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mike durland

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I’m overweight. I have lost 30lbs since my self-knowledgejourney began but I am still struggling.

Stef’s recent video on the false-self really opened my eyesa little more. I think I understand but I would love some clarification.

Could overeating be a form of self-medication to suppressthe emotional pain from suppressing the true self? Could excess body fat be aphysical manifestation of emotional scar tissue in this case? 

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How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about yourself? In what situations do you overeat, when do you crave certain foods, and what kinds? Do you eat for emotional reasons, or when you're not physically hungry? How is your relationship with yourself? Do you like yourself? What is your history with food? How did your parents treat food when you were a child?

You say you've lost weight, but you're still struggling. What do your struggles look like, if you want to share them? 

Your post brings up an "avalanche" of questions for me, but you're the best one to answer the questions you ask. Looking at your physical self with sympathy, gentleness, and curiosity—and how it connects with your emotional and mental self, past and present—is a great (and sometimes painful) trailhead toward self-knowledge. Congratulations on starting to walk it.

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Anakin Skywalker = True Self
Darth Vader = False Self
?

 

The true self, false self is really non varifiable. It's just another made up concept. There is the conscious and the subconscious. The subconscious acts without analysis from the conscious, but the conscious can reason its way into the subconscious to work out malfunctions. I "guess" he's kind of just taking that concept and renaming it and repackaging it as something new. 

    Being overweight can be a sign of insecurity, self hate, laziness, bad health, slow metabolism, genetics, diet, and many other things. 

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I had a friend who used to run a raw food/fasting retreat in Boston. He used to help 300 pound guys lose weight with a 100% raw food diet.These men where full time eaters, waking at 5am and eating through to midnight, emptying a full fridge of fruit and veg daily. On raw food they still lost weight because the food energy available is lower per pound of food. So you can have a full belly with raw food and still not be having excess calories.

I don't dispute the psychological influence, but eating the right foods has a huge impact on weight management.

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Thanks for your post, this is a topic near and dear to me (as you can see if you search my posts about food)

The most succinct way I can describe overeating is that it is a symptom, it is not in and of itself the problem, rather it is the manifestation of unprocessed traumas that need to be resolved for the self-destructive behaviors to cease. What those traumas are is unique to the individual, although in the cases of extreme obesity there is a very high incidence of childhood sexual molestation so that is a very lucrative place to start.

Dave

 

 

 

I’m overweight. I have lost 30lbs since my self-knowledge
journey began but I am still struggling.

Stef’s recent video on the false-self really opened my eyes
a little more. I think I understand but I would love some clarification.

Could overeating be a form of self-medication to suppress
the emotional pain from suppressing the true self? Could excess body fat be a
physical manifestation of emotional scar tissue in this case? 

 

 

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How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about yourself? In what situations do you overeat, when do you crave certain foods, and what kinds? Do you eat for emotional reasons, or when you're not physically hungry? How is your relationship with yourself? Do you like yourself? What is your history with food? How did your parents treat food when you were a child?

You say you've lost weight, but you're still struggling. What do your struggles look like, if you want to share them? 

Your post brings up an "avalanche" of questions for me, but you're the best one to answer the questions you ask. Looking at your physical self with sympathy, gentleness, and curiosity—and how it connects with your emotional and mental self, past and present—is a great (and sometimes painful) trailhead toward self-knowledge. Congratulations on starting to walk it.

 


How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about
yourself?

For the most part I feel pretty good unless I look in the
mirror or see a picture or video if myself then I have negative feelings… kinda
like my internal perception of myself is better than what I actually am. I feel
like I look better than I actually do. I feel like I sound better than I
actually do. I feel like I am smarter than I actually am… and so on.  

In what situations do you overeat, when do you crave certain
foods, and what kinds?

With the help of my son I have cut out all high-fructose
corn syrup out of my diet. I try to eat as much fruits and vegatables as
possible and eat less processed foods.

Do you eat for emotional reasons, or when you're not
physically hungry?
Yes, I’ll eat when I don’t feel comfortable or when I am
stressed.

How is your relationship with yourself? Still working on
that.

Do you like yourself? Yes, Too much it seems.

What is your history with food? 37+ years of nutritional
ignorance.

How did your parents treat food when you were a child? It
was no structure or real understanding of nutrition but my mom would go on “diets”
from time to time… it was also a little ‘feast or famine’ at times.

 

You say you've lost weight, but you're still struggling.
What do your struggles look like, if you want to share them?
Most of my stress
in the past 5 years or so has been financial and I have continued the ‘feast or
famine’ lifestyle carried over from my parents. So when I have no money or I am
stressed to the point of mental gridlock then I will tend to overeat if there
is food available.

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First of all, congratulations. 30 pounds down is no small feat. 

I agree with the earlier statement about false self being non-verifiable. It seems like more of a mental trick/tool to help with willpower, like associating a number five pounds above your current weight with cake. 

From my experiences with overeating (both my own and of others), it definitely seems to be a mechanism to avoid thinking about or doing something else. For some it's a trauma, others a conflict with loved ones, etc. Were there any major events in your past that hurt you? Once things like that are resolved (if that is the case for you), there's nothing to avoid, so less reason to keep eating. 

As far as diet, I cannot recommend atkins/primal too highly. Of course, I'm by no means an expert; it's just what works for me. If you want to look into it, marksdailyapple (blog), rawfoodsos (blog), Wheat Belly (book), and forum.lowcarber.org (forum) are helpful. 

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A few things came to mind reading your post. I'm not an expert in health/nutrition, so take this with a grain of salt, but it is what I have gleaned over the years.

The more overweight you are, the easier it is to lose weight (there is that saying about how the last 10 pounds is the hardest to lose). So keep that in mind, and don't think you must be doing something wrong if the pounds aren't dropping as rapidly as they were at first. Weight isn't really even a good way to measure your success. Ideally, as you are losing fat, you are gaining muscle. Muscle burns fat, so it is great to have around, but it is also heavier than fat. Scales can therefore be misleading. I personally haven't owned a scale for years.

Related to the above point, what kind of exercise do you do? I think that trying to lose weight by controlling your diet alone is a recipe for failure, because the all-important exercise component is missing. Not only will exercise help you burn calories and gain fat-burning muscle, it will help with stress-management (one of your triggers for overeating). Weight training would be great if you can manage it, but the most important thing is to find an activity you enjoy, that gets your body moving and your heart rate up for about an hour a day. Long walk? Ball hockey? Jump rope? Swimming? Biking? Trail running? The list goes on forever, and you don't ever have to see the inside of a gym, if you're not into gyms.

If you're anything like me, the physical mechanics of eating can be comforting (repetitive chewing, swallowing, the hand-to-mouth action, feeling of food in belly, etc). You have been training your brain for years and years to enjoy this (literally, building neural paths that react favorably in response to doing it). The desire to binge-eat is not going to go away overnight, if ever. It may come around less frequently, but it will still be there, so I suggest picking a plan of action for when it does come around. Maybe you can satisfy the urge by binging on celery and humus, for example. If so, keep some of those handy in the fridge!

Good luck!

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First of all, congratulations. 30 pounds down is no small feat. 

I agree with the earlier statement about false self being non-verifiable. It seems like more of a mental trick/tool to help with willpower, like associating a number five pounds above your current weight with cake. 

From my experiences with overeating (both my own and of others), it definitely seems to be a mechanism to avoid thinking about or doing something else. For some it's a trauma, others a conflict with loved ones, etc. Were there any major events in your past that hurt you? Once things like that are resolved (if that is the case for you), there's nothing to avoid, so less reason to keep eating. 

As far as diet, I cannot recommend atkins/primal too highly. Of course, I'm by no means an expert; it's just what works for me. If you want to look into it, marksdailyapple (blog), rawfoodsos (blog), Wheat Belly (book), and forum.lowcarber.org (forum) are helpful. 

 

Were there any major events in your past that hurt you?

The more I de-normalize my past (and present) I come to realize that I have been a victim of some serious mental abuse by just about everyone around me (I must attract abusers) for my entire life. 99% of that has changed within the past year and a half. As of now me and my son are in a social bubble of our own. One of our goals is to save up enough money to move to the Blue Ridge Liberty Project in Ashville NC.

 

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  Yes the Bomb in the Brain series, especially part 2 goes into this.  What kind of emotional trauma do you think brought on your overeating?  How do you feel when you get the urge to eat?  What do you feel if you don't eat?

 


What kind of emotional trauma do you think brought on your
overeating?

A lifetime of mental abuse from the closest people in my
life.

 How do you feel when
you get the urge to eat? 

I suppress a lot of feelings, so I am still working on that.

What do you feel if you don't eat?

It’s weird, because sometimes I feel really good when I do not
eat. I don’t know.

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A few things came to mind reading your post. I'm not an expert in health/nutrition, so take this with a grain of salt, but it is what I have gleaned over the years.

The more overweight you are, the easier it is to lose weight (there is that saying about how the last 10 pounds is the hardest to lose). So keep that in mind, and don't think you must be doing something wrong if the pounds aren't dropping as rapidly as they were at first. Weight isn't really even a good way to measure your success. Ideally, as you are losing fat, you are gaining muscle. Muscle burns fat, so it is great to have around, but it is also heavier than fat. Scales can therefore be misleading. I personally haven't owned a scale for years.

Related to the above point, what kind of exercise do you do? I think that trying to lose weight by controlling your diet alone is a recipe for failure, because the all-important exercise component is missing. Not only will exercise help you burn calories and gain fat-burning muscle, it will help with stress-management (one of your triggers for overeating). Weight training would be great if you can manage it, but the most important thing is to find an activity you enjoy, that gets your body moving and your heart rate up for about an hour a day. Long walk? Ball hockey? Jump rope? Swimming? Biking? Trail running? The list goes on forever, and you don't ever have to see the inside of a gym, if you're not into gyms.

If you're anything like me, the physical mechanics of eating can be comforting (repetitive chewing, swallowing, the hand-to-mouth action, feeling of food in belly, etc). You have been training your brain for years and years to enjoy this (literally, building neural paths that react favorably in response to doing it). The desire to binge-eat is not going to go away overnight, if ever. It may come around less frequently, but it will still be there, so I suggest picking a plan of action for when it does come around. Maybe you can satisfy the urge by binging on celery and humus, for example. If so, keep some of those handy in the fridge!

Good luck!

 


I exercise a fair amount I think. I work at a sawmill
several days a week lifting heavy boards and moving logs all day. I also like
photography so every chance I get I will go somewhere and walk for miles taking
pics of just about everything. My son likes hiking and backpacking so we try to
do that as we can afford it. I hate sitting for too long, I like to do stuff.

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