LovePrevails Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Some have spoken of one of the challenges of being a peaceful parent, which is the hurt in giving something that you were never given, but this pain has its reward. The reward of being a peaceful parent is having close at hand an individual who is a world-leading expert, who will teach you to see the world through the eyes of someone who has never been hit, threatened, screamed at, humiliated or punished for being honest or thinking rationally. Not many people get that kind of teacher, one that will be a true aid in your lifelong quest of self-knowledge. The strange habits they will have sight for, which slip under your own radar, because they will have not had their ability to see clearly hampered. Just imagine when they are old enough to say "momma... daddy... why do you do such-and-such... how come you do so-and-so..." And you can respond, "hmmm, I never thought of it... thanks for pointing it out." They will be the true doctors and healers of the world, and we will be their first patients.
Marc Moini Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 A few days ago my 13 year old son asked me to take a look at a music video he had been playing over and over, because he wanted me to see the dancing in it.Stromae - PapaoutaiEven though I had heard the song many times since when he started playing it, watching it made me notice the lyrics in a new way and I found myself overcome by emotion, with tears streaming down my cheeks as I realized that I had really missed not having someone I could rely on to guide me and answer at least some of my questions about life, when I was growing up and especially after I turned 14 and my dad wasn't there anymore (due to external circumstances; I saw him a few times after that, and we had been writing each other from time to time until he passed away about 10 years ago).I doubt he could have provided me with much understanding, he worked for the city government as an architect and he held many traditional views, but it looks like I missed him anyway, although I don't remember feeling any loss. In the song they keep asking "where are you Daddy, where are you?" and showing a child trying to interact with a lifeless dummy. I guess just now that what brought me to tears was not that my dad wasn't there from 14 on but that in the years before, although present physically he was emotionally absent from my life, I had no real connection with him. At the time I didn't feel understood by my mother either, but I do have a good connection with her now, after having gone through a lot of self-work and especially as I've been learning NonViolent Communication.This lack of emotional support from my dad was revealed to me even more strongly while watching this video because I was watching it with my son, who keeps singing mostly another part of the song, the one that says "without even needing to tell him, he knows what's going wrong". I believe I have a great connection with my son and that he gets all the support he needs from me (I keep asking him for feedback on what I do), and this just makes the contrast with what I didn't have that much stronger. I'm glad I can give him what I myself didn't have, I guess that was part of my emotion as well. So I think I'm already living what you describe, Antony, and I wanted to give an example of the pain you mention, which to me feels like a welcome pain that brings its own relief. I also want to point out another hopeful thought, that it is possible to stand some amount of abuse, this is not an all-or-nothing alternative, my son goes to public school (not my choice) and he is often punished there for thinking rationally but he is strong enough mentally to understand that he is not at fault and to not let that affect the fun he has with his friends there. (And I believe I've recovered myself as well, in most part, from receiving far more abuse than my son.) I've translated the lyrics here: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/papaoutai-where-are-you-daddy.html#songtranslation
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