Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'connectivity'.
-
I have a friend who has an indoor garden, full of pots and plants that he enjoys taking care of. Planting seeds and watering them brings him immense joy. As for me, I don't really care for planting or gardening. I think it's boring and dirty, it's something I would never do, or at least won't at present. But when we're in a conversation and it comes up, I like to ask him about what he enjoys about it, what new vegetables or fruits he's gonna grow next, and what it's like to have such a hobby. And my interest is genuine. I'm not just asking questions for the sake of keeping the conversation going, I genuinely care. Why? Because when people share things with me, their joy is my joy, even if what they're talking about is stuff I won't engage in. Whether it's watching a certain TV show or movie, reading a book, or playing a video game, whatever it is! I sense that certain activities people bring up bring them joy, and I find it to be an incredible opportunity to get to understand that person better. Sometimes I'll listen to a song of a genre or artist I don't really care for, but take the time to appreciate it for a moment to put myself in the shoes of my friends, and we can have great discussions about it without me ever listening to that song again. Other times, giving other people's preferences a chance gets ME to adapt the same interest. Whatever the outcome is, what I think is most important in these instances is giving people the chance to express their joy in their interests. I remember Stefan mention sharing a Pink Floyd song with one of his friends and he felt disappointed that his friend just talked over the song and not even asked him what he liked about it. I can relate. There's one time where I wanted to talk about The Fault in Our Stars and how much it moved me because I have experienced love and loss myself. The story is also about cancer and it reminded me of the grief I experienced a decade ago when a friend of mine died of cancer. This is how much the story means to me and wanted to share that with everyone in a room one time, and one person just kept saying it was "average." Every time I brought up something I enjoyed about it, someone just kept on saying "it was average." With no reason to backing it up, and just saying it didn't do anything for them. Eventually, I confronted this person and expressed how I felt dismissed when he shared his detail lacking opinion on the story. Only after acknowledging his callousness (half sarcasm) did I feel free to continue sharing about it at greater depth than "it was well written. It is a nice story." This has been on my mind for a long time, if anyone has any thoughts on what I like to call The Philosophy of Sharing. When people share their favourite hobbies and interests with you, even in just a conversation as opposed to getting you to experience it with them, I believe that this is the right way to go about it. Yes you can have your opinions because conversations are a two way street, but I think it's optimal to ask the other person's thoughts on something you're not familiar with. I personally think it's a conversation killer to give your opinion and not ask questions in these instances. Not everyone is going to be assertive enough to keep on talking if they're not asked to say more, and not everyone is going to be assertive enough to express their feelings of dismissal. What are your thoughts and experiences with sharing your favourite stuff with people who are not familiar with your interests?
- 4 replies
-
- connection
- connectivity
-
(and 2 more)
Tagged with: