Chris Harris Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I just had an interesting conversation with my mother regarding our relationship. She called today wondering why we have not been talking much recently and I finally felt confident enough to ask for some time off, not just with her but with all of my family. She seemed to take this personally and accused me of being selfish along with arguing that I cannot analyze the relationship between us without involving her. She also repeatedly said that she is not the same person she used to be and that I am just looking at the past her which is not fair to her. I have some mixed feelings regarding this and when the conversation ended she was very upset and seemed to feel that I am getting vengeance on her for what she has done in the past. I do not think that I am trying to be vengeful but I am trying to find out what will make me happy and how (if at all) our relationship can continue or become better since it is not satisfying for either of us. I have mixed feelings because I am proud that I was able to stand my ground and keep calm during this conversation but I also feel worried about what will happen to her since she seemed distraught and is somewhat isolated. I also feel that maybe I am being selfish but that does not seem to be the case since I am just telling her what I am going to do with my own life and I am not asking anything of her except to respect my decision. I also tried to help her see that this is can be a good thing since it might lead to us having an actual relationship rather than just the appearance of one. In short, I am just wondering if what I did was the right thing to do and if I am being unfair to her since that is not my intention. If anyone could give me some advice, I would very much appreciate it since this is all very new to me. Thank you all for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefan Molyneux Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Did she ask you any questions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Harris Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 The first question she asked was why did i go from calling often to almost never calling and thats when i told her the truth, that i would like a break from family. From there the questions receded into reason why i should not do this or how it is unfair to both of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherapple Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Are you listening to the listener conversations? Are you listening to your feelings, and differentiating which of them actually belong to (benefit) you, and which belong to (benefit) your mother? It's a long process to sort all of this out, which is one of the reasons for taking a break from family, to give yourself time to find out who you are, differentiated from who your family wants you to be. You don't have to explain your choice to anyone. The goal is to understand the truth for yourself. Your parents can and will come to their own understand, and if they aren't asking you any questions, it shows that they prefer telling stories, rather than doing any work to find out the actual truth of who you are and what you want and need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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