When Children Misbehave

[LovePrevails]

[MysterionMuffles]

At an age of language acquisition, I can see how this can be very very helpful. I am excited to actually put this all into practice when my neice learns how to speak, but she can't yet.

 

How could I possibly apply these principles to a toddler who hasn't learned how to speak yet?

 

The best I can do so far to deal with "misbehaving" was this one time she was pulling DVD's out of a shelf very recklessly, and throwing them onto the floor behind her. I stopped her and showed her how to place them down gently in a neat stack, and she quickly learned how to stop throwing them and instead trying to place them as straight as possible.

 

But of course there are times where she wants something she shouldn't have like sharp utensils, and she won't stop crying for them.

[LovePrevails]

I had this article published

 

 

http://www.sacredpregnancy.com/conscious-parenting/when-children-misbehave/

 

[Carl Green]

I'm getting an error message in the 3rd minute. anyone else having this problem?

[ribuck]

... there are times where she wants something she shouldn't have like sharp utensils, and she won't stop crying for them.

 

There was a time when our daughter, then a toddler, was desperate to have a sharp knife she'd seen us using. So we got a knife and an apple, and sat down with her. I find that sitting with my head at the same level as hers often calms her. Then we showed her how we peel an apple, and let her have a try. There were a few "ouch" moments, but no blood drawn, before she realised that using a knife is hard work and not actually that much fun.

 

We assured her that using a knife would become much easier as she grew older, and she lost her interest in knives for years after that.

[dsayers]

ribuck, I liked the way you handled that difficult situation. I'm big on how parents model behavior for their children, so when I read your story, I wondered if maybe it should serve as a warning to other parents to not allow their children to see them using a knife? That never would've occurred to me had you not shared that, so thank you. I guess to generalize, we could say to never engage in behavior in front of the child that you're not prepared to deal with them wanting to explore. Which is obvious in terms of things like smoking and swearing, but not so much with things like handling knives.

 

@topic: I really despise the word misbehave. It strikes me as arrogant; It frames the conversation as if the parent is automatically right for no reason other than they're the parent. Which I feel makes them automatically wrong since the environment and experiences of the child is something they are responsible for providing.

 

For a clearer understanding of how warped that word is, just reflect upon how we do not use it in regards to anybody except those who cannot fight back. We never say that a serial killer "misbehaves" even though I can hardly imagine a more legitimate use of the term.

[ribuck]

Dsayers, I agree with you about disliking the word "misbehave". I try to think of everything children do as "behavior", whether they're doing something I like or something I don't like.

 

Good point about not letting children see certain things. Children are wired to imitate. If you don't want children to imitate something, don't show it to them.

[alexqr1]

I find that sitting with my head at the same level as hers often calms her.

This is one of the easiest things parents don't do enough and could prevent a lot of frustration from both parents and children.

Then we showed her how we peel an apple, and let her have a try.

And this is another one. If my son wants it really bad, then I try as much as I can to let him do it. Not only does this help resolve the issue but also creates a certain trust so that when I've had to tell my kid definetely not to do something he tends to understand. I think it is because he know if it were possible, I'd try my best to let him do it.And then another thing that works for my wife, my son and me is negotiation. I think there is a line to be drawn between negotiation and bribing, and the the better the parents get at drawing that line in the right place, the better the relationship with the kid will be.