How do you recover from acknowledging the wrong you've done?

[MysterionMuffles]

Part of the reason why I'm on the path of self knowledge now is because I've wronged people a many back in my unconscious days. Days where all I could care about was my own selfish gains and so acted out in counterproductive and highly negative interactions. I'm only caring, compassionate, and empathetic NOW because there was a giant lack of those virtues in my past.

I still feel guilt to this day for the way I've wronged a few people, and I feel like there's some amount of evil in my being. Am I redeemed through the repetition of positive actions now, or is that a subjective thing within my self? Like an either I forgive my self or I don't?

[cherapple]

The way to self-forgiveness is think about and understand *why* you did wrong, and have compassion for your past self.

"Selfishness" is a good thing. It's what finally allows you to care for others. Once you really know how to care for yourself and allow yourself to have preferences, then you are able to allow the same for others. To be selfish in the bad sense means that you don't really believe you deserve to have what you want, and so you think you have to take it at others' expense.

I sympathise with your struggle to forgive yourself for past wrongs. It is possible (at least, I'm banking on it) to build a better relationship with yourself, with consistent commitment, and positive act by positive act.

 

[Guest darkskyabove]

You are far, far from alone.

I, too, carry a burden of guilt for the wrongs which I cannot atone.

What I have done, somewhat, is to translate this into motivation to be a better human.

Living in the past is redundant, living in the future is impossible, living in the now is hard enough.

I'll end with the words to a, hopefully, applicable song. One look at my "updated" avatar, and you'll know I'm going to break out in song. Basically, as I think you, and I, already know: there are no easy answers.

Who Decides

And so we meet again, the dirt on our feet but then
Who knows who really decides?
In this spacial oddity, this viral commodity
The astronaut listens to voices that call
Won't you follow me down?
Breathe, as you suffer with existence

Rags and ruin of all that was human
Leeching the force of collective design
Heroes and rapists they all have nice faces
But who decides, who defines, who draws the lines?

In this wasted miracle, the outcome so terminal
Why do we waste time on hope?
In perfect execution, liquid and lucid
Born in the astronaut's eyes
Of hate, loathing, wonder, and fear
Breathe, as you suffer in denial

The lover and the blind man they sing their song
The pleasured and the pained pray their sins are gone
They can't reach heaven, the truth's brutal lesson
Forgive yourself, for no one else will die for your crimes
But who decides, who decides?

- Nevermore, "Who Decides", from Enemies Of Reality, 2003