Promoting Parenting that Facilitates Healthy Neurodevelopment: Zeroing in And Getting More Active?

[STer]

With Father's Day (at least in the US) coming up tomorrow, now seems as good a time as any to raise this issue.

So after being on this forum for a while now, I've seen a diversity of interesting discussions. But all of the most crucial ones seem to always come back to one topic - the importance of optimizing parenting.

More specifically, they seem to come back especially to the importance of parenting in such a way as to promote healthy brain/neurological development (or at least as healthy as possible in a given case).

This topic was perhaps hit upon most powerfully in the Bomb in the Brain series.

While this forum and Stefan's work hit on a very broad range of topics and serve as a great exploration of philosophy, including politics, economics and so much more, the single most important activist angle that I see here all has to do with promoting an understanding of the effects of parenting on the brain and how parents can make sure they are impacting their children's neurological development most beneficially.

It really seems to be at the point where engaging in that - along with all it entails (which is a longer discussion) - should be the #1 goal. It's the one goal we can probably all agree on - and can agree on with people from a lot of other movements - even despite any differences we may have regarding the many other issues discussed here. In fact, if we pursue this goal, I wonder how much it even matters whether or not we openly promote all of the other philosophical ideas beyond the point where they help contribute to the better parenting.

I'm not saying to stop philosophizing on the other angles. They have their place in a life well examined. But the parenting, specifically in regards to promoting optimally healthy neurology, seems like it should be catapulted to the #1 priority and that should be reflected more clearly in day-to-day terms of what this community focuses on.

This raises a couple questions for me.

1) Does anyone know if there is a specific term for the concept or science of parenting based on a conscious, explicit goal of healthy neurodevelopment for the child? I couldn't think of one of which I'm aware.

Off the top of my head, I looked into the term "NeuroParenting." That led to some interesting things, such as:

• The NeuroParenting LinkedIn group
• A NeuroParenting meetup group in Singapore
• NeuroParenting classes

And so on.

But I'm not sure if what these people mean by NeuroParenting is exactly what we would mean by it. But the point is that the term is out there as one example similar to what I'm asking for.

Some more searching brought me to the term "Brain-Based Parenting" including resources like this book, Brain-Based Parenting: The Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment.

But this doesn't seem to be what we're looking for because it seems to focus mostly on just the neurology of the parent themselves in the act of parenting and not as much on the neurology of the developing child. Also I'm not sure a focus on attachment alone is specific enough since, as crucial as that is, it's still perhaps not the whole ball of wax.

In any case, if anyone can come up with or knows of a term that means what Stefan is clearly promoting in terms of parenting with a conscious, explicit goal of stimulating healthy neurodevelopment, it would be fantastic to be able to refer to.

I know that usually on this forum, people instead say things like "peaceful parenting." But I think this is too vague and general and leaves far too much room for interpretation. And besides that, the most powerful arguments for it all come back to this focus on neurodevelopment anyway (the moral arguments being less persuasive to many, I think). So I think it would be more precise and more powerful to focus directly on parenting based on the science of healthy brain and neurological development rather than just saying the method is peaceful, especially when it would actually be more than just peaceful.

2) I wonder what Stefan and others think about becoming more active and explicit, in a concentrated and organized way, in advocating for this very specific goal of parenting based on the science of neurodevelopment? If you agree it's the single most important activity we can participate in to improve our world and our future, doesn't it deserve more than just being one topic among so many on this forum and in Stefan's work? Doesn't it deserve to be plucked out and put on a pedestal somehow and driven with a little more activist fervor?

I could see this happening through this site, perhaps through an offshoot project or just through a serious campaign of support for an existing project that involves the people doing the best work in this field.


To conclude, I just want to say that within this topic there is still a lot of discussion. Parenting for optimal neurodevelopment includes a number of things beyond just "peaceful parenting."

• It involves getting better at identifying kids with special needs who require particular, and sometimes very specific, types of care to develop optimally. (This, by the way, is where the argument over nature vs. nurture when it comes to disorders of reduced empathy/conscience gets reconciled since, if there are children born with genetic, neurological or other biological predispositions to lower empathy/conscience, parents would have to be involved in finding out about them and in parenting those children who have them in the best possible way to compensate for those challenges. So even if we were to find out these conditions were completely originating in "nature" - which is surely not usually the case, but consider it just for the sake of argument - parents would still be the ones who would have to understand these conditions and what perhaps special care the child needs to optimally develop. So this mindset of parenting for and based on an educated view of optimal neurodevelopment would be just the one called for even in such "nature"-based cases.)
• It involves understanding how to protect kids from the very real threats that exist, at least in part because of those who are still not parented with healthy neurodevelopment in mind.
• It involves an ongoing curiosity in the emerging science on these issues, so as not to be dogmatic about any particular methods but to continuously approach the topic in a rational and unbiased way.

And a lot more.

But all of that could be explored under the umbrella of this concept - whatever the name might be - and any project that might stem from it.

I've also considered that this goes beyond just brain/neurodevelopment. It also involves hormonal and other biological aspects of healthy parenting. So perhaps the focus needs to be even a bit broader to incorporate those areas. But on the other hand, I imagine the brain aspects are most important and perhaps it's worth focusing on those.

I would love to hear all of your thoughts, especially Stefan's.

[STer]

Well speak of the devil haha.

Hillary Clinton announces early childhood development initiative

"New research shows that what happens here [in a child's home] during
the first five years of your child's life will make a difference for
the rest of his or her life," Clinton says of the home in a video
announcing "Too Small to Fail."

"According to its website, the
initiative is designed "to promote new research on the science of
children’s brain development, early learning and early health." And it
plans to "help parents, businesses and communities identify specific
actions ... that they can take to improve the lives of young children."

Not to sidetrack things. I'd still love responses to the OP. But couldn't help but share this. It's almost like she read the thread or something [:O]

[STer]

And the video.

 

[View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwn0YGKM-Fg:480:360]

 

Again, not to sidetrack the thread to focus on critiquing this particular project. But just so relevant.

[Guest darkskyabove]

 

It's the one goal we can probably all agree on - and can agree on with people from a lot of other movements - even despite any differences we may have regarding the many other issues discussed here. In fact, if we pursue this goal, I wonder how much it even matters whether or not we openly promote all of the other philosophical ideas beyond the point where they help contribute to the better parenting.

 

One of the most reasoned and compassionate statements I've come across in quite some time. Mega-super kudos to you you STer.

What good does it do to argue, if the result is the creation of more barriers? Finding common ground, and negotiating towards positive outcomes, is far more rewarding than making assertions, and claiming "victory".

Parents, generally, want the best for their children; even when they have no clue how to help achieve it.

If I could change one, and only one, thing in this world, I would like to change the way children are raised. Most else would soon follow.

[STer]

 

 

It's the one goal we can probably all agree on - and can agree on with people from a lot of other movements - even despite any differences we may have regarding the many other issues discussed here. In fact, if we pursue this goal, I wonder how much it even matters whether or not we openly promote all of the other philosophical ideas beyond the point where they help contribute to the better parenting.

 

One of the most reasoned and compassionate statements I've come across in quite some time. Mega-super kudos to you you STer.

What good does it do to argue, if the result is the creation of more barriers? Finding common ground, and negotiating towards positive outcomes, is far more rewarding than making assertions, and claiming "victory".

Parents, generally, want the best for their children; even when they have no clue how to help achieve it.

If I could change one, and only one, thing in this world, I would like to change the way children are raised. Most else would soon follow.

 

I've got nothing against arguing to try to find ever more accurate ideas and goals. But in the meantime, it's silly not to take massive action on the goals that we all already agree are worthwhile, especially when we agree it's not just any shared goal, but the very key leverage point. We only disagree somewhat on the particulars of implementation.

What about my questions though?

1) Do you know of a term for what I described?

2) Do you think an organized project focused on this should be undertaken? If so, under what banner? Should it be housed at FDR? Or should it be an offshoot separate project? Or do you know of a project already pursuing this in the way we're talking about that could just benefit from more support?

Again I'm not just talking about "improving parenting" in a general way, but specifically about improving parenting through spreading awareness of the science of how it interacts with brain/neurological development.

[Guest darkskyabove]

I did not intend to imply that argumentation is without merit. In regards to children, I would argue that setting aside our personal, philosophical, and political differences makes sense if we ask ourselves a simple question regarding most any issue: does it benefit the children?

I do not know of any term for what you've described. If I run across anything in my random walks upon the face of the web, I will surely let you know.

An organized project seems doable. There exist many organizations who try to focus on children. With brain development being the most fundamental issue of all, it would make sense to try getting everyone to, at least, promote the message: If you do A, B, and C, your child has a good, or better, chance of developing a strong brain. If you do X, Y, or Z, you are harming your child's future. There is enormous research to back this up. I think the trick is to package it in a way that does not alienate people. You can't just tell people: you're wrong. And it's not about what I think I'm telling them, it's about how they receive the message. Right, or wrong, it would not be effective to challenge the religion thing. We'd run into an impenetrable force-field, and be subjected to wild criticism. I'm not saying pander, but try to make the messages neutral: gender-less, religion-less, race-less, political-less, economic-less. I'll stop there, because I'm sure you get my point. And that won't be easy. But I must say, some of the ideas, and the ways they were presented, on this forum give me "faith" that people exist who can rise to the challenge

If Stefan would take up the mantle, it would help; he mostly meets all the -less criteria, except when he takes aim at religion. (Though I agree with his stance, in this case, I see counter-productivity, as mentioned.) He exhibits little, if any, gender, race, or socioeconomic biases. I would have said none, but hesitate to use absolutes, especially when I have not yet read all of his works, nor listened to all podcasts.

One thing's for sure: applying for non-profit status will clear the IRS at light-speed. Could you imagine the fallout for being politically targeted as an advocate for children?

I would be, not just happy, but joyous to volunteer time to such a project. I am not in a financial position to grant money, and I'm not anywhere near qualified in childhood development, but, though rusty, I could help with technological aspects, like web design. Or, as I've made a point in this and other posts, rational rhetoric.

Afterword:

Having been a victim of abusive behavior as a child, knowing intimately the unnecessary hurdles I've had to overcome, nothing stirs my heart more than the idea that other children would not have to go through any of it. Atheists and anarchists may not have souls, but they damn sure care about the important stuff!!!

[STer]

 

I did not intend to imply that argumentation is without merit. In regards to children, I would argue that setting aside our personal, philosophical, and political differences makes sense if we ask ourselves a simple question regarding most any issue: does it benefit the children?

I do not know of any term for what you've described. If I run across anything in my random walks upon the face of the web, I will surely let you know.

An organized project seems doable. There exist many organizations who try to focus on children. With brain development being the most fundamental issue of all, it would make sense to try getting everyone to, at least, promote the message: If you do A, B, and C, your child has a good, or better, chance of developing a strong brain. If you do X, Y, or Z, you are harming your child's future. There is enormous research to back this up. I think the trick is to package it in a way that does not alienate people. You can't just tell people: you're wrong. And it's not about what I think I'm telling them, it's about how they receive the message. Right, or wrong, it would not be effective to challenge the religion thing. We'd run into an impenetrable force-field, and be subjected to wild criticism. I'm not saying pander, but try to make the messages neutral: gender-less, religion-less, race-less, political-less, economic-less. I'll stop there, because I'm sure you get my point. And that won't be easy. But I must say, some of the ideas, and the ways they were presented, on this forum give me "faith" that people exist who can rise to the challenge

If Stefan would take up the mantle, it would help; he mostly meets all the -less criteria, except when he takes aim at religion. (Though I agree with his stance, in this case, I see counter-productivity, as mentioned.) He exhibits little, if any, gender, race, or socioeconomic biases. I would have said none, but hesitate to use absolutes, especially when I have not yet read all of his works, nor listened to all podcasts.

One thing's for sure: applying for non-profit status will clear the IRS at light-speed. Could you imagine the fallout for being politically targeted as an advocate for children?

I would be, not just happy, but joyous to volunteer time to such a project. I am not in a financial position to grant money, and I'm not anywhere near qualified in childhood development, but, though rusty, I could help with technological aspects, like web design. Or, as I've made a point in this and other posts, rational rhetoric.

Afterword:

Having been a victim of abusive behavior as a child, knowing intimately the unnecessary hurdles I've had to overcome, nothing stirs my heart more than the idea that other children would not have to go through any of it. Atheists and anarchists may not have souls, but they damn sure care about the important stuff!!!

 

Yes this is exactly what I mean. If we are going to keep pointing out that brain development hindered by poor parenting (whether directly by the parenting or by a failure to parent the child's special needs or parenting that failed to protect the child from threats to that healthy development that we know are out there) keeps people from accepting reason anyway, then we should really just focus in on parenting for a healthy brain and leave it at that. The rest will emerge naturally. And harping on the other stuff prior to a couple generations of healthy "brain parenting" will just be counterproductive - beating our heads against a brick wall.

You're right this also would easily become a tax-exempt organization if that is desired.

I'd still love to first find that term that is accurate enough to be very clear what we're talking about though. Neurological-Optimizing Parenting or something like that.

[STer]

Thinking of the term "Universally Preferable Behavior" it popped into my mind. What about the term "Neurologically Optimal Parenting"? If there is already a recognized term out there for what I'm after I'd want to consider that first. If not, though, and we have to create one, there is a decent idea I think.

[Guest darkskyabove]

As much as I like the "Neurologically optimal" idea, don't you think that's a little advanced for most. I thought of "Success-Oriented", but that misses the whole brain thing. Of course, the name does not, necessarily, have to reflect the brain-optimization aspect. I realize you're not aiming for something as simple as "Children First", or "Head Start", but is there a middle ground, that conveys the benefit to children, without over-intellectualizing. Remember, you're trying to reach out to people that don't have the most advanced cognitive skills. Though, on the other hand, dumbing down too much would make it sound like just another hack.

I must consider...something will come.

[STer]

 

As much as I like the "Neurologically optimal" idea, don't you think that's a little advanced for most. I thought of "Success-Oriented", but that misses the whole brain thing. Of course, the name does not, necessarily, have to reflect the brain-optimization aspect. I realize you're not aiming for something as simple as "Children First", or "Head Start", but is there a middle ground, that conveys the benefit to children, without over-intellectualizing. Remember, you're trying to reach out to people that don't have the most advanced cognitive skills. Though, on the other hand, dumbing down too much would make it sound like just another hack.

I must consider...something will come.

 

No the focus on the science of brain optimization (or neurological optimization or perhaps something a tiny bit broader but not too much) is the entire point and we need the proper term at least to talk about it with others who want to spread it. Later if there is some marketing approach to get the idea out there more that's a different discussion. At this point we're trying to even find the right term for US to rally around. Trying to tailor some more marketable inlet for others is jumping way ahead in the process.

There are already a million different people out there pushing different ways of parenting they consider healthy. What distinguishes this is the brain science. That is the parenting approach Stefan focuses on that many others, even well-intentioned people, do not.

[Stefan Molyneux]

I think it's a fantastic idea, and a really worthwhile initiative, I'd like to take a stab at developing some interviews along these lines, and perhaps putting a book together, but it will have to wait until after my cancer treatments, my energy is pretty low at the moment, and I still have one more to go...

[Guest darkskyabove]

Okay, brainstorm time. "Brain-Optimized Parenting"

I realize I took the cheap route and simply substituted "brain" for "neurologically", but, hey, it's a brainstorm.

I'll think on it, having grown up in the "Age of the Slogan", I should be able to come up with something worth consideration.

And I semi-retract my statement about making it too intellectual. In an age of dumbness, something "smart sounding" could have more appeal than initially thought.

But, I agree, marketing is not the first priority. If you build it, they will come.

Update: Whooo, hooo!!! Stefan jumped in, and likes the idea. Best fortune with the treatment, Stefan!

[STer]

 

I think it's a fantastic idea, and a really worthwhile initiative, I'd like to take a stab at developing some interviews along these lines, and perhaps putting a book together, but it will have to wait until after my cancer treatments, my energy is pretty low at the moment, and I still have one more to go...

 

Understandable, you have to prioritize your health. Two questions for you, Stefan:

1) Your thoughts on the terminology? Any term for what I'm describing that you know of? "Neurologic-Optimizing Parenting"?

2) Do you think an interview and a book is enough? Or should this be more of an activist thing, which is what I'm envisioning, though of course, interviews, books, etc. could be part of the foundation of it. I mean part of the point is you've already done several great interviews on this, put together Bomb in the Brain, etc. What I'm seeing is a need to go beyond information now to more fervent advocacy and also zeroing in more specifically on the key point which is the neurodevelopmental effects of parenting, stripped down from anything distracting from that.

[STer]

 

Okay, brainstorm time. "Brain-Optimized Parenting"

I realize I took the cheap route and simply substituted "brain" for "neurologically", but, hey, it's a brainstorm.

I'll think on it, having grown up in the "Age of the Slogan", I should be able to come up with something worth consideration.

And I semi-retract my statement about making it too intellectual. In an age of dumbness, something "smart sounding" could have more appeal than initially thought.

But, I agree, marketing is not the first priority. If you build it, they will come.

Update: Whooo, hooo!!! Stefan jumped in, and likes the idea. Best fortune with the treatment, Stefan!

 

First of all I think it would have to be "Brain-Optimizing Parenting". But either way, as you saw in the OP, "Brain-Based Parenting" is already in use, but is being used to refer more to the brain of the parent in the process of parenting than that of the child. So I think that would probably get confused with what we're talking about being that close.

This isn't a slogan. And this isn't a game (insert "you think this is a game?" meme here). The whole point of this movement is that it is a scientific pursuit, not just some New Age feel good thing. Diabetics are told to eat a "Diabetic Diet." That's not a marketing gimmick. it's a diet tailored for the particular needs of diabetics based on science and medicine. Similarly, there is parenting that is tailored to optimal brain development based on science. But there is no name for this kind of parenting yet that I can find, which itself is telling. But what I'm looking for has nothing whatsoever to do with a marketing slogan. It has to do with conveying exactly what this is. Marketing slogans around that can come later.

[Guest darkskyabove]

Just felt the need to throw this into the mix:

These are the words to a song by one of the All-Time greatest metal bands, Testament; two of whose members successfully recovered from cancer. Musically, this song is extremely heavy, but if the words don't stir you, you are dead inside. If you're brave enough, you can listen to the song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHWjHIeNTyw. The lyrics have much more impact while hearing the music!!! This might qualify as the anthem for de-fooing.

Legions (In Hiding)

Domestically violent

With razor blade smiles

Infested with anger

A well hidden crime

Teaching those lessons so cruel



Ah, the torment spreads

War inside my head

Please just set me free

You call this... a family?



Battered, abusive

There's no wrong or right

When you're enslaved in your room

Hiding from demons

In urban daylight

Knowing that they'll be here soon



Confusion and bruises

And scars left for life

When physical evidence fades

Silently screaming

Just to be loved

Their innocence taken away



Ah, the torment spreads

War inside my head

Please just set me free

You call this... a family?



Virtues are shattered

By parents they trust

When all love they give is misused

The next generation

The damaged will learn

To keep spinning wheels of abuse



Ah, the torment spreads

War inside my head

Please just set me free

You call this... a family?

--Testament, from the album "Low", 1994, Atlantic Records.

[STer]

 

Just felt the need to throw this into the mix:

These are the words to a song by one of the All-Time greatest metal bands, Testament; two of whose members successfully recovered from cancer. Musically, this song is extremely heavy, but if the words don't stir you, you are dead inside. If you're brave enough, you can listen to the song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHWjHIeNTyw. The lyrics have much more impact while hearing the music!!! This might qualify as the anthem for de-fooing.

[anchor=2][/anchor]

Domestically violent

With razor blade smiles

Infested with anger

A well hidden crime

Teaching those lessons so cruel



Ah, the torment spreads

War inside my head

Please just set me free

You call this... a family?



Battered, abusive

There's no wrong or right

When you're enslaved in your room

Hiding from demons

In urban daylight

Knowing that they'll be here soon



Confusion and bruises

And scars left for life

When physical evidence fades

Silently screaming

Just to be loved

Their innocence taken away



Ah, the torment spreads

War inside my head

Please just set me free

You call this... a family?



Virtues are shattered

By parents they trust

When all love they give is misused

The next generation

The damaged will learn

To keep spinning wheels of abuse



Ah, the torment spreads

War inside my head

Please just set me free

You call this... a family?

--Testament, from the album "Low", 1994, Atlantic Records.

 

DarkSky, this sentiment is great and you should send that to Stefan. But so off topic of this thread, the entire point of which is that we keep getting distracted from this topic.

Can you please use this thread to stay on topic and perhaps share those kinds of things elsewhere? Not to be rude about it but this thread in particular it would be pretty ironic if it got off topic.

[Guest darkskyabove]

@STer OK.

[STer]

 

@STer OK.

 

Thank you sir.