Just a few peaceful parenting questions

[Robert Stempien]

I've heard Stefan mention in his videos before about peaceful parenting, not spanking your child and such, and while I do not really want children for a few more years I would like to ask afew questions about it so I can correctly raise my children in accordence to it

1) My dad spanked me afew times when I was a little kid, but only when I was young enough that he could not explain to me what I did wrong, I was wondering if Stefan or anyone else had advice about how to show your child they have done wrong at this age before they can be reasoned with?

2) Do you also include yelling at your child as abusive?

[Wesley]

 

I've heard Stefan mention in his videos before about peaceful parenting, not spanking your child and such, and while I do not really want children for a few more years I would like to ask afew questions about it so I can correctly raise my children in accordence to it

1) My dad spanked me afew times when I was a little kid, but only when I was young enough that he could not explain to me what I did wrong, I was wondering if Stefan or anyone else had advice about how to show your child they have done wrong at this age before they can be reasoned with?

2) Do you also include yelling at your child as abusive?

 

1) Please provide more information as to the example of the story and what happened, what age, why he felt you were bad and why he couldn't talk to you.

2) Verbal abuse is still abuse.

 

[Robert Stempien]

 

 

I've heard Stefan mention in his videos before about peaceful parenting, not spanking your child and such, and while I do not really want children for a few more years I would like to ask afew questions about it so I can correctly raise my children in accordence to it

1) My dad spanked me afew times when I was a little kid, but only when I was young enough that he could not explain to me what I did wrong, I was wondering if Stefan or anyone else had advice about how to show your child they have done wrong at this age before they can be reasoned with?

2) Do you also include yelling at your child as abusive?

 

1) Please provide more information as to the example of the story and what happened, what age, why he felt you were bad and why he couldn't talk to you.

2) Verbal abuse is still abuse.

 

 

   I think I was like 1or 2, I don't even remember it,I really don't remember being spanked after that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wesley]

 

   I think I was like 1or 2, I don't even remember it,I really don't remember being spanked after that.

 

 

By 2 you can negotiate and explain to a kid. At 1, the kid isn't really doing anything wrong. He is just being a child.

 

Either, the child is capable of understanding right and wrong in which case you can talk to the child and explain what they should do or shouldn't do and why.

Else, the child is not capable of knowing right or wrong by which the kid is simply trying to fill their needs and explore the world around them, by which spanking the child is more despicable than hitting a mentally disabled person who doesn't understand what they are doing wrong.

[Agalloch]

 

I've heard Stefan mention in his videos before about peaceful parenting, not spanking your child and such, and while I do not really want children for a few more years I would like to ask afew questions about it so I can correctly raise my children in accordence to it

1) My dad spanked me afew times when I was a little kid, but only when I was young enough that he could not explain to me what I did wrong, I was wondering if Stefan or anyone else had advice about how to show your child they have done wrong at this age before they can be reasoned with?

2) Do you also include yelling at your child as abusive?

 

If a child can't conceive that they have done wrong - i.e. have it explained to them/be reasoned with - then how can that child conceive that they've done wrong as a result of being harmed? Or even have done wrong, where intent is important in most crimes (you can't steal if you genuinely believe something is unowned, you can't murder if you had no idea your television remote control had been maliciously connected to an electric chair).

Nobody can learn better by being harmed, either you are capable of comprehending something, or you aren't. There's no evidence linking violence and improved cognition - infact, quite the opposite! Also, I notice a performative contradiction. You're suggesting teaching children not to perform certain acts because those acts are bad. Hitting is bad. Therefore, how can you teach someone not to commit bad acts by performing one?

Yelling at someone - especially in an involuntary relationship - is abusive. It's a shame that we do still say things like "at a child", despite there being no philosophical basis for considering them a unique category.

[Wesley]

It's a shame that we do still say things like "at a child", despite there being no philosophical basis for considering them a unique category.

There is to the point that they are in fully dependent, involuntary relationships by which yelling is abusive. Yelling at a waiter on the other hand is at least mch less abusive because they can throw me out of the restaurant and never see me again. A child has no opportunity to leave, thus any act of aggression is worse as it is unavoidable.

[Rob_Ilir]

Hi Stemp, nice that you are researching a better future for your kids than you had. One thing that popped into my mind was that spanking is "not as bad" compared to the emotional and physical neglect, and the child would try anything to get their attention, even if it means screaming yelling hitting that might lead to a "spank". This is not a justification of spankers, but the road that leads to there. I think we should look at raising kids as a package, verbally physically and emotionally. Even though kids cant understand words, they sure do understand the tone and 80% of the implied body language. 

[tasmlab]

My youngest daughter turned two last week, and I gotta tell you that sometime it is hard to reason with them.

She's taken to biting her brother to the point where he bleeds.  We separate them, tell her in a very serious tone that it was wrong, and have her sit by herself for a few minutes.  She knows she's wrong and cries with guilt, but it wasn't an automatic stop by any means.

Is my serious tone yelling?  Is giving her a time out abuse?  I'm certainly expressing power and she has a pretty important lesson to learn here.

The biting to the point of scarring has been the biggest and most challenging thing.  If she throws her dinner on the floor or something we're all pretty calm.

I'm more questions than answers.

[Wesley]

 

My youngest daughter turned two last week, and I gotta tell you that sometime it is hard to reason with them.

She's taken to biting her brother to the point where he bleeds.  We separate them, tell her in a very serious tone that it was wrong, and have her sit by herself for a few minutes.  She knows she's wrong and cries with guilt, but it wasn't an automatic stop by any means.

Is my serious tone yelling?  Is giving her a time out abuse?  I'm certainly expressing power and she has a pretty important lesson to learn here.

The biting to the point of scarring has been the biggest and most challenging thing.  If she throws her dinner on the floor or something we're all pretty calm.

I'm more questions than answers.

 

I will now defer to those with practical experience, which I do not have in parenting children. I think the question would be to ask her why is she biting? Which you may not know or she might not know yet. What need does it satisfy? Does she gain attention? Is it retaliation for something the brother is doing?

 

Obviously you can't let biting happen, and we both seem wary about these techniques as exerting power and possibly harmful. However, I do not have good solutions except to try to find out why. Try to empathize with her position and find out why biting is the "best option" in some scenario.