Anger to Break the Cycle of Abuse, Sources

[kalmia]

I have heard Stefan state repeatedly that anger is the only proven way to break the cycle of abuse. Thinking through what I have gotten angry at this all makes perfect logical sense from my personal experience. But I have stated this to others while adding that abuse victims will go on to abuse if given the opportunity unless they process what has happened to them, and part of this includes getting angry. The responses I recieved were dismissive stating that it is an old theory that has long been disproven, and that my statements are cruel and hurtful. (This was on a FB thread for those breaking away from a Fundy Baptist church I grew up in.) From the looks of those attacking me and misinterpreting my statements, they appear to be older frumpier women, so my assumption is that they have already gone on to abuse themselves, and only want comfort for their past. I think it is worth holding out the consequence of their abuse victims coming to terms with things, so that can be useful, but also, there are others who may not have gone on to abuse, and I would like to have some clear references to point to. Any suggestions for clear ideal references? Thanks.

[JamesP]

I wasn't aware that this was an old theory and it would be helpful to have resources, but did they provide any sources for the disproof?

If the women are older and frumpier, I would suggest that they have gone on to abuse others, not just themselves.  They would most likely be on the losing end of the just expression of anger.

[cherapple]

The benefits of anger are for you. If other people want to know about them, they will ask you with genuine curiosity. Instead, they attempt to misdirect your anger away from your abusers, reinflicting it back on you. You don't need to prove anything to such people. They know exactly the benefits of anger. The only proof you need is that they are working so hard to deflect you from them. 

[Wesley]

The responses I recieved were dismissive stating that it is an old theory that has long been disproven, and that my statements are cruel and hurtful.

This reads to me something like:

"I'm going to dismiss your arguments with no proof by belittling you and saying it is just obviously not true so I do not need to provide proof. Then, I am going to appeal to the fact that you are trying to be a good person and call you an evil and sadistic person for provoking my anxieties about this topic. I then have resolved my own anxieties and will reinforce my position that abusers are not a problem, but normal so I can continue my comfortable life."

I may be projecting from some interactions I have had before, but that is what I thought as I read that.

I either wouldn't interact with them or simply ask for proof of the theory that this doesn't work, though my guess is this directness will be side-stepped and ignored.

I would like to have some clear references to point to. Any suggestions for clear ideal references?

Stef has referred to and interviewed Robin Grille about this topic. He talks about it in his book (Or so I understand):

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1921004142