bishal Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 And what can we do as a parent once the child is already tough? Comments very appriciated.. Thaks
cherapple Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 What do you mean by "tough"? Tough as in wanting to hurt people, or tough as in dissociating from hurt, or seeking to be hurt?
bishal Posted January 21, 2013 Author Posted January 21, 2013 Lets say not obeying anything, hitting parents or young ones if angry, being angry often, etc...Just think of a tough kid bullying also..
bishal Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Now I realized that being tough is not how we raise our children but i used to be tough parent... Do you think its already too late to change the child behaviour who is already 6 years old?
ribuck Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Do you think its already too late to change the child behaviour who is already 6 years old? It's not too late to change the adult's behaviour, when the child is 6 years old. The child will change their behaviour in response to the change in adult behaviour.
bishal Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Yeha i totally understand this.. But the childs brain/nerves are developed until the age of 3 after that its only being mature as the childs grow up. Lets say the child has no father for first 3 years and then the father returns... learning tolerance, etc. after 3 years would be difficult coz the brain is already made! So, my child is alredy agressive and his brain is made/connected accoardingly.. What would be the possiblity for good change after something already happens? Am i missing something here..
Stephen C Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Children have to internalize their parents and caregivers. I think it's something that occurs automatically. That's a great thing, it's a fantastic oppurtunity to be someone great for them to internalize. Be someone that they have inside their mind that helps them become more of who they already are.
bishal Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 No one has the close to suggestion..Does anyone knows therapy or neurobiology? I have changed myself but asking i have done wrong for 6 years and the child is now agressive, what can i do..if the child stars hitting me or hitting his sisters or strangers or friends... How do i react? Please suggest without douging
Stephen C Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 No one has the close to suggestion..Does anyone knows therapy or neurobiology? I have changed myself but asking i have done wrong for 6 years and the child is now agressive, what can i do..if the child stars hitting me or hitting his sisters or strangers or friends... How do i react? Please suggest without douging Oh, whoops. I'm sorry about that, Bishal. I didn't mean to dodge. I was not paying close enough attention to the thread. This is a great question you're asking, in my opinion. Thank you for reasserting yourself, that was very helpful. What can be done with and for a child after 6 years of exposure to a certain type of you? I'm thinking about this, but I think the answer is the same. What Cheryl suggested. I very much sympathize with the challenge you have on your hands. I want to give you a show of admiration for bringing this to the forums, obviously this is very important for you, which is wonderful, in my opinion. I will think more about this, if I can think of anything useful I will contribute it to the thread and see if it's of any use. In the meantime I'm sure other people on the boards will contribute their thoughts. Hopefully by the end of this conversation you'll have exactly what you need.
Roberto Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I recommend to listen: http://daynamartin.com/unschooling-blog/my-freedomain-radio-interview-with-stefan-molyneux/ http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_2255_dayna_martin_philosophical_parenting_2.mp3 http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_2268_robin_grille_28_Nov_2012.mp3 Get Dayna Martin's book: http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Unschooling-Revolution-Begun-Revised-Edition/dp/1460939980/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1358975897&sr=8-1&keywords=dayna+martin Read Alfie Kohn: http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1358975955&sr=1-1&keywords=unconditional+parenting I hope this helps you.
Stephen C Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 No one has the close to suggestion..Does anyone knows therapy or neurobiology? I have changed myself but asking i have done wrong for 6 years and the child is now agressive, what can i do..if the child stars hitting me or hitting his sisters or strangers or friends... How do i react? Please suggest without douging Ok, so if the child starts hitting you, sisters, strangers or friends. I'd be interested to hear what he would say. Maybe you can ask him "If someone started to hit and attack you, and I was there, is there anything you would like me to do in that situation?" I'm not saying this is the answer. I'm genuinely curious what he would say.
MattK Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Have you apologised to your child for being "tough"? And, by the way, it's essential to call things by there real name. "Tough" sounds awful euphemistic for something far worst, so, what does it mean?
cherapple Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 No one has the close to suggestion..Does anyone knows therapy or neurobiology? I have changed myself but asking i have done wrong for 6 years and the child is now agressive, what can i do..if the child stars hitting me or hitting his sisters or strangers or friends... How do i react? Please suggest without douging Put yourself in the child's shoes. If you were the child, what would you want you to do? Do that. When you were a child, what did you want your own parents to do, that they didn't? Do that. If you try to relieve your anxiety about the child's behavior—and the way it shows exactly how you've treated him in the past—by changing the child, you will only cause more problems. Changing the child is exactly what you were trying to do by being "tough" with him. Stop using the child to relieve your own anxiety. Let him use you to relieve his. Ask him what he needs. What is he trying to accomplish? What doesn't he like about the situation he's in that he feels anxious enough to hit? Can you find another way together to meet his needs? Change yourself: Be a calm and curious presence for him, so that he may learn to become one for himself.
bishal Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Thanks you all for your suggestion... But i have to research myself more anyway
Stephen C Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Thanks you all for your suggestion... But i have to research myself more anyway You're welcome.
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