newshoes Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Hi, I am a new member. I would really appreciate any feedback and suggestions re other relevant podcasts or readings available on the site. I made mistakes as a parent and am looking for how to go beyond, “I’m sorry” with my son, (in his mid-twenties & a long term Freedomain member) and build a better relationship. I have listened to Real time Relationships and the podcast ‘Advice for Parents with Regrets’ and this was helpful. I have begun a process where I apologise and admit my mistakes, take ownership, and give honest and frank explanations without justifications. I have blind spots, I know, and am fumbling a lot with how to have these dialogues with him. My son said he’s struggling to maintain a relationship with me. I know ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, and ultimately it’s up to him if he chooses to accept my apologies and have me in his life. But I want to keep learning and trying!
Stephen C Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 This is a brave post, congratulations. I'm glad to hear you are learning and trying to heal the relationship you have with your son, that's not easy and I think it's wonderful. I think it would be beneficial to make a commitment to weekly therapy sessions for the next several years with a quality therapist that will help you compassionately explore yourself and your history. As strange as it sounds, I think healing the relationship you have with your son has little to nothing to do with your son. I suggest leaving him out of the equation. I hope this makes some sense. I wish you the very best on your journey.
newshoes Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I have started the therapy process and begun to explore issues. Yes...increasing my insight into my own behaviour and past will help. My son wishes to continue talking to me about the past and we are working through a number of issues that have arisen. If you have any other suggestions about how a parent might work through the healing process with an adult son then please let me know.
Stephen C Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Congratulations, Newshoes. I hope you're able to get everything you want out of your therapy sessions.
fer Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I know ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, and ultimately it’s up to him if he chooses to accept my apologies and have me in his life. Going to be nit-picky here but it sounds like you are putting the onus on him, his forgiveness depends on you. Kudos on what you are doing, very few parents even think about going through this process.
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