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It is hard for me to describe my last 24 hours...for the first time in my life I feel insane. My problem began yesterday while lying on my bed and listening to the 2701 podcast. Near the end Stefan had a discussion with a guy with autism who was also gay, at the moment of that conversation's twist (when he said that he was homosexual) something broke inside me...it is mind numbing to me why I was triggered by that conversation, I continued listening until the end with a big void in my stomach. It is essential to mention that I'm straight but I always had sympathy for homosexuals, but since that conversation I started looking at guys in a completely twisted way it is like I fell half-homosexual and I don't get sexually aroused by hot girls as much as couple of days ago. And that's just the beginning...my body is tense, my mind goes in circles, I am hyperactive (feel the need to walk all the time, I make sudden weird body movements at fast speed) also I cannot focus at all, even writing this post took me more than 30 minutes. Strange thoughts spring in my head out of the blue, and the most unsettling part for me is that I cannot think clearly, I'm generally very good at mental math and having arguments in my head, and analyzing social situations, now it's like I just drink 5 cup of coffees in a row, my mind is fogging a lot. Something in the back of my mind is bothering me and I simply don't know what it is, and I don't see any connection between all that I said, I feel helpless and I can't stand listening to music anymore, I'm scared, please help me! P.S.: I never did drugs nor smoked and I barely drink alcohol, I always had a bit of compulsive-impulsive disorder that would make me from time to time to obsess about some of my body parts and I also feel the need to organize my stuff and my PC, I'm not sure if that relates in any sense with my state at the moment but the way I feel when I had panic attacks and feel depressed has a bit of resemblance with my current state. Please excuse my grammatical errors in case I made any, I am not a native.

Hello people! I had a personal revelation a few days ago that I wanted to share with the board. Approximately 1 year ago I experienced quite a depression. My weeks would be characterized by extremes. One day I'd be really happy, and the next I'd be in extremely depressed with myself. I could actually predict when I'd get my downs, most of the time down to the day, with a few days head start. Anyway, at this time of my life, I would be drawn to certain fantasies. These would show up in my head during my depressed days. And I remember that they were really alluring, but I tried not to let myself lose myself in them, because they felt scary and uncomfortable. But, at the same time, they'd feel very good, in a bittersweet kind of way I guess (hence why I had to struggle to not go along with them)? Now, I haven't felt the urge to seek out these fantasies for a very long time. But, for whatever reason, a few days ago, I felt one of these fantasies knocking on my door. That's when I realized that I had had these kind of fantasies before (I had forgotten about them), and that perhaps they had some insight that I could benefit from. Alas, I have only (I think at least) managed to figure out the common theme in these fantasies, but not much else. But still, I feel that this is an important discovery for me. I thought I'd share the fantasies I had. So, the two most recurring types (and most detailed) of scenarios that I would indulge in where: 1: For some reason, people around me think I am mentally ill. I am dragged away to a mental hospital. I know that I am not ill, and fight all the way there. But, when I get there, the staff there injects me with different kinds of drugs to keep me in an almost coma-like state. I am physically imprisoned in the hospital, and mentally through the drugs the give me, for a long time, perhaps a few years. However, for some reason (inaccurate diagnosis or something), the staff realize they have made a mistake and I am released. But it's to late, all the drugs I were given have made me unstable, angry and emotionally distant. The rest of the fantasy, the shortest part of it, is about how I am nurtured back to mental health with great patience and empathy, often by a girl(friend?). 2: I have a girlfriend. In some way or another, someone vicious from my teenage years (a nasty verbal bully), manages to convince my girlfriend that I have cheated on her. This fantasy is a bit harder for me to remember completely, but it ends up with me being beaten down by some people that are friends with my girlfriend. Later on, she realizes that I hadn't cheated on her, and she tries to come into contact with me again. But I refuse to see her, because I am think I could be beaten down again. Now, I think I understand the theme of these fantasies. And that is that I am right, but doubted by others. This results in me getting hurt, leaving scars on me forever. Has anybody else experienced something similar to this? If so, were you able to learn something from it?