New podcasts, emotions, animals, Anthony Robbins, Stefan interpreting a dream of a listener in my dream, and more.

[Pepin]

This is a dream I just had and I am quite interested in feedback because it seems important. I am the type of person who gets dreams that seem to go on forever and ever. Also to note, I have lately been more and more lucid in my dreams, in that I am often able to think in my dream. I have actually had a few dreams as of late where I begin interpreting the dream, while I am dreaming it. Anyway, here is the dream. 

I was outside somewhere and I came across a whole ton of new FDR podcasts on my MP3 player. As I went through them, I was amazed at the quality as they have seemed to increase quite a lot. I felt lucky to have come across such a treasure trove of material that I had not been aware of previously.

 

The dream jumps scene, and outside at the on the back porch listening to the podcasts, and my dog and cat were out there. My cat lay perched on railing and my dog on the floor. The more and more I listened, the more and more I went into a meditative trance. Really, it felt like I was high for the first time, and also similar to what was happening during my breakdown a month ago with the different parts of my brain feeling active, good, and pulsating. I was also becoming more aware of my emotional state, which I found to be good, but also kind of like an overwhelming power. Then I come back to reality, kind of like I had got lost in thought,  and it seemed as though a decent amount of time had passed in the blink of an eye. There is a fox on the table in front of me, and it is quite relaxed, and I can see that it is looking at me though its eyes are mostly closed. I am quite surprised that the fox is not going after the cat. I wanted to pat it, but felt as though any sudden moves would scare it away. It was so calm and seemed to relax by the sight of me relaxing.I then see the shadow of another animal to the right of my cat, also perched up on the porch. The cat was this way <---- and the other animal was facing this was ---->. It also seemed to have come out of nowhere like the fox because it liked seeing me relaxed. I didn't want to approach it because I kind of knew that all I was supposed to see of this creature was its shadow, like that is all it wanted me to see.

I decide that it is getting late and I ought to head in. I am now not listening to the podcast at this point in the dream. It is rather difficult to navigate, similar to how it was the first couple of times I got high, and my limbs felt quite sensitive. It was more of a feeling around approach as opposed to how I operate in real life, which is more impulsive habit. I am sure to let the cat in because I wouldn't want to leave it out there with the fox. Surprisingly, she follows me in. [Though my dog was out there as well, there is no sense in the dream that he is still out there].I walk around my house, slightly wishing the feeling in my head would diminish at least to the point where I could navigate normally, but I think, "I'll just get used to it, it is for the best". [For some reason in the dream I never thought to turn a light on instead of feeling my way around]

The dream jumps scene to a cafeteria with a stage, similar to the setup at the middle school I used to go to, though a good a decent bit wider and a little more run down. I feel as though I am at a church, or at a school that is having a church event. There is an entire group of mostly elderly people and the sick watching the stage. Most are sitting, but some are standing. Anthony Robbins is up on stage, doing a demonstration for his new show that is about gaining confidence and living a new life. There are seven people up on the stage, four on their knees and facing my way, and the other three on their knees and facing behind, with their butts towards the audience. The people on stage seemed to be ordinary middle aged people to some extent, though they were quite chunky and desperate for change. I feel l know what is going to happen, because it is Anthony Robbins, but I am surprised by how it goes down. Anthony says something, touches them in a way, and the people posture, face, and body language make an incredible shift. They haven't become different people physically, but there is a different sense about them, like as if he had healed them. I am in awe. I look towards the older people who are in amazement as well. I realize that they can achieve the same thing, and so can't I.

 

The dream jumps scene again, and I am outside among the trees in a forest walking and I am connecting and feeling my emotion oh so strongly. I feel as though I am gaining control over them. I am listening to a listener call by a very bright man, who wants to Stefan to interpret his dream. The caller seemed like he thought he really had something, and describes the dream. He was out in the forest, and he went into a lot of detail about how the interactions between the people in the dream [i can't really remember most of the dream, but it was a bit of fairytale type story]. There is one part where the listener sees a deer and it gives him advice on how to deal with the people, who seemed to be more animalistic in the dream.Stefan jumps in with his clarifying voice, and says "wait a minute, the deer was talking to you?". I am a little thrown off by what this would entail, but am rather intrigued. Stefan goes on to say "why do you think a deer of all animals would talk to you?". The listener became rather defensive, as if he knew the answer. "Uh, uh, uh" and goes on with a rationalization to explain it away. I think to myself, "well it is just a dream", but this idea is counteracted by the thought of the book "Man and His Symbols" by Carl Jung, and it was more just a picture of the book. I began to understand what Stefan was getting at in regards to the dream, and I think to myself, "woah Stefan, you really got him pinned down now".The dream doesn’t quite jump scene, but rather fades into the distance like it didn't even happen.

 

My brain continues with the strength of feeling, and I can feel all of the different parts. I then realize that the dream Stefan had just interpreted was my dream, and that I was now experiencing emotion. I began to feel it more and more, stronger and stronger. It was intense.I decide at the moment that I need to face the reality of the past. I summoned up the image of Anthony Robbins in the church, and I am petrified. "How could he do that to those people" I thought. It was like I saw the hidden insanity behind the show, and that there was a much darker intent.The front and sides of my head were in vibration the most, and at this moment I realized that I have full access to my brain and I wanted to let all parts experience and let out the anger, shock, and disgust in regards to that event. I hear an internal yelling of the parts of my brain that seems to eventually go away, most all parts feeling in harmony. I get to the part behind my head and do the same, and this part seems to be much more reactive towards it and scared of it. I would say that this is the conceptual area. I silence all of the other parts and it continues screaming, and won't stop. I don't freak out though, because I realize it is necessary. I then wake up, rather confused, my head still pulsing like mad.

 

Did that really just happen? Did I really just have such an incredible dream I wonder. I get the inclination to write the dream down. I am still feeling quite high. I then wake up once more. I am rather confused and disorientated. I forget that I had a dream and I begin to think a little and do a few things, and then it starts coming back to me like a nagging thought. At first I don't want to write it down because I am tired and groggy, but I then figure that it is important and that I won't remember later if I don't do it now. I go to get the computer beside me and in my bed, and this doesn't make all that much sense to me because I wouldn't leave it there, but I just went with it.The dream jumps scene a bit and I then see the computer all the way over on the table next to me, and I am lying in bed. I can't get up, kind of like I am paralyzed. I realize that my eyes are closed and that this is similar to what happens when I am in deep meditation and seeing through my mind's eye [that is how others explain that event].

 

Now I do actually wake up for real. My head was in the buzzy and active state, and I feel as though I was coming out of it. I felt as though I was really deep into sleep and that my mind was having a really difficult time waking up my body. It takes me a few minutes to remember I even had a dream. I went to my computer next to my bed and began writing.

[NigelW]

That is quite a dream. What did you do the day before?

[Pepin]

I worked out in the morning. Some 22 year old guy came into the sauna and gave me a motivational talk and some money advice, which I found to be rather random useful, and I somewhat thought I was hallucinating because of how random it was.

Then I saw my therapist and made some progress in that I was able to bypass my defenses a little more than usual. So far the process has been him trying to get my to experiance emotions by asking how something makes me feel, and me not feeling anything. That day, I felt a little something, which made me a little happy, which is ironic because the emotion(s) I felt were more negative.

I also did a decent amount of meditation, thinking about my past, and a few other forms of self-work (journaling and self IFS mainly). I think I likely listened to some FDR podasts, though I can't remember if I did that for sure. I continued to read a few books, one by Jung, the other being a graphic novel about a logician. Also some science videos.

I don't think I interacted with people much beyond that.

[NigelW]

Some noobie ideas to bounce off you:

-Do you think the "numbing" may have to do with a dissociation?

-The architectural reference is interesting. Do you think the cafeteria may have to do with a memory of dissociation.

-Is the number of people on the stage is significant?

-Could you tell me more about the "darker intent" of the Anthony Robbins show? What feeling do you have associated with it?

[Pepin]

Some noobie ideas to bounce off you:

-Do you think the "numbing" may have to do with a dissociation?

-The architectural reference is interesting. Do you think the cafeteria may have to do with a memory of dissociation.

-Is the number of people on the stage is significant?

-Could you tell me more about the "darker intent" of the Anthony Robbins show? What feeling do you have associated with it?

-Though I am unsure where the concept of numbing is coming into play in the dream (as of yet), I would say that dissociation is something I am an expert at. I ran into a lot of issues with pseudoseizures where a big theme was becoming disconnected from my body, time, self, and everything really.

-Doing some brainstorming on this one. In school I was always unsure of who I was going to sit with. I also developed some eating disorder where I wouldn't eat or really feel hungry at lunch in high school. Thinking a bit deeper, there were some church events held in a cafe that I had a tough time getting through due to the seizure issues. There was one awful time where I had five really terrible ones within an hour, and the feeling of almost completele dissociation didn't go away until I took a long nap. Another thing that pops into my head is that I tend to get pretty anxious when I go out to eat at resturants. I really don't have any of these issues anymore for the most part.

-I feel as though it is, though I am unsure why it would be. What comes to mind is that it was a number that I rather despised as a kid, because it was not even, and there is no real way to balance it out. I was pretty OCD with symmetry as a kid. This thought is pretty odd, but it feels like it is relevant and makes sense with the dream, I find the arrangement of the people on the stage to make sense and be a solution to this lack of symmetry.

A1B2C3D

Why those inbetween would be facing away from the audiance I am unsure of.

-The darker intent was more of a feeling, but to put it into words, it would be that Anthony was potraying himself as a means of success and well being and convincing people that this was true. A second level to this is that he was capable of making a real change in the lives of the people on stage through some sort of irrational process, like whatever he did to those people worked, but it would not work for anyone else in the audiance and was more of a means of trapping people into a relationship. Though I didn't include this before, when I say touch, I mean spank.

[Mishelle]

Interesting!  You were able to capture so much detail.  But, what does the dream mean to you?  Why all the animals?

 

This line popped out at me:

 

"am in awe. I look towards the older people who are in amazement as well. I realize that they can achieve the same thing, and so can't I."

 

And so can't I?!  Did I miss something, or is that a Freudian slip?