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As anyone who has chosen the long arduous journey of self-knowledge will know, the first step towards self -actualization involves awareness. For example, in order to make the choice to heal themselves, one must be aware that they have a wound. But, while this might be the first step, it is by no means always easy. Awareness requires conscious effort. One must have the courage to be willing to forgo the immediate comforts of empty-headedness, regardless of how unpleasant the facts are. Another obstacle is the process called normalization wherein a particular belief or behavior, no matter how shocking, over time because of its incessant exposure, is taken for granted. Richard Dawkins uses the phrase, "the anaesthetic of familiarity." which is " an anaesthetic of familiarity, a sedative of ordinariness which dulls the senses and hides the wonder of existence.". I would tack on the words, 'and horror' after the word wonder. Not just for the sake of pessimism, but because it is true and necessary to see the horror if our goal is to free ourselves and the world. I was able to counter the anaesthetic today while watching an old VHS tape on youtube that I really enjoyed when I was a child. [/font] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrRZ7aMZyfI As I watched this, I began to feel my heart open up. I began to feel the enthusiasm and excitement that was being expressed by these children. I admired and envied their wonderful capacity for self expression, for assertiveness, and for bluntness. I found myself thinking, 'if only adults were more like this, my god that would be fun!' I wanted to play with them. I wanted to act goofy and to sing with them. I was then overwhelmed with sadness and began to weep heavily after the realization that I couldn't go back and do these things. I then thought that what is even more sad is not the fact that I cannot go back, but the fact that I spent my childhood watching the fun rather than having the fun. Everyday that I had spent staring at a television was an opportunity to sing, and laugh, and play with my parents or my sister that will be forever missed. Another observation is that there were no monotone kids! Because I was never listened to as a child, I never got use to modulating the note of my voice, so I'm can sound quite monotone and not even hear it in myself. Stef, thankfully, gently pointed this out to me. "I would really like to hear your voice come alive", he said. Thanks again for your feedback, Stef. I would too. Also, what shocked me was the reactions the children and others had when the elephant character would keep making mistakes. I have become so accustomed to be shamed or humiliated after making an error, that I've developed strong perfectionist standards, which require that I "get it right the first time!". But here, there was no shaming. When the elephant makes a mistake nobody says in a sharp tone, "I told you to be careful, you should have listened!" Everyone reacted with curiosity, compassion, and eagerness to help. And when whatever problem was solved everyone cheered. And when the children explains to the elephant why what she did was a bad idea they bluntly say, "I understand your intention, but the way you fixed it was wrong." After knocking over a fence and telling the train what happened the train just says, "oh, and did you learn anything?" Anyways, the film was an incredible learning experience. I felt like my adult and child self were looking at one another simultaneously with the same amount of astonishment asking each other, "woah, you talk that negatively to yourself, how come?", "woah, you talk that compassionately to yourself, how come?"