wispaintstyle Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Both in general, but after 2344 with Paul Elam specifically. All of the recent podcasts on men's rights have really hit home. My only income since graduating high school has been delivering pizzas and the military (which i wasn't in for long). I've only had one serious relationship, which devoured the last 6 years of my life. I feel an immense drive to pair off with a woman and have a child, but it's one of the most dangerous things I could consider. I'm torn apart, and at a horrible time being that I'm graduating college in May. I feel like I have a hunger, but I can't tell food from poison. I don't know what I need exactly, a pep talk, an important part of the evidence I'm missing.... Thanks for reading my ramblings I guess.
darknova Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 I'm curious, what do you feel is dangerous about pairing off with a woman and having children?
wispaintstyle Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 I think I've seen one too many divorces or single parents
TruthahnDerRuin Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Have you only been feeling this way recently or has it been for a while? I wonder if it could be related to graduating.
darknova Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Divorces and single parents are disturbingly common these days. What's the history of your parents' relationship, if you don't mind me asking? I'm also curious about why seeing divorces and single parents might lead you to think it's dangerous for you to start a family? Is it a fear that you'll make a wrong decision about what woman you get involved with? That's what comes to my mind when you say you have a hunger but can't discern the food from the poison. Let me know if that's accurate at all.
wispaintstyle Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Answering in no particular order. Predictibly, my parents divorced when I was 8. Only one of my friends' parents are still married. He's also the wealthiest in my social group, I see a correlation there. Yes, picking the wrong woman is a huge fear for me. I watched mom ruin dad. and then I saw his second wife do it again. So to answer truthahnderruin, I've felt like this for awhile. I was charged up by an old episode called "masculine mastery". It's one of Stef's best, IMHO. I've been listening to the new episodes regarding masculinity multiple times and I've been noticing a sense of despair starting in late '12.
darknova Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 It sounds like you've never had any well-modeled loving relationships in your life, and that's a serious tragedy. Would you mind elaborating more on just what these relationships you witnessed were like? What was the disfunction in your dad's relationships with your mother and his second wife that destroyed him? Also, you mention at the beginning of the thread that you've had one serious relationship, the one that lasted 6 years. Could you flesh that one out a bit, too? How did it develop? What kinds of things lead to the relationship falling apart?
Rick Horton Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with your concerns. Marriage and relationships are institutions like all others. It seems right to me that you are using your interpretation of what you experience to guide you to your conclusions. Marriage is an agreement between two people. Why did it come about? Hmm.... I don't know, and it can only be guessed that it provides some shelter somehow. But that doesn't mean anything really, if that shelter doesn't seem safe to you. If you keep seeing people run into paper castles to escape tornadoes then why question yourself when you say, OH NO. Not me. I think I'll head toward that brick castle called independence, where at least I have a solid idea of where I'll stand after the storm. You can NEVER completely trust another subject in your reality. You can have a certain amount of trust based on that subjects reputation in your experience, but even that, you can't control. Marriage comes down to faith. Do you want to live your life and seek stability, happiness, and truth, based on faith, or consistency and reason, based on your experience of reality? That is the most honest question. The question will piss people off, and they will say it's heartless, or cowardly, but really it has no different conotation than saying you don't believe in Jesus....
Mister Mister Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 I think the only legitimate function marriage serves, when you tear down all the constructs, is that it is a contract whereby people agree, if they have kids, they will stick around until the kids are independent. If you don't intend to have kids, but still want a monogamous relationship, as I think most people do, that's great, but there isn't so much pressure to stick together, except from people outside the relationship, whose opinion shouldn't matter. That is an incredibly valid, potentially beautiful, yet very serious and scary arrangement. People often get into this situation without having a clear understanding of what it is they want, and what values they have and would want to pass on to their children. If you are confused, it might mean that you need to work some of these things out, and develop social skills that really can suffer in our society.
TruthahnDerRuin Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Marriage is not faith based. Faith is believing something without evidence or in spite of the evidence. If I were married I would not have to take it on faith that I am married. I would be able to use the evidence of the relationship to decide if the marriage would be as sturdy as a paper castle. Having some amount of uncertainty does not mean I have to have faith.
Rick Horton Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Marriage is not faith based. Faith is believing something without evidence or in spite of the evidence. If I were married I would not have to take it on faith that I am married. I would be able to use the evidence of the relationship to decide if the marriage would be as sturdy as a paper castle. Having some amount of uncertainty does not mean I have to have faith. It's not faith that you are married. It's faith that you will be glad you're married, or that your spouse will stay glad, or that you will always be married.
Rick Horton Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Marriage is not faith based. Faith is believing something without evidence or in spite of the evidence. If I were married I would not have to take it on faith that I am married. I would be able to use the evidence of the relationship to decide if the marriage would be as sturdy as a paper castle. Having some amount of uncertainty does not mean I have to have faith. And marriage is faith based.
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