Jose Perez Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 It happened at a public swimming pool's shower room here in Finland. It is a big place with many people around, and at that time also lots of fathers with their kids showering before going into the pool or sauna, all naked. The little one (about 3) seemed to be crying in his father's arms, who was sitting, but the two older siblings (about 5 and 8 y/o) were joking and smiling in a playful way as they stood watching close to the father. I looked at them for a while as I showered, trying to find out what was happening, as I thought maybe the little one was laughing. The boy's crying increased in intensity as he struggled to get away from the father, who was making play out of the forceful way in which he was holding him – probably because he was in public – as well as from the teasing of his brothers. The eldest one had a sadistic expression in his face and was spraying him with the shower head. It was all truly awful, explicit and abusive. My face went red with anger and I just stared at them trying to establish contact, which the siblings noticed and they started looking puzzled. The little one then got off his father's lap and started hitting him, to which the father replied in a soft, contrived voice "you are not allowed to hit me" as he tried to keep him from running away. The father ended up cornering the child, who was visibly afraid and crying harder. At this point I walked up to the father, poked him and told him to stop. He replied that the child would not obey him, and seemed somewhat ashamed; then I said that his child needs help. Getting his attention seemed to impress the children, and the little boy calmed down. I stood there waiting for things to improve. The father seemed ashamed and took the kids back towards the locker room. Later on I found them again in the sauna. They were all calm and the little one was being assertive about his wish to not go swimming, which they seemed to respect. I was surprised by this. The father seemed also ashamed. I really wonder what was going in that family that created that situation... Spanking is banned in Finland, and social disapproval is a very strong force, so perhaps it is not so peculiar to see a father's authority thwarted in public like this. Maybe he wasn't their real father, or maybe children are really becoming more people in some parts of the world. The whole time I felt my anger was rightful and well restrained, and I had no doubts or lack of confidence – which I have felt in past interventions. After they left and the danger had passed I felt like crying and very sad that something like that had to happen. It also felt very cathartic and sparked a good many hours of useful conversations with myself.
masonman Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I did not expect him to feel ashamed, that was rather interesting. Also very brave of you to do this!
Jose Perez Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 yes, interesting response, which is probably related to the child feeling able to hit him... I have never seen children hit their parents but here; I think this is remarkable – which doesn't mean it is healthy, of course.
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