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Showing results for tags 'experiences'.
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I've been a married man for 7 years now, no kids, no abuse in my background, no rap sheet. As an insult from women in my life, I have been called "crazy" at different times, in the context of "F you, you're F'n crazy" or "get away from me, you're crazy". It's always been as a parting shot, from women I've had bad experiences with that ended in bitter fights. This is not a common occurrence, but it stands out as the times that it has happened that puzzle me, because that has been their go-to insult. I'm an average guy, I have many friends and loved ones. I talk to people regularly, other people close to me have never called me crazy. These were not all from women that I had intimacy with, some were just friends. My question for men is, (assuming you're a sane, rational group) Have you experienced the same when ending it with a woman? If "crazy" is that common of an insult, what could be the reason behind that choice of words?
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If exposure to power, parenting, and conditions while growing up have psychological effects that make people project, split, dissociate, suppress, repress various things to ultimately support and justify a state irrationally and emotionally at an unconscious level...then can a parallel effect occur for pushing a person towards anarchy/libertarianism... BESIDES rational objective philosophy? In other words, what childhood experiences contribute to a person being more inclined or open towards an/lib?______________________________ warning: long personal family background dump I grew up very shy, bullied, not very popular with the girls, plagued by unachievable standards of morality which had a strong effect on me because I wanted to follow the rules, to be good, and to strive for perfection just naturally and not as a defense mechanism. I am still struggling with timidness today, although I am much much better. But I upon deep examination, I still have a lot of limiting factors, that the fear is still there, holding me back, not letting me fully go for what I want... etc. I have gotten so good at self-denial that I become complacent. Perhaps that's not correct. PErhaps it's my fear giving me an excuse and falsely attributing it to the virtue of self-denial. Anyway, I haven't had serious relationship to date, and I am really trying to break through currently. I have broken through a lot in the past few months, but I see there is still a lot more. I come back to the same feeling as when I moved in 2nd grade and felt shy and scared and lonely. I guess because I never dealt with it, and for the majority of my life suppressed those emotional challenges, it's just coming back up in the present. There is a lot of fear conquering I have to do.My impression of my dad is irrational, bullying. He would always have to get involved, get mad, lay down whatever he thought was right, pronounce judgement to me and my other family member who I happened to be arguing with. Sometimes he would blow things up that weren't and wouldn't have been big if he would have just stayed out of it. Perhaps I this contributes to the way I view the state: stop meddling - gtfo. you're irrational. you're contrdictory. You're self-righteous and blind to your own faults. I disctintly remember when he would overpower me verbally, impose irrationality, that I would hate him forever. I had that many times, but of course it always went away with time. To this day today, when a disagreement or an opportunity to clarify comes along, I feel like he raises his voice ad escalates things way too prematurely for an unwarranted reason. Conversations blow up way too easily with him. He is always right, always has a comeback, always makes me feel bad. Wow, as i'm writing this, I had the urge to write "I fucking hate his guts". We stay apart most of the time now, but i still see him. I've been contemplating, and avoiding confronting him and being vulnerable about everything as Stefan recommends doing. I also really dislike the image of my dad. and I hate it when I seem like him. I HATE IT.My mom and grandmother gave me very fucking poisonous, meek, terrible fucking advice for life. As I mentioned, I am very principle-oriented, and really adopted every standard I heard to achieve them. My exposure to things wasn't so various, so I only slowly discovered contradictory standards, rather than sooner. I get really easiliy annoyed by my mom. I find myself acting badly taht I wouldn't towards others. It is a combination of already knowing, what she's like and what she will do, as well as the fact that she stubbornly always does the things I object to. She doesn't learn. And the things are like offering me food. supposedly it's for me, so initially, i guilt trip myself for rejecting and saying to stop giving me food. But over time, it's just ridiculous. It's even silly that she keeps doing it "to benefit me", when I'm the one who gets to decide whether it benefits me or not. She actually is quite exasperating, stubborn, and takes very little feedback. Even more frustrating is that she will never be open or explain or respond to my questions or objections or reasoning when i critique her behavior. Why are you doing this? Don't I get to decide if I want it or not? What does it benefit you to offer me food? (She's a terrible terrible cook, literally the worst I've ever encountered - not taking feedback and sturbbornly doing her thing is part of the reason why she is such a bad cook too). She doesn't answer, and keeps things to herself,I know she has thoughts but she won't ever really say. This is all influenced by my overwhelming dad who beats down objections with his self-righteousness and his overwhelming anger and persona (there just are those types of people who can reach into your heart and strike that fear in you... my dad is one of them... my drill seargeant is another. But there are those who don't, no matter how much their words and actions go. But others can just give you that look, use that tone, and really get that into you. IDK if it's a general thing, or if certain people with certain issues are susceptible to certain queues from others). I feel bad about treating my mom that way, but I do think there is legitimate reason to get frustrated at her - she is quite an annoying person. But I KNOW I am in the wrong too. Over time, I see her insecurity grow, which I know I have contributed to. Simultaneously, had i not been assertive (and i know domineering and yelling is different from assertive, but i grew to be like this after a really horribly mentally devastating time in high school. It was and would have been very hard for me to be assertive without also doing wrong under such duress, stress. It was a time i felt all my efforts were in vain, that all of the ideals i've been taught were so wrong, that no one was there to help me, that i was being ignored under all this hardship, that my dad was a worthless body who never taught me anything or had any solutions for me, and would always end up illiciting blame, incompetence, and just generally bad feelings whenever i asked for help. Also, as a teen you really dont go to your parents for help, especially when you think they're the ones who let you down, let alone the whole coolness and feeling like a failure aspect of going to mommy and daddy. ______________________________ Anyway, it's all kind of a random vomit of my family background here. I kind of do see some parallels of my outlook towards govenrment and my family, especially my dad. But I always find psychology and the unconscdious really counterintuitive and confusing. I have a lot of blindspots when it comes to my own. When people make statements like whatever is repressed will be recreated, and whatever is suppressed will be spread, and the state is a projection of your family exprience.s... like.. they don't ring true. I can't see the logical steps with my intuition to see that they're true. They're really unrelated claims that I am seeking to bridge the gap between. Listening to more podcasts helped me understand some of those logical steps, but I find whenever Stefan makes those statements, they aren't in every instance backed up by logical steps. I suppose it's something that rings true with Stefan, and it just comes out as a more emphatic reiteration of the claim, rather than backing htem up logically. He does in other podcasts, but not always. So I'm just pointing out my struggle to understand psychological concepts like those, not necessarily say that Stefan is wrong. I'm sure those statements could be quite reasonable, and perhaps very established in the field of psychology. I am not in the slightest arguing that those statements aren't true. I want to understand how and why they are. So if you guys see things in the limited way I described my family background here, please do share your insights.
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