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I'm having a problem with committing to a philosophical approach to my choices. Each time I have an idea of a course of action that will further my pursuit of self-knowledge(for example talking with my mother about my early childhood or journaling or going for a run) I resort instead to acting in a self-soothing manner(eating too much when I probably shouldn't be or playing videogames or youtube etc). It seems I'll do just about anything to avoid bringing all the abstract ideas I accept about the virtue of self knowledge into concrete behavior and I find that strange. This problem goes into my intellectual and creative pursuits too, and when I stop and see what I'm doing I feel very frustrated with myself. I can sometimes start to get myself to do some self-knowledge but the harder I try to start again the harder I snap back into the self-soothing. In this way I see the self soothing as an addiction. An exaggeration for sure, but I think it helps frame the action as wrong or unhelpful. It may not be or may not have been in the past, but it is getting in the way of my pursuit of a better life. I also see the behavior as running away. Turning tail and running from the truth, as if it's something to be afraid of. If I stop and think about it I feel incredibly anxious and restless. I want to act courageously but it seems to be the most difficult thing for me to do. I would like some thoughts or questions or if anyone has gone through similar struggles I'd like to hear the story of how you dealt with it. If anyone wants to hear a bit about my childhood, ask.