Urgent! Need link to Podcast/Video on Parental Emotional Abuse

[MCM]

A friend of mine who  has revealed her background relating to emotional abuse from her mother. She would just like to tell her mother to "fuck off" but can't. I have suggested listening to Stefan and promised her a suitable link. However I've hunted everywhere on FDR but can't locate the precise information she needs to begin with to understand what is going on. Any suggestions.

[Mike Fleming]

Hi,

 

I noticed Stef has put a new video but thought I'd chime in on this issue.

 

I have an emotionally abusive mother.  Basically, my entire life she has been attacking me for my faults.  She doesn't swear, shout (well, not much) , call names or anything like that.  It is far more insidious.  She uses her intimate knowledge of me and my brother as ways of attacking us and putting us down.  Making us feel inadequate.  Of course to an outsider that sees one of these incidents by themselves, it is seen as no big deal.  But cumulatively it really builds up inside you.  I was in denial for years as an adult before I finally started to accept it in my late 20's.   In the meantime of course, when you don't deal with it, it does all kind of damage to your life.  My brother has coped with it even less well than I have and now has virtually lost the will to live after suffering attack after attack.   He drinks and smokes his days away now.  The guilt that is foisted upon you for not wanting to take part in family gathering's and not basically be a punching bag comes not just from them but from society as a whole.

 

Now in my late 30's, I'm in the process now of telling them, finally to "fuck off" once and for all.   You have to accept in your mind that it's abuse and also that this is what these people are like.  They don't change and they'll ruin your life if you let them.   I only need to look at the wreckage of my mother's extended family, all divorced, mostly everyone hates each other and doesn't talk to each other or their children to see what can happen. 

 

Don't know if that helps or not but maternal emotional abuse is an issue that strikes deep with me.

[MCM]

Hi,

 

Now in my late 30's, I'm in the process now of telling them, finally to "fuck off" once and for all....Don't know if that helps or not but maternal emotional abuse is an issue that strikes deep with me.

 

 

 

Thanks for replying. I too have had an abusive mother and my one regret is that I did not tell her to "fuck off' before she died.  Glad to hear that you are in process now--I sort of envy you.

 

My friend has not revealed any details of her abusive mother and she has not got all the underlying background stuff we have gained and learned from Stefan, so it's hard to know where to start to help my friend. 

 

The details you gave about the toll its taken on you and your brother is just another testimony to the trauma such abusive treatment causes. But what worries me is how WE are unknowingly abusive sometimes because of our conditioning. Do you ever worry about that?

[gwho]

i can't remember exactly either, but i recently started listening, and so i'm familiar with the earlier podcasts.try

#238 (false forgiveness will destroy your joy)

#109-112, (but my parents were really nice!)

#196-198 (parenting series)

#70,71 (how to control/enslave a human soul - the invisible apple story)

#89-92 (the state and the family series)

[MCM]

#109-112, (but my parents were really nice!)

 

 

I've started her with this series part 1-4. I'm looking through call shows too because here Stefan really gets more in depth. I need something specifically on de-fooing. 

[Pepin]

I feel like you are pushing her a little much.

[MCM]

I feel like you are pushing her a little much.

 

I really don't know if this is the case. She is a friend that I haven't seen for 10 years. Our only contact these days is on facebook.  Her mother is highly abusive...she needs to understand the emotions that are keeping her exposed to more abuse. What do you suggest?