Search the Community

Hi there thinkers, Part of a series. (previous: Willpower comes from...) This is the core(I'd like to discuss) : Real friendship requires...., because... and In order to be in a real friendship it's greatly beneficial... This is my current approximation(my example): Real friendship requires_unrellenting dedication to truth_, because_life is short and you wouldn't want to be wasting your (or other's) time, especially not in the form of enabling abuse(a soft form, that is). and In order to be in a real friendship it's greatly beneficial_to not be in non-real friendships as much as humanly possible. Cheers, Barnsley - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - P. s. To those who are interested in my thought process behind the topic, here's the long version: [ I'm a straightforwardly aligned individual. The general rule of thumb for me is, I will speak my mind (except for obvious 'red flags', inappropriate palce/time) with asking for permission to do so. If I had to put my experience with this approach into percentages... (my approximation, rounded assertions IT DOESN'T MEAN it is how everything / everyone operates, thinks... I am trying to give you what I concluded un-filtered. I might be very well wrong.) - Group 1. as in 90% would deny validity or deflect from the get-go (mostly with rationalisations, no curiosity of my meaning to clarify, understand whatsoever, sea of immediate 'red-flags') - Group 2/a. as in 5% would respond neutrally (maybe ask 1 or 2 questions back, but usually within a short period of time 'something would come up that was 'obviously' had to be dealt with(, naturally;)) and the conversation would end there and then) - Group 2/b. as in (of) that 5% remaining, I could hash out my message(confirm same level of understanding) and ask for more from the other person's thought processes , eventually discovering (each of us) something fascinating, useful. BUT! - the 90% afterwards steer clear of me - the first 5% would throttle back to 'loving from the distance' - the last 5% would be more relaxed and not beat around the bush in the future about things, give an all-knowing smile/nod except for the process of showing intent of wanting to move closer to each other after that 'energising' convo... beats me(well, not really) - In the end, if I looked back how much real friendships was developed from the 100% = 1-2 after meeting 120-200 people(actual statistics from 789 people I've met regarding this subject within the last 1,5yrs) each and EVERY ONE OF THEM would fade away(forgotten plants, drying out from lack of water) as reciprocity wouldn't be present. i. e. (they'd ask for my contact, inviting me to social events, agreeing to meet... every time I did, it would fail for lack of following through from the person who was 'supposedly also interested'. I respect people's boundaries, if I feel / detect that I'm too much, I disengage and wait to see if there's a call back... seldom there is.) My conclusions and why I am not sure how to tackle the question of finding enough deep and meaningful connections: 1. I'm clearly not efficient, lots of room for improvement. {while also} Most people are terrified to speak or hear the truth. 2. You can't 'choose' friends, but you can be chosen and then you get to decide if that's what you want. 3. Reciprocal and deep relationships require virtuous people, staying honest. Virtues require connectedness with the true-self. As people age, so the fog thickens people allow (and around 30ish or having a comfortable looking life:) . The effort to re-evaluate usually comes from emergencies, catastrophic outcomes... if the danger ebbs away, so does most often than not the previous curiosity too... until the next unforeseen disaster, at which stage the idea of turning the tide is even more disheartening (seemingly, understandably). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -