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so, yes the title is to help draw you in but it does have a purpose. ill explain. I will also do my best to remember to correct improper grammer and spelllng errors along the way, my mind races. My fathers preferred and really only method of discipline was spanking and threats of spanking. Ill get to the board issue in a bit. And occasionally asking if I wanted the spankings now or later. I always chose later because there was a high likely hood I would earn....kinda makes me sick framing it that way; more later so best to receive the volley all at once. Now he wasn't all bad. I learned how to mow lawns, repair plumbing and install electrical fixtures. I can drive a stick, do my own auto repairs, fish and hunt....and that stealing is ok. he taught me stealing is ok if theres an opportunity and the risk of getting caught is low. he stole from his work. and was open about it. he didn't exactly advocate for it but he was open about admitting it to what he got. I was arrested as a teen for shoplifting. go figure. my dilemma is that I have 180· on a lot of issues after Stefan taught me about self knowledge and peaceful parenting. my step son tells me he loves me know. Stefans wisdom has helped me save he relationship with my kids. im more cautious about who my kids are around. I have many conversations with myself regarding my parents and bringing my children around them anymore. I wouldn't take my kids over to someones house if I knew they hit their own children because I now find the immoral and reprehensible. and it would be hypocritical of me to give others a free pass based on there relationship to me. My two brothers and I moved out as soon as we turned 18. moved out of state for a bit and never returned. I almost cant blame them for what we all went through although I received the majority of the abuse. I miss my brothers. I snapped (over text) about what they done and how it made me feel and my fathers response was "that's not how I remember it" and my step mothers was "my mother was abusive to me and I turned out fine" (paraphrasing) they seem to be good people now they they don't have the responsibility of raising kids. if they aren't those people anymore is at worth trying to get some sort of closure but is it worth it if they wont admit to their mistakes? I learned a lot of great things from my parents but when you peel the layers away thay still hit me with wood boards. thank you for any and all advice and comments.