concerned about is understanding this near constant ambivalence. Am I trying to warn myself away because I don't believe it's an economically viable choice, or am I just expressing my habitual aversion to risk and lack of courage to commit to a major decision? I understand feeling afraid and uncertain about such a major decision, but I can't help wondering why I'm so scared some times. I've never done anything like this before, and most of my life has been very easy and lucky. Most of what I have is due to luck, not because I have proven my value to an employer and am being fairly compensated, and certainly not because I took any risks to get here. I don't have a job lined up, but I'm a pretty smart guy and am networking as best as I can so I can hit the ground running when I get there. I'm sure I'd eventually find a job, but the economy out there is such that there may not be the opportunity that I have here. I could try to make my own opportunity, but that is something I'd have to figure out when I get there as it would be far easier to work locally. She and I both considering going back to 2-year technical school where I can expand my internet technology knowledge, and she would refocus on her first college interest of a job in the medical industry (sonographer, surgical tech, something like that). I have enough money to move myself out there with some savings to spare, but not much. I'd be perfectly happy to help cover the expense of her moving back since she won't have enough to cover the return move to PA, if that is what we decided to do. We both agree we need to continue improving our relationship by being together - long distance is no longer cutting it. The fact that we were able to repair things and actually improve them at such a great distance is something I value highly, and I'm not letting go of that easily. She and I share a firm philosophical solidarity, something I really came to appreciate when I tried dating other people during our separation. What do you guys think? Would anybody be willing to help me understand what's going on for me? I have no problem with forums, but I generally prefer skype because it's more efficient, and I enjoy the immediate feedback loop of a live conversation. Plus, I'm a talker, but not nearly as much as the legendary BCF.