Trying to Move to a Big City

[Andersfilosof]

So here's a bit of background.  I'm 21, I live in a shit town called Atascadero, about halfway between L.A. and San Francisco, with a population of about 30,000.  I want to create a whole new circle of friends who are in tune with my values, rather than keep hanging with my old friends from high school who are comfortable with their stagnant lifestyle.  I don't want to see the same people every night I go out, and I want to be in a place where I actually have the option of meeting women outside of the party/bar scene, i.e. common interest groups and the like.  I also want to create a social circle of kickass musicians because as easy as it is to say "You don't need anyone else - just keep practicing " it's so hard to keep pushing myself to keep improving when I have no social circle to reinforce that discipline and have no really fun ways of using my skills (like playing shows).My problem is, I'm scared that I'll try and fail or that my dream is unrealistic.  I have some studio equipment (musical) I've been holding onto and could get at least a couple grand from selling it, but the question in my mind is what then?  I'm a smart enough and disciplined enough guy to adapt to any job I need to (other than intense physical work), but I don't have any clue what type of job I could get where I could work full-time and have enough money to pay my rent and be able to eat healthy food.  I realize a good first step is getting a Vespa or a car or something that will allow me to transport myself, so as I continue job-searching, I'll look forward to getting that handled by saving as much as possible at my part-time job until I can buy one, but even once I have that, I'm at a loss for what to do.I'd prefer advice from anyone who's taken that leap of faith and moved to a big city with minimal workplace skills, but any feedback would be awesome.   I realize I have blind spots in this area, because all I've ever lived in is a small town full of people who use drugs to escape the depressing nature of and lack of opportunity in this small town.  Any practical or emotional advice is greatly appreciated -  helpful mindsets for someone who wants to move, what types of work might meet my criteria, good types of jobs to look into, big cities which might have the most opportunites for someone like me (not necessarily in California) etc etc.  It's just too depressing and lame living in this shithole when I know I'm capable of epic greatness - and I've made the firm resolve not to smoke weed or get drunk anymore to distract myself from that lameness, hence my post here.  I know there are some awesome individuals on these boards, and I know I'll at least gain something valuable from coming here with my predicament.

I'm seeing a fantastic therapist, but I feel like I'm more limited by my surroundings than by my own shortcomings/defenses, and he agrees.  I feel emotionally ready to make BIG moves, but I feel my current environment is too limited to allow me that option. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of options there are, but I don't want to allow that to paralyze me and serve as an excuse not to leave this place.Cheers everyone and thanks for reading!   Andrew

[Wesley]

I am currently working on a similar plan to move to a big city and here is what I found helpful, though there certainly could be better advice out there from other people.

For me, the biggest thing was to plan things out as to the steps I wanted to take. When I thought in abstraction that I would move eventually or do things at some point, then it kind of took forever for me to get around to it.

Once I sat down and calculated out how much money I needed for a car, home furnishings, how much of a safety net I would want for like 2 moths or so expenses in case things dont work out at my job. Now I have an exact list and number I am trying to achieve so it is much more straight forward when everything can go down.When I hit the number I need, then everything excecutes and I am gone.

If entreprenuership or un-jobbing is your fancy I know Dayna Martin does some talks along those lines. However, you may just be trying to get whatever you can and I do not know you well enough to be able to suggest a field or job or anything like that.

Best of luck on your transistion!

[Andersfilosof]

 

I am currently working on a similar plan to move to a big city and here is what I found helpful, though there certainly could be better advice out there from other people.

For me, the biggest thing was to plan things out as to the steps I wanted to take. When I thought in abstraction that I would move eventually or do things at some point, then it kind of took forever for me to get around to it.

Once I sat down and calculated out how much money I needed for a car, home furnishings, how much of a safety net I would want for like 2 moths or so expenses in case things dont work out at my job. Now I have an exact list and number I am trying to achieve so it is much more straight forward when everything can go down.When I hit the number I need, then everything excecutes and I am gone.

If entreprenuership or un-jobbing is your fancy I know Dayna Martin does some talks along those lines. However, you may just be trying to get whatever you can and I do not know you well enough to be able to suggest a field or job or anything like that.

Best of luck on your transistion!

 

 

Thanks Jeremie!  I've done quality control at a cooling company before - a place that cooled pallets of fruits and vegetables, I've also worked retail, but other than that I don't have any special skills.  I could potentially learn some sort of entrepreneur skill, (and I know this is an excuse) but there's no culture of entrepreneurship here - no people I could seek out as mentors, or people who would hold me accountable for sticking with it other than my therapist, and there's not really any way that I know of to reward myself for working hard here that doesn't involve eating junk food or taking drugs.  So what I've done in the past is work on my songwriting because that's the only fun thing I do which I have complete control over and don't need anyone else to do, but it's gotten to the point where it's no longer exciting.  I'm desperate to meet people on somewhat of my same wave-length, but they're pretty much all either in college or left this town as soon as they got the chance.  In my head, it's like "You're using your environment as an excuse not to grow" but at the same time, I'm well aware how much lacking like-minded friends just makes everything so much harder.  In a way, I'm almost angry that I have all these high-expectations for myself because in the short-term it'd be so much easier to be like the majority of the people here who've essentially (unconciously) resigned themselves to a life of mediocrity.

[Wesley]

Thanks Jeremie!

Not a big deal and I'm not offended, but I just thought I would let you know that my name isn't Jeremie. It is Wesley. I've had awkward situations in the past where people waited a long time to correct that I was calling them the wrong name on accident, and it seems that the longer one waits, the worse it can get.

no people I could seek out as mentors

I did point out Dayna Martin as a possibility here, though I have not talked with her before, shes seems like a pretty awesome person. There likely are others who make themselves available if you look in to this.

here's not really any way that I know of to reward myself for working hard here that doesn't involve eating junk food or taking drugs

This can be difficult. Learning delaying gratification for several months into the future as opposed to quick rewards like food or drugs immediately after can be a difficult skill to learn. All of the good things take delaying gratification. Building a business,
educating oneself in a skill, saving money to move away, working on self knowledge, becoming stronger physically and/or eating healthier, stopping addiction are
all about learning this skill. I do not have experience trying to grow in this area, so you may want to talk with someone who does, or I'm sure there is a couple podcasts on the topic.

 

[tasmlab]

I did this, essentially.  When I was 22 and living in the shit town of Kalamazoo MI I had just got my degree in Watercolor painting and acting from a third tier state school.

A friend and I decided to move to Boston to find bigger and better things, among them, find jobs in a bigger market, meet musicians (I'm a hobby player/composer), and meet new and smart people.

This was in 1993, so there wasn't an internet to conduct a job search.  I did get the paper and sent resumes.

We came with only what could fit in the back of a pick-up truck - no furniture, just some clothes, blanket, a boom box, and a microwave (oddly).

We had $2,200 between the two of us!

I'd like to say we had an elborate plan, but really the thing that made it work was that there was no material cost of failure. If it didn't work, we would just have to turn around, at worst, and go back to Kalamazoo with nothing.  Essentially end up just like we started.

The urgency of making it work also helped.  We lived in a cheap hotel and ate microwave burritos for a week.  Found jobs just to fund being there and rented a tiny apartment - we made all of these decisions knowing we were just "making it work" and that once we got our bearings there would be time to find a better job, better apartment, etc.

It was a blast!  Everything worked out.  Mets tons of people.  My music carreer didn't happen (I'm a hobbyist now), but I had a totally fun band that got to play all the small clubs, and we both eventually built professional carreers unimagined in the small shitty town.  There's so much more economic activity and serious business in a big city that you can really advance a carreer quickly.  I was earning low six figures by the age of 29.

It comes down to this: If you don't do it, don't take the chance, there's a 100% chance you will fail moving to a big city.

If I were to do it again (pretend I'm young again too) I would spend the next month learning Microsoft Office and maybe design software or a database program (pick one, or neither).  I would then send resumes to temp staffing firms (contigency agencies that place administrative staff into companies temporarily needing help, like when their secretaries go on maternal leave).  Talk to them on the phone, they always want to build their database, and let them know your target arrival date.  You'll get a good sense if you'll have job coverage when you arrive.  Plus, you'll get to see what working in the city is like and may even make some contacts.

If you can, acquire a suit for job interviews.  Try to look normal, clean cut, serious.  Just pretend even if your not.  You get your hair reshaved into a mohawk after you get your bearings.  If the office doesn't jazz you than your urban job options will probably be in the service industry.

If you can scout ahead try to find an apartment by neighborhoods.  Look for student ghettos.

The toughest obstacle/biggest expense is probably the first month at the new apartment, because the rents will shock you in the city and you may have to pay first, last, security and finder fee if you use a realtor.  This hit us hard, and I did have to plea to my mother to borrow another $800 or so at the time to get through this.

[ribuck]

A big city has so much more to offer to anyone who doesn't just want to be one of the sheeple. I think going to a big city is a great move for a person in your situation. This doesn't mean that the transition will be easy.

Having some savings is a good start, but getting work (or some other regular income) is the key. If it were me, I'd start by accepting almost any type of job, and would rent the smallest possible place (probably a room in a shared house, rather than an apartment). Once you have a positive cash flow, you can make friends and start discovering what the city has to offer. You can improve your job, and upgrade your accommodation, after you settle into the city and start to reap its benefits.

Jake (of The Voluntary Life) did a great podcast about city life, entitled City Air Makes You Free.

[tasmlab]

I just want to add that I would highly recommend doing the city while you are young e.g., before your carreer is too engrained, before you have a family, etc.

It's so much easier when you have so little to lose, the city life best suits all that great stuff (meeting people, jamming music, talking philosophy, etc.), and many tire of being poor and urban as they get older and prefer to have a backyard for their kids and such.

[Rob_Ilir]

Good luck to you, and as a philosopher you will benefit more from it. A lot more places to find people with true selfs, even tho most only hold it from 8-5. 

[Andersfilosof]

Thanks for the responses everyone, and sorry about the mistaken name Wesley, I accidentally mixed and matched names with another guy on here.  Tasmlab, your post really helps as well, I'd never thought of doing the temp secretarial work, and I'm already fairly good with computers and can type pretty fast so that sounds like a good start. Ribuck, thanks for the introduction to that podcast too, it's helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

[Andersfilosof]

 

no people I could seek out as mentors

I did point out Dayna Martin as a possibility here, though I have not talked with her before, shes seems like a pretty awesome person. There likely are others who make themselves available if you look in to this.

 

You're right, I sort of glossed over the possibility of simply seeking out people online.

[tasmlab]

Something else to consider; your family and friends might be supportive of your move, but expect many to take a dump all over it, tell you that you're crazy, stupid, wreckless, etc.  Some out of fear/concern, others jealous of your gumption.

When my friend and I were leaving, my parents (recently divorced) took us out to dinner to send us off and my dad slipped me $300 for gas money.  

When we left my friend's house, his dad chewed us out for an hour, telling us we were stupid, said we couldn't possibly make it, told us we had no plan, and generally forbade us from going.  He soon after contacted family members of his in Massachusetts and instructed them to NOT let us stay with them under any circumstances to make sure our move would be sabotaged if we needed to call them.  It was awful!

 

[Wesley]

sorry about the mistaken name Wesley, I accidentally mixed and matched names with another guy on here

No problem, I know who it is and we contacted you around the same time about the same topic, so it would be easy to mix us up. I am glad you are finding some answers and becoming more comfortable with this seemingly daunting prospect. I hope you find what you are looking for!

[tasmlab]

This thread keeps stirring up memories of my city move.

 

Here's another thing I never would've guessed coming from the small rural town:  In Boston (and I would assume other big cities) it is totally common to find a roomate situation with strangers.  Back then it was through the classifieds in the entertainment weekly but I'm sure it's on Craigslist or similar now.  I actually met my wife (of 15 years now) through a roomate ad in the paper.

As you review/pick cities, go ahead and look on Craigslist for opportunities and rents.  You'll also avoid a lot of the first month expenses.

Also, in many cities owning a car is a total liability, so factor that into your planning too.

[Andersfilosof]

 

This thread keeps stirring up memories of my city move.

 

Here's another thing I never would've guessed coming from the small rural town:  In Boston (and I would assume other big cities) it is totally common to find a roomate situation with strangers.  Back then it was through the classifieds in the entertainment weekly but I'm sure it's on Craigslist or similar now.  I actually met my wife (of 15 years now) through a roomate ad in the paper.

As you review/pick cities, go ahead and look on Craigslist for opportunities and rents.  You'll also avoid a lot of the first month expenses.

Also, in many cities owning a car is a total liability, so factor that into your planning too.

 

 

I had one experience rooming with strangers from Craiglist that wasn't very good, but it was more due to my working night shift and them working days than them being bad people.  I always hear the east coast US has much better public transport so that would make that part of the equation easier - though the idea of moving cross-country is quite a bit more daunting I shouldn't take that off the list of options.  Do you have any suggestions of what I should research about the prospective cities I'm thinking about, other than weather, and living costs?  Obviously it would be ideal to visit the place before deciding to move there, just to get a feel for the city, but at this point that's only really an option for me for cities on the west coast, and probably just California.  Thanks again!

[tasmlab]

Reading your first post, I would look for a city with:

 - Intelligent and exciting culture

 - Young people

 - A good professional economy

 - A music scene

 

1, 2, and 4 probably means somewhere with a lot of colleges.

My top west coast options would be San Diego, San Francisco, Portland OR, and Seattle.

A huge portion of my musician college friends moved to Portland and love it.  Lot's of music and it's the beer capital of the US.  Nice weather. I haven't been, but did live in OR for a while inland and it was very nice.

Reportedly, Seattle has all of the characteristics listed above. Historically a big music scene (although I'd be they all whine about the old days)  Haven't been.

San fransisco is a delight, I've been as a tourist.  My tech friends though say it is cripplingly expensive  They report of having millionairre friends who can barely afford apartments in the run down parts of town.  There must be a way to make it work though, obviously their bell hops and dishwashers must somehow live there.

Been to San diego once and it was nice.  The metro is tiny it seems. Don't know much about it.

I lived in LA for about six months.  It's sprawling and doesn't have much of anything I listed above.  There's pockets that don't suck, but I'd steer clear.

Spent a day in Denver.  The city part seemed sleepy and barren to me.

Las Vegas is for retirees and partiers, I've heard.  And there's just the one industry of vacation/gambling. 

I know this isn't much information, but you have the whole internet at your disposal!

[ribuck]

 

Reading your first post, I would look for a city with:

 - Intelligent and exciting culture

 - Young people

 - A good professional economy

 - A music scene

To that list, I'd add "an outdoor lifestyle". People tend to be much more outgoing and friendly in a place where people spend time at the park, at the beach, walking, at barbecues, etc.