saveyourself1 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm completely done with it. I have all the closure I need now. I have been reading messages my wife and I exchanged when we were in the beginning of our relationship over the internet and comparing it to now and virtually nothing has changed with her. I have changed a lot since then, but not nearly as much as I'd like, and I can't be honest with these things with her. The thing is, I can, but when I do, she attacks me. I will just objectively explain away a story about what happened that involves her brother, her, her Mom, or anybody she knows and "Loves" and she will attack me when there's something she doesn't like about it etc. she does this very sarcastic, contemptuous, angry, sad and hyper-critical emotional voice and body movement. She bows her head down, lunges it forward slightly, widens her eyes, and says two-four words, very sarcastically. This kind of behavior, she only uses on these "Claimed" "Loved" people. So, basically, yea, there's a lot of other things too, but I'm just trying to give ya'll a slight example here. And yea, I really fucked up man, REALLY REALLY fucked up. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that now, we have a kid together - in terms of that I mean, I'm going to be here for her. The plan... I just got a second job, I'm going to be working a typical day 630-2, then 3-11:15, anywhere from 3-5 days a week between two jobs. One of them I will have off for 2-3 days consecutively. I will get roughly 30 hours at each job, some times more/less. I'll play it safe, and conservatively that would be 55x7.31 =402, so basically, worst case scenerio, including tax, maybe a short day because one of the jobs is a restaurant and they cut hours when it's slow, etc. then I'll make at least 350$ a week. That pretty much doubles my monthly revenue. Now, working 55 hours between two different jobs, with there being 256 hours in a week, and most of the time working is during lit hours, I am not sure how to fit in a constant schedule with my daughter. But, the days I have off at job two, are night times, and the hiring manager, Darla, says she gives days off consecutively. So, on those nights, I will request to have at least one of those days off with my other job, so then I will have a night, and a day, and possibly that same night off so I have two nights and a day with my daughter a week, as a minimum. Now, that's bear minimum, I still want to be present more than that, and if there was a way I could be with my daughter more, I would, and I'm still going to keep trying to find new ideas, but, basically...this is what I'm starting with. Now, as of now, I'm still living with my "Wife", and she's agreed to give me rides to work until then, and I'm saving up for a vehicle to move out, and I'm currently looking for a room/shared situation and interviewing room mates and trying to find a place where it's okay to have my daughter with me at least two full days and nights a week. This, I think, is actually going to be the toughest part of the deal, like practically, because I don't know full knowledge of these people and im moving in with total strangers, but I still think this is better than being with my wife overall. EVEN FOR MY DAUGHTER! anyhow, and sorry, i am flipping around here - it's just pretty hectic for me right now ; ' ( ...... I made a huge fucking mistake but I'm going to spend my life working to fix it if necessary and will do everything I can for myself and my daughter to keep ourselves healthy and happy at the very best of my ability, no matter what....she's a superstar....my superstar.... I guess now I will have to focus on myself...like obviously I'm going to be tired, very tired some times...so I'll do things and like go out for a massage in between my two jobs for an hour, on the days that I start job 2 at 4pm and get out of job 1 at 1pm.....or something, and relax in the sun with a good book, or just pick up my daughter and go out to the park with her or something....whatever I can do... thoughts, comments, suggestions?
jester7707 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I have much sympathy for you. I'm in a similar situation but I havent been with my son's mother for nearly 2 years now. I'm still faily new to this so I feel I shouldnt provide any advice but I can possibly help with the roomate situation. There are many social sites dedicated to finding a roomate or a place to move into. This is one: "http://www.roomster.com/" I never personally tried it but it looks promissing. It may be a good idea to do a backgroup check before you allow anyone to move in or vice versa.
Stephen C Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It's such a challenging situation, I hope you're giving yourself mega pats on the back for navigating this the best you can. Here are some from me <<Pats>>, pats come with a free <<Hug>>.
Foozle Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Wow so sorry you ended up in this situation. I don't know to the degree it was your fault but I know that no one would ever choose to be in a situation like this. But wow what a tough spot. I don't know if it's just my projection but I get a faint but noticable sense of optimsim from your post. If that's at all the case for you, I'd really try to explore where you feel that originating from. I'm really no expert in the subject in life or parenting, so I don't think I can give any useful suggestions other than to listen and read a bunch of material on parenting and defer to the experts.
Mcattack Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Fuck I'm sorry dude, what a shit situation. Look, we are all born into this world and we have our legs broken - snapped; it's inevitable that the trail we leave behind will be crooked, charged with painful memories. That does not stop us from trying to rebuild them or even build up our arms so we can walk on them! We all fuck up, I landed here off my head on drugs (you can read my first posts,) totally lost in life, getting into street fights and violent encounters with the police. I stuck with conversation here and did some serious heavy lifting and now I walk proudly, have great relationships and so much love in my life. My advice is to leave the shame or guilt at the door, and if it is really strong self-empathise as much as possible all the while investing with all your might in the positive aspects of you character. Build your virtue and you will rebuild your life.
saveyourself1 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Wow so sorry you ended up in this situation. I don't know to the degree it was your fault but I know that no one would ever choose to be in a situation like this. But wow what a tough spot. I don't know if it's just my projection but I get a faint but noticable sense of optimsim from your post. If that's at all the case for you, I'd really try to explore where you feel that originating from. I'm really no expert in the subject in life or parenting, so I don't think I can give any useful suggestions other than to listen and read a bunch of material on parenting and defer to the experts. yes im feeling more and more optimistic the less time i spend with talking to my wife
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