Mentally ill and need help

[empyblessing]

I've been involved with psychiatry for 15 years but I get the impression that when Stefan mentions therap he's speaking about something totally different than I am. From my exerpience, cognitive behavorial therapy has been useless or regressive. I've seen dozens of therapists and doctors and have no lasting help or change in my situation. 

I'm desperate. Are there any books I could read?  It just seems like people on this forum seem to know something I don't. 

 

 

[cherapple]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such disappointing experiences with therapists. I too had a lot of less-than-helpful experiences prior to FDR, one of the worst being with CBT. It took FDR to warm me back up to the idea of seeing anyone again after ten years of refusing to put myself through a re-inflicting of the abuse I grew up with (although I couldn't define it that way at the time). Now I have a therapist that I love.

There have been a few podcasts on therapy:

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FreedomainRadioVolume5/~3/DGoD8KSxFoo/FDR_1927_how_to_find_a_great_therapist.mp3

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FreedomainRadioVolume5/~3/NK_SW-5Lxcc/FDR_1716_Sunday_Show_1_Aug_2010.mp3

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FreedomainRadioVolume5/~3/rLaEgqbcDjw/FDR_1575_you_are_not_alone_dr_schwartz_interview.mp3

I think the most important thing about a therapist is not what method they use, but how empathetic they are, and whether they stand on the side of the child and the realities of your childhood history.

I hope these help and let you in on "the secret." ;-)

Cheryl

[ProfessionalTeabagger]

Sorry to hear you're in this desperate situation. Perhaps you might consider calling in the Sunday show.

[Marc Moini]

Hi emptyblessing,

I'm sorry to hear you're desperate, and at the same time I'm glad that you are asking for help, because it tells me that you are still hoping, and that to me shows that you are on the road to achieving the lasting change you want, however many detours this road has been taking for you in the past.

Some of the books I found most helpful for me were those by Nathaniel Branden ( http://nathanielbranden.com ), specifically The Psychology of Self-Esteem and The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (both as audiobook). I don't know what it is that you are looking for help with however, it might be something else than self-esteem.

Also, though it's not therapy as usually understood, I have found Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication to be life-changing for me. I could have been mostly OK with just therapy, and live a relatively satisfying life that would have been I guess similar to what most "well-adjusted" people seem to me to have, but now with NVC I feel I've found what I really needed. Here's a YouTube video introducing NVC: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=The+Basics+of+Non+Violent+Communication

Finally I recommend the Complete Liberty podcast, http://completeliberty.com, especially since episode 126. In episodes 165, 166 and 167, you can hear what went on during group therapy sessions that Nathaniel Branden led, which I find extremely interesting.

Best wishes,

Marc

[empyblessing]

 

My parents got divorced when I was 8 because my mother found out my father was a homosexual. They kept this from me my whole life and I only discovered it on my own. My father was molested as a child and my mother was beaten by my grandfather who was a “war hero” during WWII, who drank himself into unconsciousness every night, and then suicided when my mother was 15. I know almost nothing about my father except what I figured out on my own.

My mother was terrible at spanking me but she did it anyway. She was a christian and all good Christians know that to spare the rod is to spoil the child. God couldn't be wrong, could he? Well that thought never ever crossed my mother's mind.

After the divorce I went and lived with her in a very conservative part of Ohio. We often fought and it would devolve into shouting matches frequently that sometimes ended with me being beaten with a wooden spoon or some other implement. While she would often ignore anything I said if she wasn't in the right mood she didn't ignore me completely. She was very affectionate and enjoyed cuddling and hugging. There was always lots of hugs and kisses with her as well as lots of intimidation. This was only part of the mixed messages I received.

There were no rules in the her house either. I could do pretty much whatever I wanted so long as I didn't anger the irrational, semi-diety like female who repeatedly emphasized her ownership over me. While she often felt the need to exert her control and power, the opposite was also true. As a child I had an advanced development. While the other kids sat at the children's table during the holidays, I sat at the adult table and amazed everyone because I could talk about politics and form complete thoughts when I was four years old. I only point that out because it's significant with the relationship I have with my mother because she was not an intelligent person. She would often come to me for advice, career or relationship advice, when I was nine years old. She often disregarded everything I said but she kept asking anyway. She was also extremely emotional and would cry or become sullen for little reason I could understand. I felt sympathy for her though and often tried to comfort her.

I believe that I project the fear and attachment of my mother onto women. My mother recently admitted that she was “a sick person” while I was growing up, but justifies it by saying she did her best but also admits she was a selfish person.

I believe that through both the physical abuse, the intimidation I felt of her, and her strong displays of affection created a sense of attachment and fear in me that I direct toward other females. Jung might say it's the psyche confusing the anima and the shadow. The anima image being created by my attachment and imprinting onto my mother's form but projecting the energy and actions of the shadow (abuse) onto that image. 

 

My life now is all about staying stable. I have trouble with sleep, mostly keeping to a routine. I'm agoraphobic, rarely leave the house, and don't really talk to anyone. I live with a lot of fear, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. I'm a vulnerable person, not strong. I don't really have many defenses. One of the things Stefan helped me with was realizing that I didn't owe my mother anything. I was under no obligation to her at all. 

It's discouraging to go through all the doctors and therapist I've seen and not had any improvement. It's hard to believe that I'll change for the better.

Thanks for your replies. 

[Marc Moini]

 

with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychological dependent state to a frozen independent state. In this frozen psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young males life she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE off springs to be psychological independent. What have you got? You've got the N-WORD WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE N-WORD MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. ” -Willie Lynch, 1782 british slave owner

 

Hi empyblessing, do I understand correctly from your quote of Willie Lynch (on another thread but I was asked not to post there) and the words you've highlighted that you believe this is what your mother has done to you? That you were raised to be mentally dependent and scared, and that you had the male image in you destroyed? That this is the reason you have these feelings of worthlessness and anxiety, and that as a result your need for connection with others, for warmth and trust and and security and support, as well as your need for spontaneity and independence and freedom, and also your needs for stability and ease and harmony, and for honesty and for joy, all these needs are severely frustrated to the point that sleep has become difficult? I would appreciate if you would correct me where I am guessing wrong, I would like to understand so I can then try to help you as much as I can. I believe you are not mentally ill, and that anyone with the same circumstances as you've lived through would be in pretty much the same mental state. It's not your fault!

Take care,

Marc

[empyblessing]

 

 

 

with the MALE IMAGE DESTROYED, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychological dependent state to a frozen independent state. In this frozen psychological state of independence, she will raise her MALE and female offspring in reversed roles. For FEAR of the young males life she will psychologically train him to be MENTALLY WEAK and DEPENDENT, but PHYSICALLY STRONG. Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her FEMALE off springs to be psychological independent. What have you got? You've got the N-WORD WOMAN OUT FRONT AND THE N-WORD MAN BEHIND AND SCARED. ” -Willie Lynch, 1782 british slave owner

 

Hi empyblessing, do I understand correctly from your quote of Willie Lynch (on another thread but I was asked not to post there) and the words you've highlighted that you believe this is what your mother has done to you? That you were raised to be mentally dependent and scared, and that you had the male image in you destroyed? That this is the reason you have these feelings of worthlessness and anxiety, and that as a result your need for connection with others, for warmth and trust and and security and support, as well as your need for spontaneity and independence and freedom, and also your needs for stability and ease and harmony, and for honesty and for joy, all these needs are severely frustrated to the point that sleep has become difficult? I would appreciate if you would correct me where I am guessing wrong, I would like to understand so I can then try to help you as much as I can. I believe you are not mentally ill, and that anyone with the same circumstances as you've lived through would be in pretty much the same mental state. It's not your fault!

Take care,

Marc

 

 

 

It's a theory but I can't know for sure. Sleep is impossible for me to regulate even with drugs. I've been up all night so I'm not thinking clearly as I should be.