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Hello, everyone. I am hoping this goes to right board since i am not sure if this is the right one. Lets hope and see. So, i am and ave been into self knowledge ever since i transitioned from being christian and socialist to who i am now (ancap). But even before that and to this day ive had this nasty feelign inside me about getting angry when HAPPY or trying to achieve dreams and goals in life. I want X (painting, 3d modelling, learning a new skill and getting new friends ect.) However whenever i do theres sensation in me to recoil from this happiness. Now i do realise this sounds very classic case of fear of failure and perhaps some remnant strong feeling of being led down and bullied in school and kindergarden at young age. What are you thoughts on feelings of anger, feeling of recoiling from doing stuff that you dream or and slamming yourself down to be pitiful and miserable and procrastinate when you got the energy for it? PS. Also theres often feeling to escape into games and drinks and fastfood and meneal things since the "dreams" or hobbies that i love are too hard and strainious. Its like person who paints one stroke at 1 hour just to feel good and avoid constant painting since... its hard and he cant feel good inside like he does with food. But when i actually DO IT for while i no longer feel urge to procrastinate.