Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'helping your victim'.
-
I have to a degree come to Terms with my parents evil, but am at an impasse, and I potentially have a greater priority I should tend to.Growing up I abused my younger brother, physically hitting him, deriding his curiosity and sensitivity, I was wretched. When left alone I would torment him half the time then manipulate him the last half of the time into not telling on me. It was Evil, and I am ashamed of what I did but I won't let that shame cripple me from doing something about it. I want to do whatever I can to better him now however I can.Thankfully he would hear my apologies, and has has forgiven me. When he says that he forgives me I ask him for full accountability and I offer my support however he asks for it, I will never consider myself off the hook. Right now we skype once a week maybe once every two. And I can see the consequences of trauma in his life, behaviors and decisions. He was the youngest, and got it from the rest of the family.I was 5 years older, he had no chance, I had all the power and thats what I did with it, I have to do whatever is best because of my actions I am responsible, I cannot "make this right", I can only do the right thing now.Now that myself (the middle child) and our only older brother have told our parents they are not getting out of being judged for our childhoods, they have turned their attention to our youngest brother. Pouring attention on him that he never got as a child. There was always one "best" child chosen by Dad, sometimes me (as an adult) sometimes my older brother, never our youngest.Now our youngest brother who used to be the most critical and active regarding judging our Father at least [Mom never got any responsibility], Is embracing "the best relationship with him I've ever had". And still not judging a Mother who let all this shit happen. They have totally embraced his narrative of my Evils but have accepted responsibility for none of theirs, not in any meaningful way.I hesitate to tell my parents to get help or kick sand because I am afraid it could harm the relationship I have with my brother.I have offered to help pay for my brothers therapy, he shows no interest in going, and I am not sure how much I should try to convince him to go ( I have been bringing it up every once in awhile for months now ), so I freeze and ask you here on FDR for advice.Now I am finally in a place I can get therapy for myself and feel bad getting therapy for myself while he goes untreated. We have a good relationship I give him all my attention and support when we engage I try to be there for him as best I can.He is miserable at work and wants a change, every time we talk he has a new passion or want to move somewhere else. All of this is screaming to me that he needs to do internal work.When topics of our parents come up I do not change my history to make him more comfortable, I tell him they were to blame for where they failed and were actively Evil but that does not let me off the hook for my Evil actions toward him.Right now my best includes asking your thoughts on this manner and thank you very much.