Clay Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I'm currently splitting a small rental house with one of my best friends and our 2 dogs. It's a small 2 bedroom house with 1 main room, 1 bathroom and not much else. I've been here for about 3 months now. Anyways, he mentioned a while ago that his girlfriend might move in with us, and he wanted to see if I'd be okay with that. I told him I wouldn't mind at all so long as she pays a third of the rent. He never objected at the time, but tonight they asked me how I felt about her moving in real soon. I basically said the same thing, and they challenged me on it this time. They made the case that it should be a little cheaper for her, since they are splitting a room. Also, she works 2 jobs and I work from home so they used the "she won't even be around the house that much, compared to you" as a reason to reduce her rent. I didn't really say much in response, because well... the conversation made me a little uncomfortable, I'm afraid of confrontation, and have always been a bit of a pushover (trying to work on that)... I like them both, and am very good friends with them both, and wouldn't mind living with them both, but I can't help but feel like this proposal is a bit unfair to me. If I'm going to make a case against what they're saying, I want think it through first so that I have good grasp on why I'm feeling this way about their proposal. I'm tired of being a pushover, but that part of my brain is telling me to just accept their terms to avoid any confrontation. I'm having trouble even articulating why I think she should have to pay equal rent. Maybe my feeling are wrong about that... I don't know. I could really use some insight, guidance or criticism. Thanks!
Dave Bockman Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Who is on the lease at the moment? Were you the original renter? What does the landlord think? A concern would be the new power paradigm, it would no longer be 50-50, they would be a united block moving forward. I don't think it matters where she sleeps, she is still a renter. If the boyfriend wishes to kick in for her third that's fine too.
ribuck Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 When I shared a house in that situation, we did make the rent a little cheaper for the couple who were sharing a room. Can you accommodate their rent being a little cheaper (with "little" being the key word) without feeling like you're being a pushover? It sounds like a win-win situation, since having an extra person should still make it possible to reduce your share of the rent.
vista_davis Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 These roommate situations can always get a little sticky. In principal, I don't think there's anything wrong with reducing the rent-split for a person who has a smaller room, or in this case splitting the room. When I lived with roommates, I always took the smaller room available and my roommates in every case agreed to let me pay a little less. The question is how much is fair? In my experience the discount was about 15%-20%. If your roommate expects to just split his half of the rent with his girlfriend, then I would say that's unfair. She still gets equal access to the living space, the kitchen, the bathroom. And I think it's only fair to equally split utilities. The reasoning your roommate used to justify cheaper rent, "she won't even be around the house that much, compared to you," sounds like a bunch of BS to me. He's suggesting that somehow the amount of rent one should pay is based on how often they're home. And that's just not how it works. I'm sure when you sat down with the landlord to negotiate the lease, if you tried suggesting, "Hey I plan on only spending about 80% of my time in the apartment, can I pay only 80% of the rent you're asking," this would not even be considered, and probably laughed at. What happens if his girlfriend ends up spending more time at home than anticipated? Do you get to raise her rent? Why is this the deal just for her? What if you get a new job and start commuting and spending less time at home, do you get to lower your rent? What if you go on vacation? Do you get to not pay rent for the time you're away? Universalize this principal. What if everyone kept a log of the time they've spent in the apartment and then paid the appropriate portion of rent? Of course that would be impractical. It seems to me that your roommate lacks empathy for you in this position. He really wants to live with his girlfriend, which is understandable, but doesn't consider how this affects you at all. I've been the guy with the girlfriend in this situation. I talked about it with my roommate at the time and I understood he wouldn't be comfortable with the arrangement. I never forced it on him and we continued to get along just fine. My solution ultimately was to move out to a new apartment with my girlfriend. That being said, it could end up being a great arrangement and you'll get to pay a little less in rent. But don't let yourself get bullied into something you're just not comfortable with. Once she moves in, she'll likely be there to stay and you might be the one getting pushed out.
TheRobin Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I would say rent is what you pay for space usage, so I would concentrate more on figuring out how much less you have to pay now, given that she will use part of some shared rooms, than how your roommates should split the cost.Here's a little math, that might help:you said 2 bedrooms 1 main room 1 bath and 1 "not much else" (I assume this includes a shared kitchen, if not, simply subtract that from the equation)so assuming we give "room usage points" to each room, where 100 being complete usage by you and 0 being no usage by you at all, then currently it would look like this.1 bedroom : 1001 bedroom: 01 main room: 501 bath: 501 not much else: 50making it a total of 250 for 5 rooms (out of a possible 500 points if you had the whole thing for yourself), thus since 250/500=.50 (or 50%) you currently pay 50% the rent.so with her being there that would change to1 bedroom: 1001 bedroom: 01 main room: 33(.33)1 bath: 33(.33)1 not much else: 33(.33)making it a total of 200 for you. so 200/500= .40 or 40% of space that you use now. (and not 33%), so I'd say it would be fair for you to pay accordingly and let them decide how they want to split.But regardless of all that, make sure you have an agreement beforehand of how to settle disputes that doesn't end up being a 2v1 situation. And/or sit down beforehand and come up with a lot of possible things that might occur and that would need to be adressed anyway (like who cleans what and when in regards to all the shared rooms, bathroom hygiene, kitchen usage and cleaning of pans/pots afterwards, possible noiselevel) so that you don't have to end up in a uncofortable spot after it's too late and you can't change anymore.Good luck and I hope that helps
Stephen C Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I'm afraid of confrontation, and have always been a bit of a pushover Not true. Humans are not born "pushovers" or afraid of confrontation. This sounds like a story.
Clay Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice! It really helps alot. @StephenC You're right. It's a story, and not a short one at that. Long story short... my dad was hyper-critical of me as a kid, and whenever I even questioned/confronted his behavior... well... it didn't turn out so well for me. I can only imagine that's where my fear of confrontation stems from. @TheRobin Thank you for the perspective here. That's very helpful. I'm definitely going to use this "math" to try and ensure that all 3 of us find the terms to be agreeable. @vista_davis I think you're right about that one line "she won't even be around the house that much, compared to you," being a bunch of BS. That may have been what caused me the most anxiety out of hte whole conversation. Something about the way he said that, didn't sit right with me. It almost made it seem like they were looking for any excuse to get cheaper rent, rather than finding good reasons. I think it's possible that he hasn't really thought it through, and he just sort of blurted it out. I can't blame him for not seeing it differently though, since I didn't even bother to question or challenge him on it. I'm going to though. The questions you asked are very valuable to me. Thanks! @ribuck I definitely could accomodate the rent being a little cheaper for her, without feeling like a pushover. I guess, it really comes down to the fact that I just want to make sure that my feelings are taken into account, before a decision is made. I have a history of letting people take advantage of me, because I don't speak up for myself, and I want to make sure that's not what happens here. I agree with you, this does sound like a potential win-win situation. @David Bockman My room mate is the original renter, and the 1 year lease he signed in the beginning hasn't been renewed, so we're just on a month-to-month basis now. The landlord is happy, so long as she receives her $1100 every month. She has no problem with the arrangement, as far as I know. Thanks again everyone! So helpful!
Stephen C Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice! It really helps alot. @StephenC You're right. It's a story, and not a short one at that. Long story short... my dad was hyper-critical of me as a kid, and whenever I even questioned/confronted his behavior... well... it didn't turn out so well for me. I can only imagine that's where my fear of confrontation stems from. You're welcome.I'm sorry this was the case for you growing up It's not true that you can only imagine where your fear of confrontation stems from, you know for certain where it stems from.
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