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Here is a nice little story from a website I came across that is worth a look IMO. http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Psychological/LovingOneSelf/GiveToSelfFillNeeds.html WHERE IS THE LACK OF FREEDOM? The observations of the "man from Mars" The "man from Mars" came down to observe the Earthlings to study their primitive habits. He knew we were as intelligent as he was, but he saw that we didn't use that intelligence like they did on his planet, where they had to be very innovative to be able to live below the surface and in the spheroids they created. He saw the Earthlings in this incredibly wasteful "form of exchange". He saw that they spent huge amounts of time trying to "look good" and do what it takes so that other people would give them approval (which they mistook for love). He heard them exclaim things like "all there is is love, love is all there is", "love is the answer", and "you'll be happy when you find 'the one'!" He was taken aback at the ridiculousness of those cultural beliefs, for the efforts put into this unproductive practice displace the efforts that could have been directed toward self-fulfillment, appreciation for life, developing happiness, soothing and nurturing oneself. And the time spent in an effort to control and manipulative the others so that they would be given approval was enormous, pushing out "better opportunities". How silly humans appeared to be to think that they needed the approval of others! And how much more silly it seemed to not give oneself approval and love, as that was the easiest and most likely thing to be productive - plus one would definitely be interested in the welfare of oneself at the highest level. They even spent a huge amount of time in avoiding being disapproved of, amazingly often with people who they didn't even care about. In fact, they were friends with people who they didn't particular care for. He saw that the Earthlings lives were governed by having to be like others wanted them to be, by fitting in, by trying to be sexy and attractive, by trying to be powerful, yet gentle and understanding and compassionate, and as "good as" others (rather than just being themselves and being happy with the cornucopia of life). He at first, just as was the case with the Dalai Lama, could not understand how they could not think they were "good enough" or "not as good as others". He was amazed at how much of a struggle people had in trying to overcome that, in the wrong ways, ways that could not produce the result really wanted. Now if someone was rejected by another person, he was astonished to see how devastated he/she was - that seemed so silly compared to just going on in life and getting more of what one wants from all that is so available rather than being in an upset about being rejected. The man from Mars was astounded to see Earthlings mistake chemicals for love and then to do all they could to satisfy the "other" person's wants being scared to death that they might not. Then once they "got the other person" then they stopped the frantic obsession and were relatively unloving. He even saw supposedly powerful men weak-kneed at the prospects of getting approval in the bedroom, which apparently was a dance of doing the same thing Earthlings do to procreate. These men became little babies - and they even used some baby talk. Astounding! Finally, one day, as he finished his observing and gathering all of his conclusions, he sat down and chatted with six Earthlings, pointing out the illusions they had and observing that they seemed to be a holdover from being a small dependent child. The Earthlings understood and they decided to fill themselves up, as it was much more productive to do it themselves than to try to get it from others - and they gave up the illusion that love would solve all, especially since they saw that few people were really getting love anyway. Those people filled their own tanks so well on their own, with some occasional contributions from others, that they felt so fulfilled that it caused them to have more than enough, so that they were actually able to freely give to others instead of hope to "get" from others. And the giving, for the first time, had no strings attached, no imperatives, no demands, no fear of loss. Those people became truly free, for they did not 'have to' please a soul or try to manipulate or control another's behavior in order to "get" approval and validation from the other. They were independent and didn't need approval or help from others. A byproduct was that they were free to be totally authentic, as they weren't worried about trying to please people to "keep them" as friends. As a result, they actually ended up with more really close friends but an enormously reduced number of so-called friends who were not actually open and close to them. They they had formerly cultivated those "friends" so that they would feel secure by having alot of friends, which in turn made them look better to their friends, and on and on in a "vicious circle" of wasted energy. They no longer needed or sought approval, so they made quick decisions on who to be around, who would be in "fair exchange" with them, who would be someone they would want to be with. At times, they might have seemed unfriendly to others or as agreeable (though they were always kind) as they didn't spend any efforts to do what is expected or to "look good" (there wasn't any reason to do that anymore). And their lives were so much fuller.