MysterionMuffles Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Hello again! So I finally got to sit down and have a chat with the "Man Hopper" I mentioned in this original topic, and by golly am I surprised at how it turned out. From the very first week I grew frustrated about her, I wanted to have this conversation for the sake of philosophically winning over her lack of reasoning (which would ironically be anti-philosophy I think). Like I intended for it to be my way of defriending her very harshly and officially, but over time I started to think of it as an opportunity to grow. A chance to have an open and honest discussion about what's been going on between us and seperately. When I thought there was only a 20% chance of our friendship growing, I didn't expect it to be the outcome I received. Anyways, I want to keep this as short as possible, so I want to briefly touch on the things I've learned and how VALUABLE AND GREAT REAL-TIME RELATING REALLY IS!!! RTR was my main weapon in this and that prevented me from being a judgemental, over bearing disapprover like this woman's parents. Which is of course the stem of her dysfunction. Her parents are very hard to please, she feels unlovable, so it's pretty obvious that she can only seek love through these men she gets into relationships with. That much is simple, and so is the next point, but just wasn't an easy idea for her to ever realize. Her lack of self worth derives from her parents, yes, because they are over protective and disapprove of everything she does. When I would judge her about her romantic choices, I just became another parent and she was honest with me for once saying that it frustrated her when I got into lecture mode about--well just about anything that had to do loving your self first. She knew that intellectually...but it's something she didn't really take into full account until today. For you see, I told her that I felt like she lead me on. I opened up about how when she first broke up with her previous boyfriend, that there was a week or so where I felt like I wanted to tell her that I MIGHT like her, and that we should spend more time together to see if our friendship can be anything more. I held back on doing so because I didn't want to enable her man hopping habit, but she enacted it anyway with the guy she's with now, and for me that stung. Even though I wanted to spark that with her only out of convenience and proximity...it still hurt. Then she told me that if there was a time in the future where she fully loved her self (so glad she was on the right track during this!) because she doesn't right now, and we were both single and we were still friends, she would give us a shot. Because on her side of things, she admitted that she was also attracted to me during that period but felt unworthy of me because of my philosophical insight. She felt like she could never add up to my level headedness, and I admitted that I could never add up to her sexual experience. It was just a very mutually levelling experience to see what we feared in each other and why we wanted so desparately to keep our friendship strictly platonic. We both resisted the change for our own reasons. For her it was lack of worth being with someone of my emotional intelligence, which she was right about because I KNOW myself enough to know that I would feel insecure to be in a relationship with someone with that habit. I would have to constantly be trying to please her to ensure she doesn't find a fall back guy. For me it was my fear of not being sexually sufficient enough for her (since I've never had sex, but she's had plenty) and of course of the innate jealousy that I have. I'm more mature about it now, but it doesn't make it go away. ANYWAYS I broke my promise and made this very long. I just wanted to share the basics of what happened. There is so much more about it that I can't even verbalize right now because I am just so greatful and happy how understanding we were to each other. And of course how awesome RTRing really was! So like I said, it was no longer about letting her go as a friend harshly, but she suggested that I take my time to digest this all, do my own thing, and contact her again when I'm ready. She knew exactly what I needed when I couldn't even state my own preference at the end of the conversation. I am just really happy that I know my input made an impact on her for once. Thanks for reading and feel free to add your input or ask me anything else about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soren Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I am by no means an expert on anything concerning love and relations ships and I feel anxious about commenting on a conversation I didn't witness but this line caught my attention: "Then she told me that if there was a time in the future where she fully loved her self (so glad she was on the right track during this!) because she doesn't right now, and we were both single and we were still friends, she would give us a shot." This seem to me like she is stringing you along for some reason. And raises some questions for me. What does it mean to fully love her self? Why is she considering a relationship with you while being in another? Seems like a pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow kind of comment. Also I don't understand this line: "So like I said, it was no longer about letting her go as a friend harshly, but she suggested that I take my time to digest this all, do my own thing, and contact her again when I'm ready" What does this mean to you? What do you need to get ready for? Soren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Well the whole thing has been very heavy on me and I feel greater that I got a chance to have this RTR. What I need to be ready for is to re engage in this friendship if I ever feel the need to. She let me off the hook to basically unfriend her for as long as I need to. That might be forever unless one day she'll feel compelled to contact me, in which case I'll be open to it. I dont know if I my self will ever be willing to refriend her but for now I need the distance to cool off. As for loving the self in this context means accepting herself, her habits, her need to change some of those habits, her need for courage and her nerd for integrity--all of which she doesnt feel she possess. I cant speak for her on that but I can agree lol. Since Im all about self love first before external love, she expressed to me that she doesnt have enough of that to be compatible with me. That she needs to achieve a "perfect self" in order to be with me. I argued theres no such thing but there is at least a well known self that which was what she really meant in that regard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soren Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Sorry, I forgot to say that I am glad you had a good RTR experience. But what you are writing now is confusing for me because I did not get the understanding from your text, that you had put your relationship on hold, to me it seemed rather like you had continued it. And now you say the she should contact you where before you said that, you should contact her. I am not trying to catch you here I am just trying to understand because your posts seem contraindicative to me. Soren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 Simply put; we can resume our friendship if I so choose to in the future. After this kind of openness I feel more confident about seeking out available and hopefully more virtuous women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soren Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Okay sounds like a nice feeling. Soren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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