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Hi there thinkers, Part of a series. (previous: Willpower comes from...) This is the core(I'd like to discuss) : Real friendship requires...., because... and In order to be in a real friendship it's greatly beneficial... This is my current approximation(my example): Real friendship requires_unrellenting dedication to truth_, because_life is short and you wouldn't want to be wasting your (or other's) time, especially not in the form of enabling abuse(a soft form, that is). and In order to be in a real friendship it's greatly beneficial_to not be in non-real friendships as much as humanly possible. Cheers, Barnsley - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - P. s. To those who are interested in my thought process behind the topic, here's the long version: [ I'm a straightforwardly aligned individual. The general rule of thumb for me is, I will speak my mind (except for obvious 'red flags', inappropriate palce/time) with asking for permission to do so. If I had to put my experience with this approach into percentages... (my approximation, rounded assertions IT DOESN'T MEAN it is how everything / everyone operates, thinks... I am trying to give you what I concluded un-filtered. I might be very well wrong.) - Group 1. as in 90% would deny validity or deflect from the get-go (mostly with rationalisations, no curiosity of my meaning to clarify, understand whatsoever, sea of immediate 'red-flags') - Group 2/a. as in 5% would respond neutrally (maybe ask 1 or 2 questions back, but usually within a short period of time 'something would come up that was 'obviously' had to be dealt with(, naturally;)) and the conversation would end there and then) - Group 2/b. as in (of) that 5% remaining, I could hash out my message(confirm same level of understanding) and ask for more from the other person's thought processes , eventually discovering (each of us) something fascinating, useful. BUT! - the 90% afterwards steer clear of me - the first 5% would throttle back to 'loving from the distance' - the last 5% would be more relaxed and not beat around the bush in the future about things, give an all-knowing smile/nod except for the process of showing intent of wanting to move closer to each other after that 'energising' convo... beats me(well, not really) - In the end, if I looked back how much real friendships was developed from the 100% = 1-2 after meeting 120-200 people(actual statistics from 789 people I've met regarding this subject within the last 1,5yrs) each and EVERY ONE OF THEM would fade away(forgotten plants, drying out from lack of water) as reciprocity wouldn't be present. i. e. (they'd ask for my contact, inviting me to social events, agreeing to meet... every time I did, it would fail for lack of following through from the person who was 'supposedly also interested'. I respect people's boundaries, if I feel / detect that I'm too much, I disengage and wait to see if there's a call back... seldom there is.) My conclusions and why I am not sure how to tackle the question of finding enough deep and meaningful connections: 1. I'm clearly not efficient, lots of room for improvement. {while also} Most people are terrified to speak or hear the truth. 2. You can't 'choose' friends, but you can be chosen and then you get to decide if that's what you want. 3. Reciprocal and deep relationships require virtuous people, staying honest. Virtues require connectedness with the true-self. As people age, so the fog thickens people allow (and around 30ish or having a comfortable looking life:) . The effort to re-evaluate usually comes from emergencies, catastrophic outcomes... if the danger ebbs away, so does most often than not the previous curiosity too... until the next unforeseen disaster, at which stage the idea of turning the tide is even more disheartening (seemingly, understandably). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Let's say that someone is talking as if they know something that they really shouldn't be so certain about, or doing the false humility bit, or that a person is expressing some kind of emotional depth that they probably don't really have, and that's what being pretentious means. How does a person regulate that in themselves? A person isn't going to say to themselves: "hey, I'm going to act like I know a lot more than I really do" (or if they do then they've got bigger problems, lol) so, considering that, how could they take any kind of preventative measures? It's got to be unconscious, right? When people are being pretentious, it's not like the people around them are going to be all that willing to say: "hey man, I think you may need to express just a little more humility about that" so it's not often that a person who's being pretentious gets that reflected back to them. And if they do, it's usually very hard to accept. Occasionally (though it seems very rare) there is a person who comes off as a little pretentious and it turns out that they have some real wisdom there, and while although they might need to work on their presentation, they are ultimately right about what they are saying. So I guess what I'm saying is that it's not always obvious, so it can be difficult to draw that distinction, expecially from the inside. It would be a shame if a person were then making themselves out to be pretentious when they weren't or they became paranoid about it, because they couldn't make that distinction for themselves. I've heard it said that pretentiousness is an over-compensation for insecurity, but over compensated as compared to what? Someone who never expresses their opinions? People who are just over the top pretentious are probably beyond helping anyway, but I just mean the more subtle kinds of pretentiousness. The kind that most (all?) people have to some degree. I'd love to hear if someone has faced their own capacity for pretentiousness and how they work with it. Is this problem really as hard as it seems or am I missing something important? lol!