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I've been dating a girl upwards of three years now. We generally get along very well but I have some huge problems with her family and we both agree that they're not great and we'd like to reduce their influence on our lives in the long run. They're pretty authoritarian and I watch how the mom constantly tells her brother to do things like chores and schoolwork in a borderline yelling way pointing fingers several inches from his face. There's not a lot of back and forth communication in the family - it's hierarchical. I just turned 25. She's just shy of 21 and currently in the 2nd half of her undergraduate college and her parents would not permit us to live together until marriage. I don't strongly disagree with the importance of a committed relationship but my fear is that they will always be a presence in our life going forward. Meanwhile, I've already stopped talking to my own family (~1 year ago) because of the way the treated me during my childhood with no genuine apology or reparations to date yet based on what I've seen in the family and heard from her, I imagine that she and her brother had it even worse in her household. We've already discussed possible answers to the problem. Currently it would involve giving her parents the marriage their looking for (involves inviting them to the wedding as well as many of her relatives), then telling them that we would like to reduce their presence in our life. This would be more of a soft break as opposed to a hard one where we go against their wishes and break ties after something like a verbal argument. One problem I have with the soft approach is that I'm not sure that would be enough to really remove them and also that in the long run it does little to make the situation better. A family that got told offhandedly to shove it would feel more or less the same as a family where you walked out the door and stopped taking phone calls, right? In addition, giving them the privilefge of dictating wedding terms and how our relationship goes does seem a bit self-defeating. We've talked about it a handful of times to various lengths but when I bring it up now, she tends to get annoyed. She points out that there's no point in talking about something that we've already reached our solution on. She doesn't want to keep them close in the long run but admits that there's little that we could do about it now without stirring up a hornets nest. Am I right to keep bringing up something that I have a problem with when I don't have any other solution (since basically it's get married or she has to stay with her family)? Values wise I clearly have an internal problem stomaching having her family in my life. In a way, I think when I keep bringing it up it's a plead for her to cut ties but it would be incredibly discomforting for her to do that in her life at the moment (if at all). Probably worth mentioning that the same kind of frustration and annoyance seems to come out from her when I rant too heavily about the state of the world and politics which I've been pretty passionate about lately.

Hello everyone, every now and then i get the strong urge to talk to some logical, rational and philosophical people. ​I live in a very sparsely populated area in Wales, UK and although this will be changing in the near future, i would very much like to make some new friends on here, people i can a proper conversation with and chat about Freedomain. The forum is a bit difficult for me to chat on, with the ease and accessibility being so much better with other applications like Facebook or Whatsapp. A long while ago Stef mentioned that it might be a good idea to have a look on the forum if any of the listeners had interest in relationships with people that have a bit of self knowledge. So i guess this is where i am starting. I would like to welcome anyone to start a conversation whether its something like a pen-pal or just a quick chat, it would just be great to get to know some new people, i have my future in mind. Maybe after an introduction we could chat on facebook or some other app. Kind regards Duncan Russell

So lately I've been feeling a bit weird. Or better put, I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling about this situation. I have 2 really close friends. We're a fucking tripod! Or so it used to be. Me and my other two friends grew up in our teens together closer then any one else we met before or after. But about two years before high school ended one of our friends got a girlfriend (his first). After this our hangouts have decreased significantly. .Of course things like college and work get in the way as well as a girlfriend, but even during breaks we hardly ever hang out. And many petty things have happened to us since then. Our friend has repeatedly ditched us for his girlfriend. And its been getting really ridiculous. We have been turned down from hanging out with him for things like 1 and a quarter year anniversaries. It was so many anniversaries I can't remember which ones. At one point I asked him to go to a concert with me. And he couldn't go that day for legitimate reasons. But then the next time I asked him if he wanted to go to a concert with me he told me he made a promise with his girlfriend. They promised each other that they would both go to their first concert together which meant me and him going was out of the question. It's stuff like that. But now he's told us that he plans on proposing to her in about a month. We haven't even met her yet. I don't even think he wants us to meet her. I don't know if this is just me being jealous because I myself have never even had a girlfriend.or been close to getting one, or if I'm feeling kind of floored by his ditching us for his girlfriend. Do you guys think I am justified in feeling betrayed?

Hey everyone. First, I'll give some context. This girl, Athena, I have met through my scholarship group at the University of Utah. She's an Architecture major, and we are also taking an Architectural design class together. I had a crush on her for about 3 weeks, before she basically told me that she could tell and that she would give me a chance. We went on a date, and then she came to the conclusion that she wanted to be together, as I agreed. More on her; she doesn't listen to FDR or isn't too intellectual, but I feel comfortable talking about the topics of philosophy and this show, as well as Ayn Rand etc. and she receives them well. She doesn't reciprocate as much as I'd like, but she is receptive and reactive in a positive way. I like her because she *seems* to have had a fairly positive childhood, and thus is able to nurture a partner well, as I thought. She reacts with disgust toward the topic of child abuse, and when I told her stories about my childhood she demonstrated healthy empathy. She's pretty curious about things, and she wants to understand me. There is one catch though--she's never had a boyfriend, or even kissed a guy. She's 19, and I'm 18. We also talk about a lot in the relationship; our feelings, our worries, concerns, etc. Like for example, we talked about how it was going to be different, because she's never had a boyfriend, and I've never had a girlfriend who hasn't had a boyfriend (no experience). We talked about how we need our own space, and that first we are individuals, and that we don't want to be hanging out with one another if it isn't beneficial to us/makes us happy. But what I don't like, is that it's been like 2 weeks and we've barely held hands--It's very odd for me, to be with a girl who doesn't really know how relationships work, I guess is how I would put it. She doesn't know how to really initiate physical affection, even if she wants it. Also, she's very busy as an Architecture major, and doesn't have a lot of time--something we've talked about, and I acknowledge she has little control over. So, the dilemma is that I don't know if it's good for me to let myself be in a romantic relationship but logistically not be a high priority (due to time commitments). I.e. I think it's hard for me to say "I am good, important, and have valuable things to offer in a romantic relationship." While being with someone who only the capacity to date as more of a casual, rather than close interaction. Hopefully that made some sense, and I'd like some input, questions, etc. I'm pretty ambivalent at the moment, even thought I like her and think I would like to continue the relationship; I plan to talk to her about this, but I wanted to know what all the smarties on the FDR board thought, haha.

Hi all, OK so I'm 25 and my gf is 22, my girlfriend has been asking me why I have not asked her hand in marriage yet after 3 1/2 years of being together. I've told her it frustrates me when she asks me that question or even talks about engagement and that it's something I'll ask when I feel the time is right. Now this is where she gets confused because we do talk about kids a lot and how we would like to raise them and we have established that marriage will come before kids so she becomes frustrated sometimes when I bring up kids. I've said that makes a lot of sense to me and I can understand how that would make you think I'm putting the "cart before the horse" so to speak and then get confused about my intentions. Ill just give a little back story on our relationship in case that helps anyone solve my conundrum.. My gf and I met before I started my "awakening" with Ron Paul then Peter Schiff then Stefan. After 3.5 years of being together there have been no fights or yelling of any kind.In the beginning I had a lot of trust issues around other guys and we both didn't know much about win win conflict resolution, when I would say something hurtful she went more to the silent treatment style which I didn't know how to deal with which frustrated me alot and we would eventually either sleep on it and make up in the morning or spend an hour or 2 of me trying to talk to her and eventually we would be talking again. These days thanks to reading Stefan's book real time relationships and watching a lot of his videos our relationship is much more stable though we do get frustrated at each other over certain things. Were constantly working on being more open, vulnerable and honest with each other which is going really well and I've since talked to my parents about my childhood (some yelling, maybe 5 - 8 spankings but alot of counting to 1,2,3 and my dad was pretty authoritarian might makes right etc) and she is just starting to talk to her mum about the way she was treated (alot of yelling, smackings, authoritarian where her dad was more passive and didn't do any of the punishing etc). We agree on things like parenting, are almost identical on money issues, what we want out of life, we go on alot of holidays together and we both still get very excited when the other is coming over (we live a 10 minute bike ride apart) We are looking at moving out together in an apartment in the next 1-3 months. So when she asks me about why I have not asked her to get engaged yet I say "I just don't feel like I'm ready yet and I don't know the underlying reason for that" So when I say that she feels its something wrong with her and I can't give a real reason she she feels she needs to change something about herself but doesn't know what etc but I explain that I can't change her nor want to which then frustrates her even more.. And to me it seems strange to ask your boyfriend that questions since it's usually a surprise kind of thing. Anyway, were both getting frustrated over this which is why I promised her to post it on the forums here to see If i can get some help with determining why I haven't asked her yet or how we could figure out why were both getting frustrated Any help would be greatly appreciated and I'm happy to answer any questions Thanks!