Do I Unconsciously Remain Fat Due to Religious Insecurity Regarding Sex?

[Rusty Shackleford]

I just watched Stef's "Obesity as a Shield" video on YouTube. In this video, he speaks about how a caller's obesity may unconsciously be caused by his desire to avoid sexual situations and all temptation of marrying or procreating, because he wishes to avoid repeating his parents' dysfunctional marriage and his own bad childhood. This video struck a cord with me. I paused it, and immediately grabbed a notebook and pen to write down what had suddely come to mind about my own life, whether it's actually true or not. This is kinda hard for me to type, but I'd like to get it out there and get some feedback on it.

 

Just like Stef's caller, I'm also overweight (and I'm sure obese by now). As long as I can remember, I've been aware that I am and was fat, even in third grade or earlier. I'm not sure where my knowledge of my own (presumed) girth came from, but It's always been there, from what I recall. Of course, now I look back at pictures of myself at various ages, even just a few years ago, and now think that I was crazy to be so self-conscious, because I appeared to be pretty much normal. But in the past few years (I'm in my mid-twenties now), I've put on more weight and am now heavier than I've ever been. I'm 5'6", and probably 255 lbs. As Stef related the caller's obesity to his parents' dysfunctional marriage, I can't help but wonder if confusion and insecurity about my own religious beliefs are the source of my recent extreme weight gain.

 

I was raised in a Southern Chrisitan household. While I have come from being very conservative to being very liberty-oriented (which is why I watch Stef's videos), I don't see any substantial conflict between my faith and my belief that no men should rule over others. Just wanted to get that out of the way, as this is from what I've seen both a very atheistic and libertarian forum. But back to the point, I'm thinking that I unconsciously gain and maintain my weight as a way to avoid confronting inconsistencies or ignorance regarding Chrisitanity--namely, sexuality. Could it be that I eat unhealthy foods, all foods in excess, and avoid exercise all in an attempt to remain unattractive to women so that I don't have to decide what actions are right and wrong? I'm about to graduate from college, and haven't had a girlfriend during my entire college life, which is pretty unusual, from what I understand. From my upbringing and socialization (hearing my parents talk about others, hearing our preacher talk about sexual morality, etc.), I've been taught that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and I guess I still believe that. But I can't help to think is "first base" wrong? "Second"? "Third"? What purpose does dating or having a girlfriend serve, if any kind of physical relationship is immoral? I'm sorry for the long post, but I just realized how tangled up my thoughts are on this...

 

Can any Christians, or anyone at all, give me some insight into this, or what I should do to find the answers?

[Magnus]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm sure Stef's videos and other resources are far more likely to help you sort out your ideas than I can, but if there is one aspect of improving your mental well-being that I could help with, it would be fitness -- don't fall into the trap of assuming that you need to change your thoughts first, and that doing so is what will allow you to pursue better nutrition and exercise. The mind can't live without the body. 

Your brain is made of meat. It is not an abstraction. It is physical, and is therefore directly affected in its operation by the millions of proteins floating through your bloodstream, which are in turn affected by the demands of your trillions of cells. You can't alter that system merely by changing your thinking. 

If you also start your road to self improvement by beginning with the physical stuff -- nutrition and exercise -- then your thoughts will follow. Your mood will improve, your thinking will be clearer, your confidence and optimism will improve, etc. 

Don't get me wrong -- philosophy is timately where it's at. But consider the idea that some of your ideas (especially negative ideas about yourself) might be (in part) the product of your physical state -- hormones and metabolism and micronutrients -- and therefore those ideas won't be easily changed until you first change your physical health. 

This is especially true for men, since our mental health depends directly on our bodies' use and production of testosterone. But it's inhibited by excessive weight, inactivity and sugar intake. I've been there. 

Going from being sedentary to even a little regular exercise would probably make a huge difference for you. Walking briskly for 15 minutes.

Take a look at your diet -- what is the worst part of it? Sugar? Large meals or grazing all day? Processed foods and lack of vitamins? Don't try to change it all overnight. Just pick the one thing you can improve, and start there. 

What about sleep? Any bad habits there? 

What about substance abuse -- alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, or other drugs?

If you can pick only one thing in each of these 4 areas (nutrition, exercise, sleep and toxins), and improve those 4 small things, I guarantee that your mental and emotional state will start to improve, too.

[TruthahnDerRuin]

 

Can any Christians, or anyone at all, give me some insight into this, or what I should do to find the answers?

 

I think you should keep journaling, because the answer is going to come from you. But you could also try a type of meditation. Find a comfortable position and then focus on feeling as much of your body as you can. Start with your feet, try to feel every toe. Then start moving up your body and take as much time as you need. I think that this may unlock the answers you are looking for.

[Maritain]

I was actually in your situation a few years ago.  Looking through a Christian lense, being obsese is just as repulsive as sex outside of marriage, so it's a matter of chosing the lesser of two evils (both of which aren't evil from a rational perspective).  Christianity is fundentmentally a religion that is designed for familes and close knit groups, not loners.  It's better to connect with other people than being alone, even if it means the occasional sex outside of marriage.  

 

As for weight loss, I've done the vegan and paleo thing.  Both work if done in the context of heavy cardio and weights.  Though I find that a low fat high carb diet gives me acne.  Paleo works, keeps the skin clear, but it's fucking expensive.  But weight loss is the easy part.  The hard part being devloping your game with women, which could take years to correct if you haven't had socialization.  Any asshole can workout for 6 months and look shredded.  It's no big deal.   

[TheRobin]

Have you watched Stef's "Intro to Philosophy" series yet? (Or the Atheism podcasts?)While I can't know how exactly your religion comes into play with your obesity, from the sound of it, Christianity sure seemed to play a huge role in your life in general and I'd say any real understanding of how you got where you are now would need to include getting a better understanding of what religion truly is, what it did to you and how it works.And of course of your parents who inflicted that on you.Anyway, I'm truly sorry, that you are where you are right now and I wish you the best of success in working your way through that.  

[wdiaz03]

..But weight loss is the easy part.  The hard part being devloping your game with women, which could take years to correct if you haven't had socialization.  Any asshole can workout for 6 months and look shredded.  It's no big deal.   

 

Also Keeping it off. I've seem plenty of people that can stick to a diet for a while to later gain it all back. The OP needs to be on the right mental state to stay fit for life. Its a lifestyle. It you want to get somewhere you need speed and direction, Diets are "speed" some faster than others some with positive then negative speeds....some only speed up for a while to later grind to a halting stop. The mental state is the  "direction" With the right direction you can experiment with the different speeds that will eventually get you where you want to go.

 

I remember that podcast and the caller was in a liquid diet. That to me is unsustainable, but that was not what the call was about, he was looking for direction. From personal experience paleo (carb councious) diets have work the best for me and I feel like I can eat this way for the rest of my life.

 

Best of luck to the OP.

[Libertus]

I don't know - how often do you lift weights?

[Hannibal]

Ok... this isn't what you're asking for, but it's what I'd say about you behind your back, so it's what I think is the truth:

 

If you suspect that you're doing this to avoid the difficulties that come with being a christian, then I would say that you really need to abandon your faith. How can you think clearly and rationalise this thing out when your very moral fibre is based on lies, superstition, and a desire to pass off self-responsibility (primarily responsibility for thinking for yourself)?  

 

If you embrace truth, and make reason your guiding light through life, answering these kinds of question will be so much easier, assuming that they would even need to be answered in the first place!    You're trying to resolve some kind of internal struggle - to resolve a contradiction where you believe that sex before marriage, for example, is wrong but you can't explain why, other than an invisible man in the sky said so. Your body, and your mind and it's experience with life is tugging at you and telling you that it doesn't make sense, yet you must cling onto the idea because you;re emotionally invested in it.

 

A mind free from contradictions is just that - free. No one can enslave your mind other than yourself. Free your mind and you'll find that self-pride that comes with it, and a man who is proud of himself doesn't destroy his own body.