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Facebook. The friends list illusion


Rick Horton

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I've been registered to facebook for a few years and at different points I had maybe up to 180 friends. So many people have thousands. People use facebook as a place to share thoughts to people in the hopes that they will get feedback, comments, commradery, exposure, business, and probably a lot of other reasons too. But me, I can't help but see that they define people you add, or subscribe to as friends. In this way, when I post something it always sucks when if I have 180 "friends" I get anywhere from zero to maybe 20 comments. Usually if I have 20 or more comments it's just me and 1 or 2 people going back and forth. So I decided to start deleting everybody who I don't really consider a friend, or family. I'm down to 40 friends, and I'll go further for sure. I really want it to be that when I post something, my friends will show interest because that is what real friends do. How do you guys feel about this?  Anyhow, I'll also extend an invitation for anybody who thinks they would have an interest in my posts to friend me. I try to be a real friend and show interest. It's hard to when the people you afford attention to don't afford you the same kind of attention.  Anyhow, here is my facebook link.

http://www.facebook.com/rick.horton.714

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I can totally relate to this. I actually JUST rejoined Facebook after being off it for over two years.

For me, the process was a bit of the opposite - as I got into philosophy and liberty, I found myself censoring so that people on my friends list wouldn't see and get offended. I slowly started deleting and deleting and eventually had no one left other than who I saw in person anyway. Other circumstances led to the deleting and I'm very grateful to have had a break from it.

I think FB can be a valuable resource and connect like minded people - which is how I hope to use it this time around - but I don't believe that is its primary purpose or what most people use it for. In my experience, people use it more to pad their egos and fill unmet needs of popularity rather than as an idea sharing source. 

 

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My best facebook friends (the ones I have interesting conversations with) are just about all people I've never met but we were referred online to having consistent ideas.

This said, I like to see the lifetime of accrued contacts (high school friends, college friends, old work collegues, some family) chat about what they had for breakfast, what their kids are doing and such.

I stopped, mostly posting or responding to worldview (politics) type stuff as few people, especially my very liberal friends, are humble or curious. They mostly want to insult and shut conversations down.  

Actually, all of the humble and curious people got bullied out a couple years ago it seems.

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I don't care for Facebook anymore.  I've been a member since 2007, I deactivated my account and I was not on it through most of 2008 and then I started a new account in 2009.  I deactivated that account in 2010 and then I re-activated my first account in 2011.  As of September 2012, I do not want to log in at all (for the time being).  I'm not even going to bother deactivating my account again or bother making a new account.  I'm unsure if I will log in ever again.

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I've been registered to facebook for a few years and at different points I had maybe up to 180 friends. So many people have thousands. People use facebook as a place to share thoughts to people in the hopes that they will get feedback, comments, commradery, exposure, business, and probably a lot of other reasons too. But me, I can't help but see that they define people you add, or subscribe to as friends. In this way, when I post something it always sucks when if I have 180 "friends" I get anywhere from zero to maybe 20 comments. Usually if I have 20 or more comments it's just me and 1 or 2 people going back and forth. So I decided to start deleting everybody who I don't really consider a friend, or family. I'm down to 40 friends, and I'll go further for sure. I really want it to be that when I post something, my friends will show interest because that is what real friends do. How do you guys feel about this?  Anyhow, I'll also extend an invitation for anybody who thinks they would have an interest in my posts to friend me. I try to be a real friend and show interest. It's hard to when the people you afford attention to don't afford you the same kind of attention.  Anyhow, here is my facebook link.

http://www.facebook.com/rick.horton.714

 

I use FB for multiple purposes mainly keeping track of distant family and friends, networking on various social issues in associated groups and interjecting into public discussions where I hope to sow the seeds of what I see as important truth.  I don't add everyone I interact with to my friends list so it remains limited but not particularly exclusive.  I'm not trying to reach the world and I don't expect to change any minds but if you're on my friends list, you may be exposed to ideas that you might find uncomfortable.

 

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Moncaloono, friend request sent.

My facebook friends list is void of like-minded connections.  I've hid the posts of most "friends" for my emotional health.  It's always a treat when one of my connections brings up something like the minimum wage or gun control, then I let my freak flag fly.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I did the same a few months ago. I made a point of mercilessly eliminating everyone I wouldn't consider a good friend or at least an acquaintance whose values jive with mine. I knocked off all the idiots I went to high-school with, all of the fake internet friends who added me just because we're both anarchists/atheists (a few FDRers have tried to add me, please don't take it personally, I'm just trying to stay grounded in reality), the young single parents that are obviously raising their kids in bad environments, etc. and made a point of removing myself from all the pages where I'm constantly getting into pointless arguments with trolls. So my friends list plummetted from about 200 to not even cracking 35 (only 20 that live in the immediate area). When I saw this my anxiety went through the roof. I have no friends! Some people have over 1000! I'm a freak!

Since then, however - and I'm not discounting that it could just be a coincidence - my real life social life has become the best it's ever been. I'm actually going out, getting sunlight, building stronger relationships with the coworkers and acquaintences that I knew I liked, but never knew how to really "break the ice" with in terms of crafting a real friendship. I'm actually making use of those 20 or so people, instead of just occasional idle chatter over the net. As a result, my fear of being a loner and not having friends has dissipated a lot. And more than that, I'm finding I actually have a "family" now, I have people I can depend on to help out if my car breaks down or what have you. Who needs 1000 superficial acquaintances when you can have 10-20 strong friendships?

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I did the same a few months ago. I made a point of mercilessly eliminating everyone I wouldn't consider a good friend or at least an acquaintance whose values jive with mine. I knocked off all the idiots I went to high-school with, all of the fake internet friends who added me just because we're both anarchists/atheists (a few FDRers have tried to add me, please don't take it personally, I'm just trying to stay grounded in reality), the young single parents that are obviously raising their kids in bad environments, etc. and made a point of removing myself from all the pages where I'm constantly getting into pointless arguments with trolls. So my friends list plummetted from about 200 to not even cracking 35 (only 20 that live in the immediate area). When I saw this my anxiety went through the roof. I have no friends! Some people have over 1000! I'm a freak!

Since then, however - and I'm not discounting that it could just be a coincidence - my real life social life has become the best it's ever been. I'm actually going out, getting sunlight, building stronger relationships with the coworkers and acquaintences that I knew I liked, but never knew how to really "break the ice" with in terms of crafting a real friendship. I'm actually making use of those 20 or so people, instead of just occasional idle chatter over the net. As a result, my fear of being a loner and not having friends has dissipated a lot. And more than that, I'm finding I actually have a "family" now, I have people I can depend on to help out if my car breaks down or what have you. Who needs 1000 superficial acquaintances when you can have 10-20 strong friendships?

 

That's awesome. :)

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