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Today I remembered an incident from when I was 16 and in sailing camp on the river Thames for a month. Maybe 30 of the other children/young adults had already left and only 5 of us remained the last week. The counselor, Philip, was around 25 as far as I could tell, and I liked him, we got along fine. His girlfriend was visiting and she had prepared dinner for all 7 in the house. As we were eating Philip asked what we thought of the chicken, and I was feeling safe there, I wasn't on guard and watching myself like usual, so I didn't think and simply replied "A bit dry". At that he got really mad at me, saying how I was ungrateful and insensitive, that (I don't recall her name) had taken trouble to prepare dinner for us and all I could do was complain. I was taken aback, quite ashamed of myself for being so self-absorbed. After that I was tense the last few days and I didn't have much fun. If I had known how to talk to myself and others without always shaming or blaming, which would have allowed me to be more connected to myself, and in turn more connected to others (in other words if I had learned how to communicate more effectively*), I might have recognized that Philip's question wasn't about the food, that maybe he was a bit uncomfortable because his girlfriend was new in the group and what he really wanted was for everyone to feel at ease, and he was trying to get a conversation going. Instead of taking his question litterally I might have replied "I rather like it**, and I appreciate that (Cynthia?) prepared it for us. Are you a bit concerned perhaps that everybody's silent, and you would like us all to feel at ease and talk and have a good time together?". I believe this would have made for a much more pleasant dinner for all of us, and a more enjoyable last few days of camp after that. Of course if Philip had learned to express himself more authentically and to take more responsibility for his interpretations, that could have worked too, to make our time together more enjoyable for all. *especially NonViolent Communication, which is where I'm learning about observation vs interpretation/evaluation, and what each person is feeling, and what's important to each person right now, etc. **which was true: the slight dryness was the only problem I could find with it and it was minor for me, I liked everything else, maybe I was just trying to be helpful by giving feedback since that's how I had understood the question to be about.