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I quit my job a week ago. I was supporting a proprietary industrial control system that was, as of six months ago, going to be phased out.The job was turning out to be a dead-end. This job represented a big change in pay and I was able to squirrel away alot of money in savings. This job also was teaching me new skills and entrusted alot of customer relation aspects to me to figure it out and make it work. I liked that aspect and received regular feedback that I was able to satisfy customers while resolving complex technical issues with out-in-the-field technicians. The company troubles started when the founder of died. A few days after he died, the R&D dept. (for our next gen controller) was axed. They had just finished final testing and were about to start field testing with clients who were willing to participate. I can not make business sense of the timing. After this happened our engineers and higher up managers basocally stopped coming into work except for a couple of days out of the week. Things were looking really bad and our customers were starting to stop engaging with my company. It seemed like this company was nearing the end of the road, everyone knew it but nobody would talk about it or address the problems with the company. We woukd always get the fake corporate double speak of "great changes" and "just about to turn the corner" while doing nothing different or having a plan of recovery. Anyways, months ago I let my boss know that I was looking for new employment and my boss surprised me by saying he was as well but not to tell anyone. I said I would let him know when I found a new job. Well things kept deteriorating and people started getting petty and stressful. Every molehill was a mountain. I finally had to quit because the stress was way too much. Now Im getting nightmares about conflicts between my old boss and a different nightmare of being stuck in Japan due to a massive volcanic eruption. How do I make these stop? Im already under alot of stress and its very difficult to have a normal sleep cycle. I need to study and focus because I would like to make my resumé look better with some technical certifications.

I had an interesting dream this morning which I would like to share with you and I also would greatly appreciate some help analyzing. Backstory: I had a relationship with my ex girlfriend for about 5-6 months about a year ago. She really liked me in the beginning but it ended with her wanting to stay friends instead as the relationship progressed. I didn't think that would work for me so we parted ways. She has since found a well paying job she really wanted and moved on with her life. Part of me have not gotten over her and still misses her and hopes to get back together. The dream: So the dream started with me seeing my ex girlfriend in some kind of cafe in the city, this cafe had a maze like outdoor serving veranda covered in glass where people was sitting down. I was navigating myself through multiple tight doorways which i almost had to squeezed myself through until I got outside. Finally outside she is now in front of me and I felt relieved and happy seeing her. (I wasn't feeling as anxious as I do if I happen to see here in real life). We are doing some catching up and she said something about how she likes that she is surrounded by water where she works. *The place she works for in real life has a building that is in fact surrounded by water, although I don't she works in this particular building. While we're talking I wanted to end the conversation pretty quickly, not because I didn't want to talk to her, but so as to seem as I was not clinging on to her, like I had no romantic feelings for her and to prove that to her that by suddenly exiting the conversation. To assert myself and my independence. * I Hope this makes sense. As I finally said "Well it was nice seeing you, take care" and started turning left to walk away, she suddenly looked surprised and invited me saying something like, "Why don't we go together?". I got surprised at her invitation but I could help myself in accepting the invitation and I was feeling happy and hopeful, like this was the outcome I had hoped for. However. The wind was picking up and suddenly the wind with a storm like force was pushing me back and I was forced to lean ridiculously into the wind, think Michael Jackson lean, struggling to get my footing down to counter the wind and move forward. However I did not move much at all and the wind was picking up sand, leaves and debris making it difficult to see. I lost sight of her, she was now nowhere to be seen and I tough she must be much further away from me. I was looking for her further down a steepening road but couldn't see her. I started to wonder how she could manage this wind/storm when she is much lighter and not as strong as me. Then I wake up. The key parts in the dream I feel are: - Maze like glassed in veranda with very small door openings. I was almost to big to get through - Her inviting me to join her - The storm/wind - Losing sight of her - Step downhill road ahead What are your thoughts? Is this dream about my ex or does it represent something else? Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you have any comment or suggestion please feel free to share.

I think I had a dream that might be very helpful to some people if it means what I think it means. I was lost in an airsoft arena (for anyone who doesn't know that's paintball but with plastic bbs) that was more of a plywood maze than a coherent arena. I had one of my real steel guns with me (I'd been shooting the day before) but it had no ammo. I wanted to find my way out, but I had no clue where I was. I decided to follow this kid, a 10 year old boy in full gear who navigated like a pro, and as I followed him I'd get lit up by players who either didn't see my hands up or just wanted to shoot at me because I was defenseless. Another thing, I only had shorts on, no protection so the bbs stung like hell. We were making our way very slowly, and I had taken a lot of shots and was getting irritated. Finally I started searching around on the ground for airsoft magazines that would fit my gun and still had some bbs in them. I found a small magazine with odd looking bbs. They had the shape of practice rounds for police training courses, like little pills cut in half. I loaded them and let the bolt chamber a round, but it discharged and accidentally shot the kid in front of me in the head. The sound was deafening and everyone around us stopped. The kid in front of me collapsed to the ground. I threw my gun and picked him up. I saw there was a hole in the back of his helmet. I'd somehow loaded live ammo. I checked his cheeks to see if any blood was trickling. There wasn't any flowing, but I knew he was dead. I started to cry. I could feel myself crying, but I could only hear ringing. And right in front of us was a huge hole in the wall, right around the corner, that lead to a park with a calm pond, sunny and beautiful. I think the dream represents my journey through FDR so far and how I've been backsliding into forms of verbal abuse online. The arena represents the world. The airsoft bbs/guns represent dysfunction and abuse. The child who leads me is my true self/inner child. The arena/world is a place of uncertainty and fear where dysfunctional people can pop out of nowhere and attack you at any time. Me having my gun means I have the capacity for abuse, but keeping it unloaded means I choose not to participate. Wearing only shorts means I'm very vulnerable, which makes sense considering striving for virtue requires vulnerability. My child self is the kid in all the gear picking players off and slowly advancing towards the exit. But when I pick up bbs that I can fire back at these people, they aren't just bbs. They turn into real bullets. That's why I had a real gun. I realized how deadly and corrosive this abuse can be, and that's why I kept it empty. I still have the capacity to abuse, but I choose not to. And that explains why everyone else had bb guns. The shots didn't hurt like bullets, they only stung like bbs because I'm becoming immune to abuse. Everyone has real guns and real bullets. The abuse is 100% deadly, but only if you shoot back. And that explains why I shot the kid. By loading what I thought was just bbs, in truth I was loading 100% deadly live ammo, because abuse is perceived to the true self as just that. Live fire. And when I loaded my gun, I was choosing to abuse. And the only person an abusive me hurts is my true self. That's why I accidentally shot him in the back of the head. The second I choose that path, my true self is dead. And freedom was just around the corner. Is anyone else struggling with resisting the urge to be snarky or "clever" in comment sections and discussions? I can resist it to the point of seeing it for what it really is and losing the urge but sometimes things slip through.

I haven't dreamposted before, but I think this one will be very interesting. The dream felt like it lasted about 5 seconds, but it was very profound. I started out in dark, dreamless sleep, then all of a sudden I looked up, and found myself inside some kind of large sewage or storm water drainage pipe, which was covered at the end by a sturdy metal grill which was blocking my exit (image on the left). I looked out through the end of the pipe, and found it led to a murky swamp. Just a few metres in front of me in the swamp was a large crocodile sitting very still, watching me. Through some hills in the background I saw a huge city, glistening in the sunlight. I don't know why, but I felt like I had to get there. I decided to see if there was an exit behind me, and when I turned around, I saw a wall of water rushing towards me, which meant I was trapped and going to drown (image on the right). I woke up. I heard Stefan say in one of his podcasts, talking about a dream a listener had, that crawling through a tunnel or hole usually represents some kind of re-birth. p.s. apologies for my shoddy MS Paint skills

this one is really simple. i had a dream that i woke up in my bed in the dead of night. i noticed there was a mouse in my room, and it had a yellow tag with a number on it. i watched it dart around my room, sitting up in my bed. it didn't take notice of me. after a while, another mouse appeared. then another and another and then some more, all with yellow tags. i also noticed a toad appeared as well. i remember counting about 6 mice at the time. i looked for the source of their entry, and found them coming in from the gap underneath the door to the bathroom, where they were popping in one by one every second. these mice i saw coming in had no yellow tags. i looked around again and now i noticed that my room was now littered with crickets, toads, and lizards. i saw some of them eating the crickets, but at this point i was starting to panic, wondering if the mice were hostile and would try to bite me. i was still in my bed, which sits on the floor with no bed-rails, but none of the creatures had climbed in, so i got the sense i was safe there. i put my head on my pillow in exasperation and closed my eyes, and sleep overcame me for a short time. when i "woke up" from this, i looked around my room again, finding only 2 mice, exploring the small piles of dirty clothes on the floor. i got out of bed, and opened the door to my bathroom, finding it completely empty, however i did find holes underneath the vanity, at which point i woke up from this dream. the night before: my roommates had kept me up very late, talking and laughing quite loud from the living room. i didn't want to kill the mood, but i also wanted to walk out there and tell them to quiet down. so i just put up with it. i've been trying to assert my preferences more recently and usually do so when i'm confronting a single person, but i think i might have been afraid to do so with multiple people. what does this dream mean?

I have just woken up to a really fascinating dream and I think there's potentially a lot to it. There's a lot of interesting elements that complete it as it delves into the nature of political power. Perhaps people can help me about what it means? I had woken up when the sun was out and had a dream about losing my bag with my phone at a market with my school mates before this dream. I fell back asleep. I was sitting on the first row of white pews for the lack of a better word, similar to the rows of seats you would see at a stadium but not as many seats and they weren't retractable. Only about 4 rows or so each towering above the one in front. We were inside a massive hall so big that the roof seemed non-existent. The place was completely lit up except for the details of the halls architecture as it was unimportant. I didn't care for the source of light. I was with my high school class peers but I distinctly remember only two being of my class friends being present (I am finishing year 12 right now and we have finished our last classes so I won't be seeing them at school ever again except for the one friend who I talk to in the dream when we do our chemistry exam). We were wearing casual clothes. I think I was wearing shorts. Opposite of the pews was another set of pews facing towards us. Between us laid a 10 metre wide green carpet than ran down the lane of pews to somewhere which I had not seen. In those pews were famous names. Right opposite of me was the royal family. Queen Elizabeth, Prince Phillip, etc. I assume Kate Middleton was there too. Next to them further down were politicians, intellectuals and powerful men. They all had light colourful clothes. Light blue shirts, light green shirts, etc. The men wore trousers. Some of them were making a fuss and having conversations but the royal family were silent and unified. We were located in some place in Melbourne, Australia which is my home city. Someone was making an announcement into a microphone at the end of the carpet which I never glanced towards. I didn't hear exactly what they were speaking about but I knew to stand up as everyone else was. There was slow patriotic music playing over the speaker. Everyone held their heart with their right hand and took a bow then made a flourishing gesture with both hands. I played along to fit in but I had no idea what we were making allegiance to. To me it didn't exist and it felt a little uncomfortable. We sat back down and I looked right down the pews and saw Ronald Reagan standing up making a fuss. A minute or two later my class stood up because we were about to leave the hall. My friend stood beside me and I mentioned the famous people and said, "You know, I know the names of all those people who were sitting opposite to us". He was bewildered and said "Oh reallllly?". It seemed to me that he had no idea who any one of those people were, even the queen! Then I left the hall and saw my other friend running around the place but I had no conversation with him. There were no girls, It's an all boys school. I exited the hall through the mist of the crowd not paying attention to any faces and walked to the outside to the side of the hall where there was a simple concrete building with glass panels that ran down one side above the waist and a glass door next to those glass panels. I entered inside and inside was a lounge. Simply a square room with a round table with chairs in the middle slightly off to the top right corner and I assume there was a coffee maker and snacks on the other table in the corner. There were also black couches for leisure. The room was pretty busy, many people were having conversations. In the room were many of the famous people whom were mostly chatting with us mortals having interviews and so forth. The atmosphere was very casual but busy. I entered and looked around eagerly. To my left was a couch a metre away from the wall with the glass panels and it was left to the door facing roughly towards the centre of the room. On it was an unoccupied black man (I'm european) turned away from me sitting on one of the cushions closest to me. He wore a fine business suit. I walked around and glimpsed at him and looked at the clip board which had the name "BEN CARSON" and it had extra sheets of paper for writing. I didn't need it, I put it on the other cushion and sat down next to him. I said "Hey! Ben Carson?". He smiled and calmly said "Hello". He spoke very calmly and clearly throughout. I asked him how his career was going to grease up the wheels. I can't remember exactly what he said as it was of little importance to me. We then went on and then came the moment. I said, "What do you think about libertarianism, you know neoliberalism. I know it's rather popular in the United States". He said, "Well, what does it have to do with politics?". It sounded to me that he was asserting that we need a robust political system to keep integrity and that libertarianism is loosey goosey and could never be established. Perhaps that's not what he really meant. Perhaps he was saying that all he cares about is power so he does what he can to attain power. I too was assertive. I closed my eyes in concentration and said, "Politics is a branch of philosophy concerned with the way that human behaviour is organised. Libertarian theory simply is that human behaviour is organised such that all relations are voluntary". I gulped on that last word. During the time I had said that I was trying to keep my eyes open but I just couldn't open them. I forced them open with my fingers but they only stayed open for a second and I made no eye contact with him during these two sentences. After I had said that my eyes opened and a girl about the same age as me (18) sat down on the other cushion so now all the cushions were occupied and I was in the middle. Ben Carson went on talking but I was distracted because the girl was pushing on my legs and sat strangely close. I never made eye contact with her. I saw Ben leaving with a friendly expression on his face that I should follow him so I did follow him and left the girl to sit alone. I followed Ben outside and he then turned to me and made a joke. I couldn't register it but he mentioned "Atlas Shagged" at the end and so we both laughed. We walked side by side and I mentioned Atlas Shrugged and told him it's a book he MUST read and that it is pinnacle to libertarianism. I said this despite never reading the book myself but I knew it was the most popular of Ayn Rand's books. I had just read some of The Fountainhead. We walked down the main street which I was familiar with. The sun was setting, it was about 7pm. The sky was turning orange and the restaurants had their fire lamps on. He mumbled "What are we going to do?" and I said "don't worry, we will be best friends". We both laughed. I took out a skate board. The footpaths were empty so he pushed me while I was on my skate board and I went super fast. Faster than I could go just by pushing with my legs. I stopped and skated back towards him. I only saw one pedestrian. At first I thought it was my friend whom I had not spoken to but as I got closer and he got closer I realised it was a short, skinny brown guy with dreadlocks. His eyes were wide open and he wore a colourful singlet. He pace was fast and he had an abnormal walk. It wasn't aggressive but just abnormal. He walked past us. I skated back and forth a couple times and then we passed an small anglican church that was amongst the shops and restaurants. He said "hold on" and I saw him enter the church assuming he's going in for the prayer. I waited patiently outside. Then I woke up. So I thought this dream was really fascinating as it delved into the nature of a politician and it had a little to do about me as well. I think what he said about libertarianism is very interesting. It is to do with fatherlessness? What do you think about it?

I thought I'd share a dream I had last night. I'd be open to any analysis you might provide. I was wandering through a suburban neighborhood with tools in my hands. Something like a shovel in my left hand, and a power tool of some kind in my right. The power tool was not a real brand; it had CAD written on it. I stopped at a corner, and saw a team of laborers preparing to do some yard work. Then I saw Stefan come out of the house and walk to the corner of the lot, in my direction. He was priming a weed whacker. Glancing at my tools, he said, "Going to do some yard work?" I realized I didn't actually know what I was doing with the tools. "Just looking for some work to do," I replied. "It looks like you've got quite the project started. Need an extra hand?" He gestured for me to join him. He led me to a line of potted plants on a plot of bare, dry soil. I asked him some question about what he wanted planted where. He interrupted me with a wave of his hand and said, "I don't care, just put them all in the ground. I trust you to know just as well as I could tell you." A few times throughout the dream, I asked him about whether the plants were placed correctly, to which he again waved his hands and told me to just get it done; it was fine. Once all the plants were submerged in the dry soil, it occurred to me they would die if there was not enough moisture. As I was asking if he had a hose to water them, I felt a stabbing, burning sensation all over my back. Then I looked down and saw a stream of red ants coming from the place I had disturbed the soil, and on up my legs. I asked Stefan (and someone next to me, who I never really saw) to get them off of me. Then I woke up. While some of the implications of this dream seem obvious to me, a casual observer may have a better angle on it. As I attain more self-knowledge, I've noticed my dreams have become more vivid, and their meaning more overt. It seemed to me that "the work" was both the work of self-knowledge, and of spreading philosophy in the world. I had some 'tools' associated with philosophy before, but I didn't know what I was doing with them. I don't know what the implications of "CAD" might be, but I suspect it is not random. Stefan in the dream saw that I had tools associated with his own endeavors, and asked about them. This seems pretty straightforward; when I first heard Stefan's work in real life, I noticed for the first time the tools that I carried, and saw how they might be of use. Stef's garden in the dream was the place I could best put my skills to use. In real life, it is in the endeavor of spreading philosophy and attaining self-knowledge, which I share with Stef, that I can achieve the greatest fulfillment. I'm not quite sure what the implications of the planting process are. I can only relate it with Stefan's insistence that shouldn't be looked at as someone to follow or obey, but rather someone to listen to, and then make decisions according to principles. Maybe his dismissiveness with the specifics of the planting has to do with an eagerness to move the work along, and not get caught up on details. The red ants seem to me to be the worldly consequences of engaging in this work. Just like one must accept the possibility, even likelihood of things like biting insects while gardening, one must equally anticipate the sting of social ostracism and rejection when engaging with self-knowledge and living by principles. Just thought I would share, in case any find this interesting. Upon further consideration, it was surprising to me, after three years listening to Stefan, that this was the first dream I can recall with him.

What does it mean to control your dream?

Hello! I have a recurrent theme in my dreams: regardless of what I am dreaming about, there often is a moment where I have to do something, but a minute task that prevents me from doing it extends to infinity, effectively blocking me from doing that thing and thus creating a rising sensation of anxiety and helplessness in me. A recent example would be that in the story of my dream, I wanted to travel to a certain city, and some people were waiting for me with their car to take me there. I hadn't payed for it or known them very well, sort of like hitchhiking scenario, so I very much depended on their patience and kindness. So when these people arrived before my house, I went in to get my things. Suddenly, however, there were hundreds of shoes, so I couldn't find mine. It was as if the entire world froze down, and I kept looking for mine with a very slow speed - all the while my anxiety level was rising, knowing that these people would leave if I kept them waiting for too long. After I had finally found it, I remembered that I also have to take my bag, and then the whole idea of searching and not finding began again. When I was in school a different example might be being asked for a homework, and then my bag turning into a container of infinity where there was everything but my homework. The purest form of this dream was when I dreamed that I didn't even have a conscious target or goal, but I just had to do something but my movements and actions all happened in slow-motion, and I knew I wasn't getting to my goal, though I didn't even know what it was. These moments in my dreams never really end in any way, I never get to finish my action or be faced with any consequences of not finishing it. It just keep dreaming on with all the anxiety and feelings of helplessness until something wakes me up. Have you ever had such dreams? I don't feel a sense of lacking control in my real life, so I am in a sense baffled by these dreams. What could they mean? What do they tell me about myself?

I have recently had the great joy of watching, and pondering, a lecture by Swami Sarvapriyananda about an understanding of the "self", according to the Vedanta - a philosophical stream in the Hinduist religious tradition, based on philosophical teachings and texts. I am not, myself, a Hindu, Vedanti, or religious person. A [ridiculously short] summary of his arguments, from my understanding, is: 1) The knower and the known are separate. I am aware of my experiences, but I am not them [strictly], because I observe them. 2) The knower, in this case - my consciousness (self), is unknown. We have no means of observing it, separately, neither practically nor logically. I am the knower, so I can only experience myself, but not observe myself as an object. 3) The knower, this witness to experiences, is the same thing in all living beings and existence. Instead of turning us into metaphysical abstracts, this conclusion actually infers that we are all the projections of the same core thing, like many dreams inside one mind, and thus everything is undivided in nature. 4) Realizing this knowledge, both intellectually and experientially, means we can act out of wisdom, rather than out of ignorance. We don't mistake experiences to be our entire identity; I am not [only] my feelings. What do you guys and gals think about this? Disclaimer: I actually watched his much longer double lecture (Part 1, Part 2) about this, before this short video. There he goers into much detail, with examples on the board (written), so I highly recommend it, if you find these notions worth thinking about.

Had a dream with Stef in it last night and just want to share. In the dream I was sitting at a table with Stef on the left side of the table relative to me. We were having a chat like he would do on the call in show. At first I wasn't making eye contact and was reading supporting evidence to him from a book or something instead of connecting emotionally. I caught myself and engaged. He asked some questions. I dove into the issue and identified a painful experience, acknowledged it and felt some relief. I remember a little bit of the dream before that and it had to do with me communicating with my sister. That's about all I remember. I wish I could remember the topic we discussed at the table but alas I was so caught up in the fact that I was having a talk with Stef and having a breakthrough that I do not remember what the breakthrough was. Likely it had to do with me remembering a day or so ago that, as a child of 8 or so, I hit my sister on the head with a plastic toy rake because I was very angry. I'm not even sure I was angry at her. It split her scalp and she was really bleeding. I also remember once when I was only a little more than 2 and she was a very small infant that I pushed her stroller off the porch. My mom had stepped back just inside the door to get something, my two older brothers had run off to the car or somewhere and could not see me. I pushed the stroller. There was a burst of anger with that experience too. Afterward I remember being really horrified that I might have hurt her badly. My mom screamed and it was a bit of chaos for a moment. I think my sister was alright but it was really scary and terrifying for a while. And I had caused it all. But my mom did not know I had done it. She was horrified that she had not secured the stroller. I felt all kinds of stuff during those few moments. My sister is in Texas and I am in Virginia and/or South Carolina. I wanted to see her in person but that is not likely to happen soon so I have it on my weekend agenda to talk to her via phone and apologize for all the horrible things I did to her when we were kids and open a new dialogue. We are not estranged but I feel it is important to start this conversation anyway. Okay so I sort of went on a tangent from the actual dream. But I think it is likely that the topic of discussion with Stef may have been those experiences and what would make me want to hurt my sister. I think that because that is where I got to in my self-investigation a couple of days ago. Looking forward to your thoughts and perspective on this.

Hey everyone, I had a dream this morning that made a mark, I feel it has a big significance in my life and I would like to hear your comments. I'm in the backseat of a mini bus, we are traveling on a highway and the traffic is very chaotic and I'm scared we are going to crash. Cars are suddenly stopping, turning in front of us, some cars pass us by with just a mm/inch to spare. The drivers isn't concerned with the chaotic traffic, like an indifferent cab driver in rush hour or something. Somehow we get to a railroad in the midst of a meadow, and we are supposed to wait for a regional train to takes us somewhere. But there is a huge hill and a tight turn right before the meadow and I'm scared the train is going to derail because of the tight turn following the steep hill. I leave the group and climb the hill instead, just in case, so I'll will be out of harms way if anything were about to happen. I'm now standing on the hilltop next to the railroad and I see the train arriving, it slows down to a slow speed at the edge of the hill. As the train begins to descent the first car looses connection with the locomotive and the train starts racing down the hill and derails at the thigh turn about were the group previously were standing. I realize I'm wearing hearing protection so I take it off and hear the screams down below and I believe I got them back on again. A moment later a tractor on the rail is climbing the hill but hasn't enough speed to make it. I can see the driver pulling levers in panic as to break the backwards motion, he stops but he crashes next to the railway, he doesn't get out of the tractor, he is laying there motionless. I don't think this is a good sign.... What do you think?

So, the following nightmare is the only one that has truly frightened me, to the point of waking up, turning on all the lights and sitting safely in the corner with my back against the wall until morning. I laughed it off as a silly middle school dream for over a decade, until listening to freedomain radio, and the truth it contained became blindingly obvious. I think it contains parallels for many peoples' childhood. Dream: I am deep in the jungle on some sort of safari, me and my fellow travelers are settling down for the night. I am up in a tree, observing my surroundings, when I see a sloth off in the distance. I keep watching it, and notice that it is slowly skinning its own child alive with a knife. It is evil, and its red eyes shoot up and look directly at me, and starts heading in my direction (not at a sloth pace). I freak out and run to the tour guide leaning against a tree for help. I explain the situation, how we are all in danger and need to get out of here. The only response I get from him is "Yuuup, they do that" and he continues to lean on the tree with his hat is over his eyes, whittling on a stick. I try to get the other travelers to take notice, but they don't care. The sloth arrives and starts murdering people, and a chase through the jungle ensues. I'm almost caught, and the dream morphs into a city, the urban jungle (like NYC with tall buildings). "The sloth" is now a nickname for a serial killer that slowly skins people alive, and is running rampant in the city. I wake up, and fear that "the sloth" is in my home, waiting it pop up from the foot of my bed and and slowly kill me. This is when I left the room and turned on all the lights. My interpretation: The sloth is obviously my mother(I lived alone with her and my sister. She moved us almost 4k miles away from all other family and friends), or all destructive mothers. She was slowly emotionally destroying my sister and I, and everyone just looked the other way. It wasn't their problem. It also shows how trapped I felt, that even if I ran all the way from a south american jungle to a huge american city, I would never be safe. I'm so glad to be in a healthy and wonderful environment now, which continually points out how not-normal my childhood was. Thanks all!

So last night I had this dream which has been a recurring one for me, where I find myself walking the halls of high school, or in a classroom, when I remember that I have already graduated high school and have a college degree. But there has been some mistake, and there is a class that I need to retake in order to sort it out. Also, there is usually some embarrassment that I am in my 20's and still in high school, and sometimes some confusion and anxiety when I can't find the class I'm supposed to be in. It's an interesting dream for me, as I am an avid dreamer, and sometimes even lucid dream, but my dreams tend to be visual and fun and carefree, as I am a pretty relaxed person in life. But this particular dream is more cerebral and emotional, and is recurring, which tells me it has some important meaning that I haven't been able to grok. I can't help but think it has something to do with some "lesson" in life that I should have learned, or have to keep revisiting but don't get. I did pretty well in high school, and never got particularly stressed about school in general, so the anxiety is not to do with school itself, I think it's a metaphor for something. Just wanted to share, and hear if anyone has any thoughts, or if you have had similar dreams.

Just took an afternoon nap and had this revelation of a dream, thought I would share. I haven't had vivid dreams in a long time, and this one was very vivid. As of the last couple years I've had some control over my dreams (especially nightmares), and I had no awareness in this dream. I could say this is the first 'nightmare' I've had in a very long time, but I get so much value from nightmares that I really can't call them 'nightmares' any more. I thought I had a decent relationship to my mecosystem, but the feedback I think i just recieved was drastically different. Does anybody have any ideas on how to salvage this relationship before I lose it, if I will can lose it? Any ideas on how to make it better?

So yesterday shortly before I went to bed I had a very enlightening conversation with a fellow FDR listener. (Thanks so much, you know who you are!) We talked about my family and me defooing from my grandparents. It's difficult for me to evaluate my parents objectively and to connect with the experience I had with them as a child. With my grandparents I don't feel ambivalent, because I don't like talking to them and they beat my father with the belt whenever his grades weren't to his parents satisfaction. I'm away from my parents now because I am doing an internship. My mother has asked me to call my grandmother because "she wished that". I said no, I'm not going to call. When she asked, I just told her I have an bad feeling whenever I call my grandparents and she didn't pursue the matter much. I was very sure I was going to have a dream after the conversation with the FDR listener and sure enough, I had one and woke up at 4:46 am. It's very short and most of it I think is very obvious, but maybe you see even more than I do and hopefully it helps some of you out there. The dream:I am in a forest with my family. My father says, "We'd like to make an important announcement." He takes me and somebody else to be at each of his sides and puts his arm around our waists. He starts singing a birthday song for my grandfather. I suddenly hang in the air, because apparently my father has lifted me up. I start beating my father in the ribs because I am starting to panic and want to get out of this situation. I am angry at my father because he knows that I don't like and don't want to speak to my grandfather.My father collapses and shows signs of an heart attack. He says, "You have broken something." I cry out, "Heart attack!", to alert the others and think (and maybe also say) "The time has come." - as if the heart attack has been anticipated in advance. I hold my fathers head in my hands and say "Look at me." or something like that so he doesn't loose consciousness. Somehow I feel this is the most important thing, that he doesn't loose consciousness. My father sticks out his tongue like a defiant child. I feel like I am not taken seriously. My father looses consciousness.I wake up. I have deep compassion with my inner child. More info: My brothers birthday is this month and my father's birthday is in December. With both birthdays, I feel very unsure about what to do. I don't know (didn't know) whether or not I should congratulate my brother, since he didn't respond to my last message and I don't like him that much any more. I will probably not congratulate him. The only reason I would want to talk to him now is to find out more about our childhoods. My father's birthday is going to be his 50th, so the whole family (a couple dozen people) will be there, including my grandparents. (Also men in their 50s are prone to heart attacks and my father has a desk job and works long hours.) I don't know how I should act towards my grandparents then or if I should even go. I do realize on some level that it is a bad idea to go. I hear my parents in my head saying, "But it's his 50th!". I go back to my parents when the internship ends in mid-October. I aim to learn as much as I can about myself until then, so I can be strong enough to see them as they are. What I think about the dream: The forest reminds me of the one my other grandparents regularly camp at. Who is the other person he wants to sing with? Is it maybe that one is me as a child and the other me as an adult? My father is clearly ignoring my wishes. Me hanging in the air means that I am a child and that he is preventing me from escaping. He is forcing me to participate in trying to please a violent person. I do what I feel in the dream and now to be totally justified: I try to get out at any cost. I am the wronged party but then it's all about him. He collapses and has a heart attack. I try to save him. I do cry out in order for people to help me but nobody does. Nobody is even calling an ambulance. "The time has come." Is this the anticipation I feel about what is going to happen when I go back to my parents? Why is the dream making him have a heart attack? Is it genuine or not? This is very difficult for me because I still do somehow want to save my father. I have no idea of what it will do psychologically to him if I mention his parents violent behavior. His sticking his tongue out makes me feel sorry for him because I feel like he is a child that is trying to mask great pain. But it could also mean that he is manipulating me with a faked heart attack and then mocking me for believing it. In the dream I did not feel at all like that but rather forgot about the situation he put me in before that. I am glad, however, that I felt such a deep compassion for myself in the dream after I woke up. I rarely had such a deep emotional connection with somebody from a dream. I am very relieved that I am starting to connect to my deepest emotions.

I had a dream last night that I was in a laundry may of some kind hanging out with Barack Obama. We were just standing around talking about things, none of which I remember to particularly. But I noticed he was wearing rings on all his fingers. I asked to see them. One in particular caught my attention, it was a sort of skull with horns which he called tiberius. The face on the ring reminded me of a cartoon I had seen when I was around 9 years old but I have never been able to find the show or remember the name. I woke up hoping I would be able to google the cartoon but I only got the general stuff about the roman ruler. I have no idea what to make of this dream.