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This is my argument The reason why people have a passion is because they believe that they can change something and that it is important. In fact, all emotions are true in such a way. Emotions are simply involuntary responses to our rational observations. A child observes what he is good at and that is how a passion develops. It is very obvious to a child. Everyone as a child had figured it out, but not many people actually followed their passion. Since all passions are rational, then if society is rational, following one’s passion will lead to prosperity. However, this is not the case with our current society. If I want to become a philosopher in North Korea, my prospects are very low or I will not make enough money to survive. This would never happen in a free society because passions are always valuable. However, state intervention prevents the pursuit of an individual’s rational self-interests. It subdues free will. There was a man who did a major in philosophy but who after regretted it because he hadn’t been able to make money from it. It as at this point that people break with their passions. He concluded that passions are not necessarily good and he implicitly accepted nihilism rather than recognising that evil was done unto him. It makes it hard for him to recognise it since sophism is state sponsored in philosophy departments. The majority of people share a similar story. Whether it is coercion from the state, or their parents, or their peers, an adult or child is in some way rejected for following their passions and the adult or child concludes that he cannot trust his emotions. This is the very essence of evil. It is why people did not trust the invisible hand of the free market for tens of thousands of years. Essentially, their self-esteem was so destroyed that they did not trust their own rational faculty. It is the greatest contradiction that ever existed. A virtuous man would find a work-around. He knows that his life is meaningless without passion. He knows that if he were to look back at his life without following his passion, he would regret it and wonder what could have been. There is no alternative for him. Every action we make is motivated by emotion. A person cannot simply think and do. They must think until they feel that they can do. An artificial line has been created between emotions and thoughts. Emotions simply are an expression of our deepest and truest thoughts that we may not even be conscious of. It is analogous to the arbitrary distinction between qualia and meaning. We see red because we associate it with everything else that is red. A person void of passion then, is a robot without free will, following the instructions of others without even being consciously aware of it. So, the virtuous man has no rational choice other than to find alternatives to the best of his ability. This does not mean that the virtuous man will be unsatisfied. The passion arises only from what can be done. If man finds that his passion is unreachable, his passion will naturally change. So, the virtuous man is a force that cannot be stopped by anyone or anything. It is as clear as sunlight what his objective is. A rock cannot turn into a tree, nor can man change his neurological predispositions, particularly once he becomes aware of them. Even if a man is destroyed for following his passions, he will never be the same. He will always be at ease, because he knows what must be done so he will inevitably build himself back up. He is the man who works. But if a man does not immerse into his passions, he will always live a shallow life not knowing what he could have been. “Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it” – Lao Tzu.

Currently 19 years old, deciding whether or not I should set myself up for the possibility of a family later on, or whether I should set myself up for being single for the rest of my life. Thoughts? Pros and Cons for each? I'm an Omega male so getting laid isn't an option.

I have really been wondering lately if I am simply incapable of loving someone. I have been with my GF for about a year, and I am strongly considering moving to the city she lives. For me, that would mean giving up a lot where I live at the moment, but I would probably try to set up a branch of the start-up business I am involved in, so it may become a brilliant career opportunity that I might not have started had I stayed where I am. There is a problem, though. I am not sure I love her. However, this was also the case with my first girlfriend, and I always kind of thought of it as normal. It is even the case with my close family members. I don't really feel anything that strongly, except an appreciation, of course. But it is far from overwhelming. I am struggling to find out whether I should just accept this, get over with it and make love arise out of making an effort to improve myself and commit in my relationship. I had a very good childhood with a stable family. I was even possibly a little spoiled with love, in the sense that I might have learned taking it for granted. Now my father was perhaps not the best at showing affection to my mother or to me. He absolutely loved, but he would just be a little bit awkward about showing it. And so am I when I am with my GF, plus I am not good at being thoughtful and caring and all of those things. It's especially when I am not with her - my mind and soul just wanders off onto other things, and I never really feel a strong need to talk, even though we talk on the phone most days of the week. Nor does it easily strike me to do something for her, surprise her etc. When we meet after having been apart for a long time, I also don't feel anything particularly strong when I see her. It's like my happiness level is stable around 7 and then when I see her, it's like ... still pleasant. I often do have an awesome time with her, but since I am pretty much always pretty happy and satisfied about things, going to an 8 or a 9 isn't that overwhelming for me. She tells me that for her it's horrible when we're apart, and that she thinks about me all the time. I feel bad for not reciprocating the emotion, but I really don't know how to take responsibility for that because I can't will an emotion into being. Pretty much everything about her is awesome. It's like I love her to death - but logically. I am saying to myself: I should love this woman to death. But still, I really don't feel much. Now, take Stefan's definition of love: The involuntary response to virtue if you're virtuous. What does this response look like exactly? Is it a feeling/emotion? Is it something you do? Now what if the woman in question is clearly virtuous but most of the time doesn't invoke any strong involuntary response in me, does that mean I am not virtuous? I really have no idea what to make of my seeming incapability of experiencing this. I am thinking I could either stay with this girl and commit to becoming a more thoughtful person and hope that love will come out of us living at the same place, building something even stronger together. The other alternative is, I don't want to be someone who occupies her if I am having all of these doubts. I should therefore set her free, and myself free. But ... then what? If I don't have the capacity to feel love, I will have to rise to the same challenge at some point anyways and make a commitment to someone. So, if not now, when? Committing to her will give me the biggest challenge of my entire life, but it is honestly a challenge I cannot be sure I will succeed at because I don't know if I will ever be able to give her in return what she gives me. I am not sure if she deserves that. Breaking up now, however, seems easier in many respects. But I am not sure I should choose whatever is easier if all that means is that I will have to face a similar dilemma in a couple of years. Please let me know what you think of this. We have decided to give this decision until the end of August. I am in a hurry. I am looking for love within myself. But I don't know how to look for it and what standard to set within myself.

I am both a cynic and a misanthrope. I have a problem. I decided to ask for help since I was about to use the text below as a response to a question and quickly realized I need to talk about this before I become a 20 year old with the mentality of a dying 80 year old boomer. === Is there no place for men who want to be with a woman of similar or higher quality in the fundamentals, i.e., foresight, intelligence, ability to defer gratification, empathy, patience, etc.? Because whenever I hear or listen to MRA or dating related stuff it always seems to come down to manipulation. The man manipulates the woman for sexuality and motherhood, and the woman manipulates the man for resources and fatherhood ( I mean this both in the sense of becoming parents as well as being each other's pseudo-parent) . I want to break that cycle. Because it's a cycle that I lose even if I win. Say I am a man of great means, well does that mean I can marry a woman who is totally into self-knowledge, who is emotionally stable, is a virgin, can actually feel empathy for others, is actually capable of abstract thought beyond manipulating male desires, etc? Or is it just someone who can glamour herself far more impressively than the used up ho the homeless guy would get? === I want to point out I'm a guy with no friends. After graduating high school and entering the work force, and now working on getting my first real novel finished and published, I pretty much cut off all contact from everyone I used to know, and something very telling happened; nobody cared. No texts, no calls. Nothing. It was like I never existed. Of course I changed a lot since I was 18. Now that I'm 19, I'm no longer thinking about suicide on a daily basis thanks to a year of therapy, and instead of bemoaning the slowly dying world we live in I'm actually being a productive member of society with the right to piss on those who aren't. The fact that just came out of my mouth alone tells me I got a problem. And now I want to ask whoever happens to be in the area to help a brother out. I have no friends, I have no desire to make friends, I have an increasing disdain and lack of sympathy for people on a daily basis (heck terrorist attacks no longer piss me off or depress me, they're just thunderstorms to be ignored now), and I'm seriously worried about how this will affect me as I become an adult (legally I am but emotionally I'm not. Thanks single mom and educational system.) and even more so as I become a man, and I don't mean someone who fucked a whore with daddy issues. I'm talking someone who does work that makes him proud; someone who built something; someone who owns his own home; someone with a wife and children; someone that actually matters. Where is the question in this ventilation heap? Here it is: What the fuck should I do to start liking people and having faith in people? In spite of myself I can't help but admire those courageous individuals of integrity and conviction who actually give a damn about people and create lasting things in this world (like Papa Stef). And so I decided to become someone I'd actually look up to instead of someone who's barely better than the other single-mom brats. Having a high IQ doesn't mean shit if the childhood was toxic. But then Stef's existence proves me wrong a thousandfold. How the hell did that magical man come to be? Maybe he's got something that'd help me out? Maybe you have something because you have similar problems or overcame similar problems? I'll hear anything out since I want to change. I don't want to be a democrat. I don't want to be a cynical misanthrope who'd sell out others for a buck. I want to love again. I want to feel. I want to feel what it means to be a man. Hopefully something I said will be coherent enough to warrant a response. Because I need some straw to chew on. And I'd greatly appreciate anyone helping this little cow out. Moo...

Am I allowed to marry people in another country? Say yes for free trade and no for protectionism.

Hey everyone I just had the pleasure of reading the wonderful book and watching the film adaptation for Me Before You. It's about a man in a wheelchair and his plan to commit suicide in 6 months to escape his painful existence. His parents hire on a personal companion for him who would hopefully lift his spirits and prevent him from going through with his plan. This caregiver eventually starts to fall in love with him and devote her life to making him happy, and yes I can see how unhealthy that sounds...as much as I could have touched upon that in my review, I focus more on the idea of assisted suicide in a real place in Switzerland called Dignitas. Live and die with dignity is their tagline. Is it truly a dignified thing to legally allow? Let me know what you guys think of my review as well as the ethics surrounding planned and assisted suicide. I personally think it's a valid exercise of self ownership, but it is a grave choice that should not be taken lightly. Enjoy.

Hey everybody, I am very proud and glad to share with you a review I've been wanting to do for a couple years now and that's for The Fault in Our Stars; a story about two teenagers with cancer who meet at a support group and fall in love with each other. I want to thank everyone here who has watched my videos so far, provided helpful feedback in terms of production quality as well as philosophical views on some of the stories, and I hope you continue to watch and share with newcomers!

Greetings! I am trying to find an FDR episode from either 2014 or 2015 in which Stefan so eloquently said something along the lines of "there are no grenades in love." Does anyone happen to recall which episode that is from? Thanks!

Unattainable Intimacy: The Curse of the Insecure Attachment (Medium Version) Each year in my hometown of Decatur, Alabama, the city hosts a memorial day festival, which the locals simply refer to as “The Jubilee.” Decatur isn’t terribly large, but despite its modest size the festival manages to bring in an impressively large crowd. There are a number of things people look forward to at the Jubilee, from the antique car show to an abundance of live music and great food, but by far the main attraction are the hot air balloons. Whether I was watching dozens of these roaring, colorful behemoths gracefully soar through the sky during the day or glow like giant lanterns scattered across the landscape at night — as a child these balloons were nothing short of awe inspiring. Unfortunately, these incredible moments are not the most vivid memories I have of the Jubilee. The most vivid memory I have of these balloons, in fact one of the earliest and most vivid memories I have in general, is of when my mother left me with my half-sister to go on a tethered balloon ride. It was not explained to me that my mom was only going for brief ride, so in my three-year-old mind all I could see was that my mom was flying off somewhere and that she had left me in the arms of my half-sister, who was practically a stranger to me. As I watched her moving further and further away from land, I panicked and desperately called out to her as loud as I could, hoping that I could persuade her to reconsider leaving me. Besides the memory of the terror I felt being very clear in my mind, I’ll also never forget my mother’s response to me once her ride was over. “I wasn’t going anywhere, Joel,” she reassured me in a matter of fact tone. However, I did not feel assured. If anything, I felt confused and less safe. Looking back, I feel like I was owed an apology that ensured nothing like that would happen again. Meaningful Memories Of all of the days and events we live through in our lives, we only remember a very tiny percent of them. It is for this reason that I think we remember what we do for a reason. In other words, just as I think the symbols in our dreams are not random and can be interpreted to reveal important wisdom, so too do I think our memories, especially vivid ones, hold metaphorical significance. The reason this memory stands out so much to me is because it tells me everything about the kind of relationship I had with my mother when I was a child, as well as throughout the rest of my adult life. What this memory tells me is that I did not have a secure attachment with my mother. And because I did not experience a secure bond with her, I did not feel safe with her. I felt like I mattered so little to her that she could leave me at any time without hesitation if she so desired. Attachment Style The kind of attachment we have with our primary caregiver has a huge impact on the relationships we choose throughout our lives as well the relationship we have with ourselves. All children need a secure attachment with their primary caregiver. Children who experience a secure attachment are better equipped to maintain emotional balance in the face of stress and are more likely to develop a healthy sense of self. This was a need that was not met. My mother often kept her distance from me and my attempts to bond with her were often met with rejection. “Go back to your room,” she’d say frequently when I’d try to climb in bed with her to cuddle after I’d wake up in the middle of the night as a child. As a teenager, during the middle of conflicts she’d abruptly abandon the conversation by turning around, walking out the door, and driving off in her truck. Sometimes she would stay gone for hours. This only reinforced and confirmed my fears of abandonment as a child that if I upset her enough there would be nothing to stop her from leaving me — not even love. Also, my mother was very distracted and thus, emotionally absent. This wasn’t inevitable, of course. It was not like she just didn’t have the time to make proactive attempts to connect with me and ask me how I was doing. She was, after all, a full time mom. I just was not important enough for her to put me a little higher on her list of priorities. She certainly did have time to do things like pursue a degree in criminal justice, which she never used. Being the strident feminist that she was, I’m sure she was just exercising her “strength” and “independence” by liberating herself from the shackles of traditional gender roles. Essential Defenses Still, when caregivers are distracted or overworked, from a child’s perspective it appears as though mommy and daddy are on the verge of collapse. As a result, children naturally learn to adjust their behavior so as not to apply any extra pressure to their already exhausted parents. The last thing a child wants to be is the straw that breaks mommy’s back. In tribal societies, being too burdensome could easily result in abandonment, which for a child is synonymous with death since children simply cannot survive without a caregiver. Hiding preferences and emotions that would be perceived as inconvenient to the parents then becomes the default choice for a child whose survival depends on the bond between him and his caregiver. Ironically, the child can only exist through self-erasure. I like to think of this process as putting the true self in cryosleep, since we can never truly eradicate our authentic self, so that we can revive these parts of our identity at a latter date. Self-knowledge and therapy then become the process by which we unthaw ourselves. Without self-knowledge we will remain eternally frozen in the thick, murky ice of history. It’s hard to fully grasp the amount of stress a child experiences when he is put in the position of having to self-erase. A child naturally wants closeness, but when a child has parents who don’t want him to act upon getting this basic need met is to become “inconvenient,” which creates distance and rejection. However, to not act on getting this need met is to also ensure distance and isolation. It truly is a head wrecking double bind. The best option the child can hope for is to choose between the lesser of two torments. In any case, he is put in a position of choosing that which is most unnatural to him. When a child’s survival depends on the bond between he and his caregiver, the idea of having incompetent or cruel parents is a thought much to overwhelming for a child to entertain. What children do as a way to cope is to blame themselves for the abuse that is done unto them as a way of maintaining some semblance of an attachment with their caregivers. For example, if a mother is coldly distant and neglectful, this behavior can’t be seen by the child as the callous and rageful act that it truly is. Instead, the child says, “Mom must be distant because there’s something wrong with me. I must not be lovable.” Core Beliefs This is the origin of core beliefs. Core beliefs are the very essence of how we see ourselves, other people, and the world. Most of us will have developed very entrenched core beliefs by the time we have reached adulthood. These beliefs are deeply rooted in the unconscious where they will remain hidden like an artifact in an undersea shipwreck without deliberate efforts to bring them to the surface of awareness. Trauma from abuse and neglect has a detrimental impact on these core beliefs. For example, a secure attachment can lead us to form positive core beliefs about ourselves, such as “I am intrinsically lovable,” whereas traumatic experiences can lead us to form negative core beliefs about ourselves, such as, “Others will abandon me” or “I am not worth caring about.” When core beliefs form, it is as if the child becomes cursed as surely as if a witch had just waved her wand and cited a magical incantation that said, “from this day onward you will be chased by a rain cloud that will shower dysfunction and unhappiness upon your relationships.” Self-Fulfilling Prophecies What I mean by this is that core beliefs affects our behavior since these beliefs are liable to become self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, if I am a woman who had a violent and authoritarian father, I will unconsciously excuse his behavior by saying, “Men in general are oppressive and hostile.” This allows me to maintain distance from my unprocessed rage by projecting it into something abstract like “The Patriarchy” and therefore, maintain some sort of an attachment to him. Taking this route, however unjust and dishonest it may be, would also reward me with all the social approval that comes with pretending to be bravely taking up a just cause called, “feminism.” After all, it does take a great deal of courage to criticize men. Thus, because I believe men are oppressive and violent, I will bully men and feel that my misandry is justified as a form of self-defense. Lo and behold, because the men are being bullied, they will likely react to this hostility with hostility, which will in turn only serve to reinforce my core belief that, “Men are oppressive and hostile.” Suddenly, the victim becomes the aggressor and the aggressor becomes the victim in this topsy-turvy narrative that is so typical of projection. What We Don’t Process, We Repeat. While I have made enormous strides since I started on this path towards self-knowledge, to say that I have completely healed from not having my need for a secure attachment met would be dishonest. In fact, I still experience anxiety and insecurities that stem from this loss. Because my mother could and would leave at any moment, sometimes I find myself feeling anxiety when I interact with women that are even close friends. I notice, for example, that if I receive a message that seems unenthusiastic or very brief, I will immediately blame myself and think, “Hey, she doesn’t seem happy to talk to me. It must be because I did something wrong.” When I read these messages I also interpret them in such a say so that the other person sounds cold and dismissive, as if they just want me to go away, which in turn exacerbates my fears. And despite knowing consciously that my friends have never interacted with me in the way I’m imagining, these moments for me still become very visceral. Suddenly, I feel like I’m in the position of a child again who has no object constancy and is fearful that mommy is going to leave at any moment. I’m incredibly proud of myself for sitting with and exploring the anxiety, rather than managing it through behaviors that only would create the abandonment I fear the most. There is no external solution to the problem of insecurity. Insecurity must me tackled from within. With self-knowledge, I will lift the curse of the insecure attachment. Find more great content at Self-Knowledge Daily

To say that somebody is talking to much is just another way of saying somebody isn't asking enough questions. For more great content go to: selfknowledgedaily.com

After recently going through an indie game called undertale I’ve had lots of feelings come spur inside me that seemed to melt away my cynicism about "the world". I think this is because of my 1 year in therapy, dealing with self-knowledge relentlessly and totally new and better healthy company of acquaintances and friends. However the game was yet another spark that after listening the soundtrack trough also felt really good and came to this realization. The track in the game that finally broke the camel’s back called "Hopes and dreams" followed by "SAVE the world" And it hit me, we often speak of, wish, dream or try to save the world and fight evil or/and defend freedom trough reason evidence and logic. In my own mind i felt hopelessness about my own life and future because fundamentally i felt despair having to combat the seemingly impossible task of fighting evil. The desire in me to be good and spread goodness and to save others. I believed it was not only MY job to take on evil of the world but most importantly that it was the World that needed saving. I was wrong. The world is not needing of saving the "World" is cant have peace any more than sun can calm the fuck down. I was anthomorphising human corruption and evil STILL to reality itself. And when i finally said "Save the humans" or "Peace among humankind" i felt switch in my head like someone had suddenly turned the light up and shattered all the shadows around me. I felt as if i didn’t NEED to save the world because it was impossible, a way of making it a false hope inside me and thus greatest source of despair. If humans are the ones in trouble and human ones that DO evil then saving the ones i can save or HELP is enough. Suddenly it’s enough to help/save few because it’s no longer about being the hero that saves the world by destroying evil and overcomes all odds and come out on top. But rather about not believing in false hope or obligations that are impossible, believing in goodness that is possible for me here and now. That my life, MY hopes and dreams arent in the chains of despair, of cynicism, of nihilism, of others "eye rolling and world wearyness." That my hopes and dreams, my goals, what i value is not IMPOSSIBLE TASK and forever evading me elusive like heaven or some paradise somewhere yet out of reach. And the game itself Undertale deal with this notion exactly. It’s about society, childhood trauma, betrayal of innocence and origins of war. It deals with cynicism, with violence, pessimism, nihilism about goodness and is in many ways about the PROJECTION of ones experiences unto reality itself. I’d recommend playing the game for its profound way to speak to your feelings while taking the fourth wall and kissing it goodbye.

Hello everybody. Long time lurker, first time poster. I wanted to bring up the subject of comfort objects that many of us attach to as children (i.e. stuffed animals, blankets, etc.) In my case, I had a blanket that I would cling to. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep without it until the age of 6 or so. With what I've gathered from reading articles about it, the consensus seems to be that it's a perfectly normal and healthy thing that even helps a child develop. I'm not sure if it's been discussed on the podcast or this forum before, but I find myself questioning the dogma that it's normal and healthy. I can certainly see that if a child isn't having their needs met and they aren't forming a healthy attachment to their parents, they could end up forming an attachment to an object instead. I'm curious to see what thoughts you guys have on this. It's something I started thinking about and I haven't made any conclusions yet. Did you have a comfort object also? Is it normal and healthy?

I just wanted everyone to know that I have reached that moment where you look at all your hard work and finally find yourself feeling that it was all worth it instead of having to tell yourself it WILL be all worth it eventually. I was on the bus and I just started thinking about my family and how I have, for the most part, dealt with them, and how excited I am to start my new family with the most amazing man on this entire planet! We've been together for 5 years and we are completely committed, and have such a great, loving, honest, compassionate, and nurturing relationship. He is actually the one that introduced me to FDR. And let me tell you, we were going down such a dangerous path because we let our parents and our pasts speak through us and dictate our actions and irrational behavior. And don't get me wrong, it was really tough going there for a while. But we both confronted our pasts, no matter how painful and uncomfortable and we talked, and still do. We have taken so many steps to rid our lives of people who aren't virtuous and moral. That includes family, friends, and basically everyone. We pretty much only have each other. We will continue to work everyday to make our lives together, and our future children's lives, better. I know better is pretty vague, but if we have such a great relationship right now, and strive to "better" ourselves everyday, by the time our children get here, I'm going to be a wonderful mother, and he will be a wonderful father. I couldn't think of a better father, husband, or friend than him. Anyways, I know this was really mushy and all that, but I just had to express how happy I am right now and how excited I am for the future.

Okay everyone, I am going to be brave here I believe although I have to add that at the moment I feel pretty confident I was wondering (eyelashes flutter and shoulders pushed back ) if any nice and attractive women on here would wanna...well you know...umm...get to know me? Okay I'll throw it out there! Any single ladies (to reference Mrs Knowles-Carter's vocals) want to go out with me? I believe I am virtuous and I am working on my virtue currently and...forever. Just got to say, I am ready for potential trolls and I must ask...where shall I paint the target? Lastly, this I believe is pretty darn obvious but it's best for this to be a private message thing rather than an open forum thing. Okay then.

Movie Review: "Love and Mercy", a film biography of musical genius Brian Wilson. I just saw this beautiful film tonight and was so deeply moved by the story that I went back to see it again an hour later, to spend more time immersed in the life of Brian Wilson. I'm surprised it's not been reviewed here previously, as the movie so beautifuly and powerfully portrays insights well-discussed here on FDR, including: the long-term impact of child abuse on character development and personal happiness the lonlieness of genius the importance of strong Attachment to worthy individuals how child abuse can establish a pattern of exploitation the beauty of life and the creative impulse the beauty of loving Attachment Highly recommended! I also found the film to be Fun, a great set of vicarious experiences, and full of good music! Spoiler alert: To experience the Film "fresh", delay reading below until after you've seen the film. . . Spoiler altert! . . Early in the film, we learn that musical genius Brian Wilson had been brutally abused throughout his childhood. His unrepentantly abusive father continues to abuse him as an adult and continues to exploit his offspring financially as well through his control of the business side of their highly successful pop band, "The Beach Boys". When the abusive father is finally "fired", Brian next falls under the control of an unrepentantly abusive clinical psychologist. In the end, he is saved after he forms a strong Attachment with a Worthy woman.

On Sunday 2pm GMT. Do you keep thoughts, desires or emotions to yourself? Does anyone know the real you? We only experience superficial relationships when we are afraid to share ourselves fully - telling our truth is an intimate act. The free Being Completely Loved webinar will help you understand why we lie by omission and how to get the intimacy that you need. Please CLICK BELOW TO REGISTER for the webinar and start meeting other people who are ready to move deeply into intimacy. http://www.newlivingparadigms.com/webinar.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMIXlvmiZQM

Where existentialism meets love, next Tuesday 10th March 7pm PDT. Register at Eventbrite absolutely free: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/beyond-fantasies-webinar-tickets-15857546348 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl_jfKJM2mA

Hello, my name is benji (: I am a very driven person who loves to stay busy and meet new people (: . I just graduated with my bachelors degree in psychology with a minor in special education. I chose this path because I think it truly is the best way for me individually to help people and to spread the knowledge of goodness (: .In regards to what I do for fun, I love to play soccer. I have played for the UNC men's soccer team throughout my college career, which I will miss once I graduate. Although, I have just joined a Fort Collins coed soccer team!! AND IT IS SOO MUCH FUN!! hehe... I love to be active and routinely involve myself in different sports clubs and programs in order to live my life to the fullest (: . Most of all I love goodness/virtue, morality, and love. I spend most of my days researching and learning about new therapeutic methods in hopes to begin to add some good into this world (:. Simply I love knowledge,morality, honesty, and integrity. these are the some of the most important principles that make up the nature of who and what I am. Interestingly, I do enjoy partying and letting loose. But I am finding thats not exactly what makes me happy in all honesty. Although, I am very extroverted and can be the life of the party. hehe. Thusly, I enjoy long walks that involve lots of talking, i routinely video tape conversations I have, in order to preserve those moments that we all love, that we all wish to last forever (: .... What i loev most of all is creating and maintaining a deep and loving connection based on honesty. I am currently seeking a 100% honest and open relationship. Specifically my standards for relationships are only 3 honesty, courage, and kindness. These are the standards by which I am currently seeking a romantic partner and friends in my life. If your curious about anyone of my standards. I will love to discuss them further (: ... life is a series of challenges, but having people who you can share those hard occasions with is something that will only make those obstacles easier and more fun to climb together (: .... So what do you say? message me and lets do some climbing. hehe hehe, I simply love to love, . I do have a plan for the future, but of course, life and everything is always subject to change at any moment, so embrace the change, as no doubt, IT IS a beautiful time to LIVE!.... Also, I am a health nut so to speak. Eating healthy, working out, and maintaining my physical health is a very important quality of my life. (:, .... , In observation of my "Benji Nature" I am truly a cuddle bug and especially enjoy cuddling my fluffy puppy Charles, hehe. I have been told that i am a soft warm hearth to entertain ideas and enlighten the harder issues that many of us struggle with. for example, relgion, politics, life and death, purpose of life, these are all some of the most important things THAT ARE NEVER TALKED ABOUT!! therefore my goal is to change the world ........... with 1 tool love/empathy. and love is what i am seeking (: although, that will take time, so please know that truly, we are just becoming friends, because best friends make the best, life time lovers (:

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So lately I've been feeling a bit weird. Or better put, I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling about this situation. I have 2 really close friends. We're a fucking tripod! Or so it used to be. Me and my other two friends grew up in our teens together closer then any one else we met before or after. But about two years before high school ended one of our friends got a girlfriend (his first). After this our hangouts have decreased significantly. .Of course things like college and work get in the way as well as a girlfriend, but even during breaks we hardly ever hang out. And many petty things have happened to us since then. Our friend has repeatedly ditched us for his girlfriend. And its been getting really ridiculous. We have been turned down from hanging out with him for things like 1 and a quarter year anniversaries. It was so many anniversaries I can't remember which ones. At one point I asked him to go to a concert with me. And he couldn't go that day for legitimate reasons. But then the next time I asked him if he wanted to go to a concert with me he told me he made a promise with his girlfriend. They promised each other that they would both go to their first concert together which meant me and him going was out of the question. It's stuff like that. But now he's told us that he plans on proposing to her in about a month. We haven't even met her yet. I don't even think he wants us to meet her. I don't know if this is just me being jealous because I myself have never even had a girlfriend.or been close to getting one, or if I'm feeling kind of floored by his ditching us for his girlfriend. Do you guys think I am justified in feeling betrayed?

(This is to all the men) Ahh, you ever find a woman who is beautiful & has an awesome personality? Well I did & I have been talking to her only to find out that she has a boyfriend. My chances are crushed under the boot of lost love & it doesn't feel good. Is there anyone out there who can relate?

Hey there! So its my first post on this beautiful board. So i thought I'd make it a good one! I've been so inspired by some of Stef's recent podcasts about lofty ambitions and reaching one's full potential that i thought I'd ask.. What are everyone's ambitions? What are everyones goals / dreams? What is everyone striving toward? This can be anything you like (obviously). What i mean by that is it doesn't just have to be a job or abstraction (e.g world peace). It could be anything. Any situation, Any Goal, Any hopes or dream that your aspiring to with the help of philosophy. I'l start. I wan't to make music full time. I want to make music that as Stef puts it "Lights the electricity in peoples spines!". I've been writing for 15 years so I think I'm well on my way I want a life entirely surrounded by people i love and admire & who love and admire me. Shoot.

So I called into the show Wednesday September 4th, 2013 (podcast 2474) and asked Stef about romantic relationships and finding the right woman. Here is the podcast. My call starts at about 1 hr 4min.http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FreedomainRadioVolume6/~3/mo7sxiqZzcM/FDR_2474_Wednesday_Show_4_Sep_2013.mp3 I listened from podcast 0 to 500 before that show, and after, 500 to 1190. Needless to say I have a lot of tools to work with, thanks to Stefan and this awesome community. Since that call, I found a wonderful woman and fell completely in love with her, and she with me. Now in all my relationships prior, I used the relationships as a way to not be alone. I didn't do that this time. I was always 100% honest and open, curious, and empathetic. She reciprocated the whole way. Throughout our relationship we never had one fight, but did disagree on a few occasions. We'd tell each other when we got hurt and talk through it. It was by far the most fun I have ever had and the most happy I have been since I was maybe 5 years old. Due to circumstance beyond either of our control, and to the heart break of us both, we realized we had to end our relationship. I've lost my best friend and confidant, and the most amazing person I've ever met. In my prior relationships, I could always look back and see all the horrible mistakes that I made which contributed to the ending of those relationships. In this case, though, while I was not perfect, I feel like I gave everything I had. I was all in for the first time. Neither of us did anything to cause the other person to want to end the relationship. I feel like I've overcome my pattern of seeking out broken women to be in a romantic relationship with and then hiding from them. I feel older. My question is this: Basically, how do you deal with loss when you did nothing wrong? I feel I trained for the Olympic swim team, broke records in qualifying, and on the day of the final meet, broke the world record by 10 seconds, but before I reached the end of the swim they turned all the lights off and closed down the Olympics forever. This is all still very raw for me so I apologize if it's rambling or grandiose or disjointed. Any help on what comes after a healthy yet painful break up would be appreciated. I've never had a healthy break up before. Thanks again FDR, Nathan

I was born to drug addicts, crack for mom, heroin for dad. Dad was in and out (so to speak) for the early years of my life, he didn't become a concrete fixture until I was probably 5. One of my earliest memories was being sent with money into a crackhouse across the street from our apartment (we lived in subsidized housing aka Da projects) to get my moms drugs for her. "dont tell dad and dont look inside the package he gives you." It seems ridiculous to even try to defend that kind of a situation but I knew the house, my friend TJ lived there with his dad and his dads girlfriend. His dad was a crack dealer. My father as I said was strung out most of the time, he worked as a carpenter and also he beat people up for a small time loan shark. Another lovely childhood memory was sitting in my mothers lap in my dads car while he went to collect and the guy he was collecting from pulled a gun and traced it on my mother and I in the car. It was the 1st time I ever saw my father beat someone into the ground and take his wallet and gun. Then my brother Ricky was born, roughly around 6 or 7 months premature. Open heart surgery, collapsed lungs, messed up eardrums, so on and so forth, I was 4 or 5. All I knew was that my mother was dying, my new brother was sure to die, and my dad just dropped my off at random relatives homes. They tried to push religion on me at that time and even back then I could tell how incredibly bullshit it was. If there was a god, he would not be murdering my mom and my brother. Even now I think back on this stuff and I am overwhelmed with grief, christ help me when I hear the song "Over the rainbow" Which played in its awful 8bit glory on some crappy windup toy my Memere bought for Ricky. So much pain, so much misery. It was like I was collecting the interest off of the misery my parents bore. They both grew up in broken homes without fathers. My mothers father an alcoholic womanizer left the family when she was barely 8 and my fathers father an alcoholic WW2 veteran who bombed his mothers home city in Germany committed suicide by putting his head in a gas oven when my father was 10. My father and his brother my Uncle Dan, found him there dead. And these things of course terminally stained my parents minds. That is no excuse, just some background info. Ricky and mom did survive just barely, but we still all bear the scars. I feel traumatized by these things. Even now just nearly 33 years old. I feel helpless in the dark in the broken silent moments of night as I lay awake. Swimming in these memories and thoughts, love, anger, hatred and then guilt. SO much guilt. Guilt for the things I suffered, guilt for the things I have done in response. Guilt for being cold and hard towards my fellow man and my family after I survived such insane fucking reality. I could probably reduce most people along with myself to tears, there is so much of this shit. I recall vividly still being molested by a neighbor who lived next door. Another sadistic fucked up depraved drug addict. These are the kind of people our culture produced. I held that in for 30 years before I told anybody, by the time I told my mother she cried... she cried and cried and I stood there, cool and indifferent. Feeling guilty that this data would make her cry. Its why I didn't ever want to tell anybody, but the secret was literally tearing my mind apart after holding it for 20+ years. And in heated angry moments, shouting at my mother as she stared at me, eyes aghast in denial and incredulity all she could mutter was that life didn't come with instructions. Which is of course true, and also part manipulation. She is incapable of being responsible, and that only enrages me further. To the point where I will be standing over her berating her like her own mother should have been back then. Mom was stuck on illegal drugs at least until she began doctor shopping, and it is my belief that she had been on prescription drugs for the majority of my life. Dad got clean, I remember when it happened. I don't know what sparked it, no one ever told me. But one day I was sent off to live with my insane aunt Cindy in another ghetto, Ricky was sent off to stay with my aunt Sally and Colby our younger brother was sent off to stay with our fathers best friend and the only "Uncle" i ever knew Chuck. I dont remember how long it took but during this time I got really into my 1st real addiction. Nintendo. Well living in the ghetto is bad, not to a childs mind. There was certainly a lot of other kids to play with and being the 80s crack epidemic there was no shortage of skinny teenagers with pillow sacks filled with 5 dollar NES carts. I plunged head 1st into the 8 bit realities Miyamoto had constructed for me and it was there that I found some sort of semblance of normalcy. Mom and dad are fighting? Mario Brothers, Mom tried to stab dad with a kitchen knife? Legend of Zelda, Ricky nearly dead? Metroid. It was then I believe that I learned to pacify myself with fantasy and imagination. There wasnt much else to do. **** At this point I am very well aware dear readers how much jumping around I am doing, and I will try to bring this to a head in a bit, but I apologize in advance for the jittery nature... there is SO SO much dysfunction that its hard to just lay it all out in order, especially when much of this stuff happened to me before the age of 10. I was cursed / blessed with a very deep and vivid memory. All my life people have called me an information sponge. Anyway... Folks ended up getting clean, well sort of. Dad was and is still an Alcoholic and mom has been on narcotic prescriptions. They never got rid of the addictions, just the illegal aspect of fulfilling them. Thanks government! We ended up moving when I was in 3rd grade to a very nice town. They still live there to this day. It was a move I dont think I ever recovered from. I recall in the old hood having more friends than I could count. And while yes most of them are now dead or in jail i at least had people to talk to. In our new town I had a very very difficult time making friends. They just didn't get me. They all had cold lunches packed with care, and cute fluffy dogs and parents without drug addictions and solid jobs, they sat around and talked about the future and how their days went. Their moms and dads did their homework with them, they reminded me of everything I never had. Although I learned how to lie quite well about those things. How to deny to myself and others how horrible broken my family was. I even had people convinced that my life was better. but I secretly hated them, I despised them. I thought they were weak, and self centered. They wished their mothers and fathers dead for not buying them gameboys or for taking them on long boring trips to Florida to the beach... I have still never been to Florida. I became isolated. Obsessed with dark things, horror movies, monsters, demons, guns, and death. I projected myself into dark antihero roles like the Punisher, Blade or Ghost Rider. Because Superman was a bitch, when the hell did superman ever suffer? He was not a real hero. Its not hard to be a hero when you're indestructible. I liked antiheroes. Dark heroes. People who were broken like me who didn't just want to save the innocents like children from dark forces but who wanted to take those dark forces and torture them. Not jail them. Torture them. Cut their skin off piece by piece, give them an IV so they wouldn't die so I could prolong the torture. I realized I was sick. I kept myself, to myself. Even today, if I ever came across that guy who molested me as a kid. I would kidnap him and torture him until he begged me to end his life, and then I would prolong it even longer. This is the result of holding in anger like poison for an entire life. You stare into the void and eventually the void stares back into you. I cannot deny this part of myself. It is a stain that has lasted all my life. And it has spilled into every facet of that life. People know me as dark minded, maybe evil. But not chaotic evil, more of a lawful evil. Its not true of course, in fact I don't want to hurt anybody and it was those feelings that made me cling to rationality. Like benchmarks of land in a sea of molten fiery emotions that I could navigate from. Bless Marcus Aurelius for introducing me to Stoicism. If I hadn't figured out how to get my feelings in check, I would have turned mass murderer long ago. It didn't help that talking was just something we didn't do at home. To my parents talking meant they talked and I did what they said. Which lead me to my 1st survival instinct in life. Never tell mom or dad anything. I still abide by this. ***** Now to the crux of this screed, I am fully aware now of how broken my emotional background is. I haven't even let but a drip of the hellish soul crushing damnation of my life out here... in fact I don't even know how I could. We would need 33 years worth of text to get a scope of my life. But I come to the conclusion that my feelings are out of control. Which is why I so tightly clamp down on them. But the clampage manifests in other ways, anxiety, rage, random crying etc. And hatred... so much hatred, the wounded broken heart of a small boy who was failed by every institution that was supposed to protect him. How do you square with the toxic cocktail of hatred and love? The love of consciousness, the love of what little family I had, the longing for a time when things were simpler, when were were broken but together. Now that we are all older and rarely see one and other it weighs heavily on me. We all love each other but cannot say it, we hate each other but wont say it... I don't know how I should feel anymore. Once I broke free from the mind mold of my control freak parents especially Dad, I felt adrift in an ocean of confusion. Is this just adulthood? Why do I hate and love everything? Why do I want to see everything burn but fight these feelings back in the name of reason? I feel like a collapsing star being held up by that last bastion of nuclear forces as the gravity of reality crushes me in all directions. I am paralyzed with thoughts and indecision. Thanks for reading.

I don't think it needs much more clarification... I was just petting my cat when I realized that I care for this life in a very selfless and unconditional kind of way, the way that I care for certain people in my life. Could it be projection or could it be that I do actually love my cat? We're not talking bestiality here, although if you think that's relevant, I'm open to considering it's relevance.