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Can there be a sibling in my IFS, when I'm an only child? There were times in my youth when I often wished I'd had a brother. As a spindly and shy girl growing up, I rarely felt confident in myself. I spent a lot of time thinking, and would ponder how much better my life would be, if only I had a brother to give me advice, to protect me, and to share in the authority of my parents. A number of years later, my mom and I were sitting alone at the dining room table having a conversation. I think I was in my 30's at the time. Though I'm not sure how the topic came up, nor do I recall having mentioned it to her before, I admitted to her that I had always wished I'd had a sibling. It felt like I was confiding a big secret. Then, I asked her why she and dad had decided not to have any more children. She grew sad and her answer was not one I had expected. She told me that she got pregnant again within weeks after I was born. She went on to tell me that she had lost the baby in a miscarriage and it had been due to an error made by the doctor who had delivered me. (Alert for any men who get queasy at the mention of the birth process, be forewarned.) She said the doctor had neglected to remove the afterbirth after I was born and that it had caused the miscarriage of the pregnancy that followed. She said she was never able to get pregnant again afterwards. She began crying and I recall telling her how sorry I was. I got up and hugged her until she regained her composure. After the conversation, I had an overwhelming feeling that I was at fault somehow for the miscarriage. I'm not sure why I felt responsible, but I did. It was obviously the incompetence of an ill-trained doctor, but was it something in the way she had told me or was it something in the way I processed her answer to my question that made me feel otherwise? Though I didn't mention it to my mom (and we've never discussed it since), I went through a period of grief after that conversation. Grief for the loss of my sibling. Grief that I had somehow caused it. It was a deep sense of bereavement. To console myself through the grief, in my mind, I created the brother I never had. I mourned him. I embraced him. I visualized him. I imagined what it would have been like to grow up together. Did I answer the very question I began with? Do I carry him with me still? Upon reflection, I'd say yes, there can be a sibling in my IFS. Though I'm an only child, I feel I have a sibling and he lives in me. I'm not sure what role he plays yet. Perhaps he's been there all along as the one who helps me find answers to life's unknowns and the place to hide when I feel threatened. It seems time to pay him a visit and to get to know him better. I welcome any input from others who have experience with the IFS and can advise me if this is indeed possible. And also any input as to why I would have felt responsible for the loss.