lerrant Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 post deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherapple Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 One way to clear the fog is to pretend you are deaf to words and you can only hear actions. Your father is not asking open-ended questions and trying to find out more about you. For example, "I'm sorry. I'd like to hear about what you need from me. Is there anything I can do to make things better?" He isn't asking you what you honestly think and feel about him. He doesn't want honesty. He is creating the fog that you're feeling by telling you what he *wants* you to think and feel about him, regardless of his actions, and trying to get you to self-attack for not making things better *for him.* I'm sorry that you're experiencing these things from your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jose Perez Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I recently listened to FDR 692 "Mommy's Letter", which I relistened to today. I can see that the moral he is subtly implying is something like, "When someone hurts you or contributes to your unhappiness, but then apologizes, it is good to forgive them. Good people forgive those who have hurt them but apologized for it. If you don't forgive me after I apologized for hurting you, you're a bad person." I'm trying to reverse this and universalize it, but I'm getting the "retarded around family" thing. That would be: if you are hurting them by getting away from them then surely they should forgive you and be "good" people too, which does not seem to be the case. It is not apology alone that is needed, but restitution. Our feelings or unconsious knows more than what is expressed at the level of words – it knows actions. Good people don't feel they "should" apologise or even provide restitution, but feel that they cannot live with the knowledge that they have hurt someone so deeply and fundamentally, and so act to compensate in the best way possible. This is something that you will undoubtedly feel – not just process intellectually – if it is done from the right place. I think you realise that, given how you have managed to stick to honesty and just report on your feelings. I am really sorry it has to be like this for you. How do you feel otherwise? Any relief? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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