saveyourself1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I apologize in advance for the content in this letter.... it will probably be offensive too many people in some way, I'm sorry for that - however, what matters, is the truth, of course! I..Do not care about my daughter enough. I am actively thinking about making a political, selfish decision to preserve myself from my wife - which excludes my daughter from my life. The story goes like this.... my wife is making up these rules - basically I can only see my daughter in a public place AND she has to be there watching me interact with her. This is highly destructive to me. Usually when she's watching she's highly anxious or critical of me in some subtle and noticeable way. Now, I know "but you're going to put your daughter through that?" - yes, she is already going through that as I type this, without me there (my wife moved out and says its because she's scared of me and doesn't want to see me anywhere unless public and it has to be planned). I don't think this is fair to my daughter, Lilly, at all. She needs a present male role model, one that cares and loves for her - which I do, however, I am also more selfish than caring maybe, I don't know but it's where I'm leaning - which would mean that I probably don't love her like I claim, possibly - again, I don't know, but I"m open to these things. How I would be present..... If my wife and I could have shared custody (she wants full custody) - and be it without her present (using frozen/refridgerated bottled milk + formula) then I would absolutely love for that to happen. Now, she is absolutely against this, so this is where I'm being political..... I'm taking the rug from underneath her feet. Tomorrow I will be gone from this house, and I will not be paying her anything, no money at all. If she wants child support, she will have to negotiate with me - this is the only place I have leverage on her possibly. Her Mom, brother, step-dad are all supporting her. They are all housing her and looking after my daughter for her and interacting with her. All of these people....including the mom (and my wife), have varying degrees of pretty violent behaviors. These are the kinds of people who would probably condone shooting you for you disagreeing with them in a statist discussion. This is absolutely wrong to my BABY GIRL! Me being there for her for 2 hours or something because I'm working two jobs and riding my bike 6-7 miles to each one and have to rest etc. isn't going to help.....much...but obviously, with me being peaceful and a positive influence on her in other ways, those 2 hours could be really good for her. Now, she's still under only a month old, but this all matters already. I'm juggling in my head whether to be there at all for her or not. THis is the analogy I came up with. It's like two people are pushing a wheel chair of a handicapped man who can't speak, can't see and can't understand where he is. One person is pushing from one arm of the wheel chair, while another from the otherside. Now, both of these people decided, willingly, through the effects of their actions, to be pushing this man (we both had unprotected sex for 5 months). Now, the other person pushing the chair is telling me I have to push it with my arms put at a certain angle, and I have to wear a certain shirt, and use a certain lotion on my hands, etc. If I disagree with her, she's taking the wheelchaired person from me. Now, I'm leaving her with the wheelchaired person (my daughter) without giving her money for the wheel chair (money for child support) unless she stops with the rules. Now, I know in and of itself, that is a rule. But it is my right as a parent, a right she has already granted herself (she is without my supervision and with my daughter). So, until it is fair (we can both push the wheelchair with using the same grip and lotion, arm sleeves, etc.) then she will have to buy the wheelchair parts, etc. on her own. She is granting herself superiority, not 50/50 "ownership" of our daughter. This is what I'm going through right now..... Another place..... my daughter is not going to develop as healthy without me in her life. Right now it's just not really possible...and may be more traumatic for her to be travellling so much just to see me for two hours or so, or even for a whole day if I have it off..... I don't know everything all together what is best for her, and in deciding what's best for her, I have to include the political actions to dissuade certain things from happening, I just don't know if this is the right approach or not.. comments, thoughts, suggestions?
Waster Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I am reading your story and i have a feeling you are upset and frustrated. I can understand, but your story comes as emotional and chaotic. You say she needs you, but if you are unstable and emotional, i dont think you can give what your daughter needs either. I think you should also look at the larger picture. What will be the best for you and your daughter in the long run? An endless fight will hurt everyone.
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