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Showing results for tags 'gay compusive-impusive'.
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It is hard for me to describe my last 24 hours...for the first time in my life I feel insane. My problem began yesterday while lying on my bed and listening to the 2701 podcast. Near the end Stefan had a discussion with a guy with autism who was also gay, at the moment of that conversation's twist (when he said that he was homosexual) something broke inside me...it is mind numbing to me why I was triggered by that conversation, I continued listening until the end with a big void in my stomach. It is essential to mention that I'm straight but I always had sympathy for homosexuals, but since that conversation I started looking at guys in a completely twisted way it is like I fell half-homosexual and I don't get sexually aroused by hot girls as much as couple of days ago. And that's just the beginning...my body is tense, my mind goes in circles, I am hyperactive (feel the need to walk all the time, I make sudden weird body movements at fast speed) also I cannot focus at all, even writing this post took me more than 30 minutes. Strange thoughts spring in my head out of the blue, and the most unsettling part for me is that I cannot think clearly, I'm generally very good at mental math and having arguments in my head, and analyzing social situations, now it's like I just drink 5 cup of coffees in a row, my mind is fogging a lot. Something in the back of my mind is bothering me and I simply don't know what it is, and I don't see any connection between all that I said, I feel helpless and I can't stand listening to music anymore, I'm scared, please help me! P.S.: I never did drugs nor smoked and I barely drink alcohol, I always had a bit of compulsive-impulsive disorder that would make me from time to time to obsess about some of my body parts and I also feel the need to organize my stuff and my PC, I'm not sure if that relates in any sense with my state at the moment but the way I feel when I had panic attacks and feel depressed has a bit of resemblance with my current state. Please excuse my grammatical errors in case I made any, I am not a native.
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