Search the Community

This problem's bugged me on and off so I wanna run past you guys before I'm 30 and panicking. I'm gay and I want to have children some day. Lots of them preferably, all raised peacefully. The problems I foresee are lack of female influence, conflict in who's child should be given birth to, and if we both have a child the problem of favoritism by genes (racism kinda). 1. Female influence. A stable nuclear family is crucial to the healthy development of children. Both fathers and mothers bring characteristics that acclimatize kids to the sexes and help balance each other out. Also women have boobs which helps with breastfeeding and IQ. (I think breastfeeding boosts IQ. Don't know if that's true.) 2. Who has the kid. Adoption is out of the question. Has to be my genes and has to start from square one. If I decided to have one kid with my partner, conflict may arise with who's sperm gets into the egg. This is a non-issue with a nuclear family. Which leads to... 3. Genetic favoritism. If both of us have surrogate children, favoritism by genetic origin could cause conflict. This I have second thoughts on, because virtue trumps bloodline, and children raised virtuously can't help but mirror that virtue. Has anyone else had thoughts about this situation? Any gay guys on here had this dilemma? I don't wanna raise a kid in a naturally dysfunctional environment and I wanna take care of this concern now. I feel like the answer is right in front of me but I can't see it through my caution. I feel like I'm operating on broken biology.

Article from Art of Manliness (below are a preview of the steps given, follow the link for full article.) See yourself as a transitional character. Imagine your posterity. Marry someone from an intact family. Be intentional! Distance yourself from toxic relationships. Surround yourself with positive examples. Seek professional help when necessary. Hold fast to your goal by regularly reading things geared towards helping you become a better husband and father.

I have been into the idea of peaceful parenting for about six months. I am still a recovering authoritarian parent of four beautiful children who were victims of my lack of parenting knowledge for far too long. (They're now 6, 8, 9, and 12 years old) My problem is: I am hitting a huge brick wall when it comes to getting my wife on board with the new methods and I'm not really sure how to approach it. She has already agreed not to spank or hit the children, but it's not because she "gets it." She complies with my wishes out of fear that I will get upset at her if she does. I've already let her know that I am not willing to accept this treatment for our children anymore. Another caveat is that she is heavily influenced by her friends and family who all find my new methods silly. I've tried to sit her down and explain the methodology and the rationale behind it all, but I can't seem to get through to her. I'm worried that it is my fault for being unable to properly communicate the ideas and influence her to change willingly. I realize that we need to provide a united front when it comes to parenting our children, and I'm not willing to budge on using coercion and fear to raise my kids. Anyone have any suggestions for this scenario?