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Most of us have years of experience being dependent on abusive caregivers. As children, this is not chosen, but a consequence of being small, fragile, and powerless. However as adults, I believe it is a choice to remain dependent on abusive former-caregivers. I think there is reason why we are influenced to make this decision to remain dependent. I will speak primarily of my own experience in this regard. I have had over two decades of experience being financially and emotionally dependent on my abusive mother. A primary theme in our relationship has been verbal and physical conflict. This was present from my earliest memories, and persists today. There are more than a handful of these conflicts that I can look back on and say "I cannot imagine how this could have gotten worse." I feel I have "seen it all" when it comes to the extremes of how a conflict could escalate between us. What comes with this two-decade long experience is a certain set of skills. I have enormously more experience managing abuse than I have had developing any other skill. Therefore, despite being traumatic and emotionally unhealthy, my continued chosen exposure to abuse contains a vast familiarity, predictability, and ability to manage. And what is worse, the development of these skills has come at a huge cost of developing the opposite skills necessary to flourish in a life without abuse - some of which are negotiation, patience, sobriety, and mindfulness. Therefore, I feel that abuse is predictable, and can therefore seem comfortable and alluring, while a rejection of abuse is unpredictable, challenging, and therefore uncomfortable and frightening. TL;DR My question is this: what is your experience in manifesting the courage needed to reject and move on from a state of dependency on abusive care-givers? What precautions did you take? How did you manage the anxiety? Did your independence come slowly, or did you make deliberate, powerful decisions which you knew would make you very uncomfortable in the short term for the benefit of the long term? I personally want to move on from my state of dependency, but I realize the allure of being comfortable can distort my decisions and my plans to become independent. I am wondering what time horizon I should expect of myself, whether I make rapid decisions to leave my abuse ASAP, or whether I should take relatively more time to make sure when I leave, that I will be able to sustain myself for good. Any personal experiences you share are much appreciated.