PhilipJ Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Book link Excellent, concise book on what masculinity is and what it means to be good at being a man. It has really helped me appreciate the value of my own masculinity and how to embrace it and why I should. Here's a blog post from the author's website where it includes a recording of a presentation that covers a few of the topics from the book.
PatrickC Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Definitely challenging in some of the most difficult areas culturally. This chap certainly doesn't pull his punches. but some of his ideas will make you stand up and take a long pause for thought. I also found myself going, 'no way!', 'get out of here!'... Only to find when I read further, that I had totally misunderstood him.
PhilipJ Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 I had similar moments. I would like to read it again. Particular moments that got my back up were when he argued positively for male aggression and male violence, saying they are natural and good. I felt at the time what he was saying ran counter to my values - but as I continued to read I don't think he uses the word "violence" in the same way as I interpreted it. My sense is that he is not encouraging violating the N.A.P., or that hurting people is a virtue, but that male aggression is a resource of immense value, enabling men to test physical and mental boundaries, challenge a status quo, and defend his tribe. That point runs counter to mainstream messages about masculinity and male aggression which demonize it, and have made me feel ashamed of my maleness, and encouraged a warped pursuit of "femininity" in myself to gain acceptance. After reading his book I am convinced I can only benefit, as can the members of my "tribe", if I choose to embrace my masculinity and channel it in service of myself. The transformation, for me, feels a bit like releasing it from an "Area 51" lockdown facility internally, where it's been regarded as unstable/dangerous/bad, and allowing it to be a loyal servant (much like converting a rogue protector into an ally in IFS).
Kevin Beal Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 The recording of the presentation was awesome! I love the uncompromising model of masculinity he's presenting. It also helps the way you (Phil) make the distinction there about violating the NAP and what he's actually saying. I also grew up feeling ashamed and was told that male virtue is in being more "feminine". More recently those sentiments are met by me with resentment or acute sickness. It's actually quite a malevolent thing, I think. It's hard to find voices on masculinity that I can take seriously. Almost everyone it seems has castrating ideas about what it means to be a man, castrated by becoming some sort of manly woman, or through suppression and denial. So in that light, I really appreciate the metaphor you made about the rogue protector. It resonates a lot for me. I've added the book to my Amazon cart. I look forward to reading it. Thanks for posting!
Kevin Beal Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Also this podcast (Anti-Masculinity p1) by Stef is really good. It's probably the first time I'd heard anything like it. When listening to different people about masculinity I've been checking out a lot of the men's rights stuff out there. It's pretty hit and miss with men's rights stuff though, and that's really interesting to me just how much this topic of masculinity is so uncharted (or is it just me?). It's kind of cool to think about how I relate to my own masculinity because I kind of get the sense that most people don't really think about it as much as they just kind of accept the propaganda they've been fed about it. It would be awesome, I think, if the topic of masculinity were talked about more, either on the show or on the boards.
PatrickC Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 When listening to different people about masculinity I've been checking out a lot of the men's rights stuff out there. It's pretty hit and miss with men's rights stuff though, and that's really interesting to me just how much this topic of masculinity is so uncharted (or is it just me?). It's kind of cool to think about how I relate to my own masculinity because I kind of get the sense that most people don't really think about it as much as they just kind of accept the propaganda they've been fed about it. Yes, I think masculinity touches on an area of great fascination for us men, but I've found myself reticent to discuss it much because it just seems to be such a culturally taboo topic. I liked Phil's analogy of describing it as being in 'Area 51' lockdown. An area that has been left untouched for some time, considered as potentially volatile but now forgotten by many.and actively dismissed by a vocal few. We venture at our own risk it is presumed. This is what makes it an exciting challenge for me, in much the way Stef describes those little boys that challenge their mothers authority. It is something to be explored and understood better and perhaps to be embraced more fully. Jack is a new thinker for me and like Stef and Karen (GWW) have been enormously important thinkers that have changed my world view irrevocably. Like you, I have found that I have come to the end of my journey with men's rights. Not necessarily entirely, but I am quite selective about those advocates I listen to these days. I look forward to the processing of Jack's ideas a lot more over the coming weeks and months, whose ideas are fresh, exciting and new for me. I also look forward to some well reasoned criticism about those ideas as well.
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