Desire for age similarity in relationships

[Kody Palmer]

Okay thanks for the explanations you guys convinced me and I'm over it now.

[MysterionMuffles]

Closure in philosophy is rare, so glad to have helped!

[Coreforcruxes]

It seems like this topic has reached some closure but I'd like to share my recent experience where a 16 year old pursued me (I am 29) and what I learned from that experience.In the end I completely understood the inappropriateness of us entertaining a relationship, I was in far too much of a position of power over her. She took my will toward (not necessarily success at) integrity and virtue as a safety net and in some ways a challenge. Boundaries and concerns I shared made no difference, I tried too hard to have my cake and eat it to. The extra effort in my life it took to juggle a morally risky situation was reason enough of why it should have failed a cost benefit analysis.

 

I feel safe in saying it was immoral in the sense that It was obviously a non-optimal choice for myself and whats worse I could have hurt another person or myself.

 

The greatest lesson I feel I got from the situation was a new perspective on the laws in society. It has often perplexpled me how Stefan would refer to laws on the books as though they bore some kind of moral information in any way.but I think I get it now...Society has its foundations in philosophy, when standards of virtue are raised, its due to the toil and labor of philosophers. Being the professional sophists that they are, politicians see the virtue in what philsophers describe and claim it as there own with one fundamental exception, the ability to force compliance. In this way some of the laws we have can be tapped for hints of virtue as long as one can see past the sophistication.In this circumstance society has declared that 29 year old men should not have sex with 16 year old girls and I think that their recommendation is sound even if their method is evil. Its not a matter of absolute proof imo its one of what is the safe bet, or what is the practical choice sans proof. I think its safe to say that if a 16 year old girl sleeps with a 30 year old man the odds are more likley that the net result in the long run will be poor for one or both.Just to reiterate, the big, big thing to focus on here was the disparity of power, I think that is a great quick test for whether a romantic relationship is healthy or not.

[tasmlab]

My wife is 27 years older than me. When I was 22 and she was 49 is wasn't a big deal, plus she couldn't have kids, and I didn't want kids, so that was a guarantee.Aside from some other issues, the age thing is starting to be a problem, now that I am 37 and she is 64. She has a lot of medical problems, so I spend a lot of $ on that, which may or may not occur with younger people. She doesn't care about traveling anymore, and would rather stay home. She has the baby boomer views on everything and she really won't even consider libertarianism much less anarchism.I would warn someone to think before they married and older person. Oh, and the won't change. I thought my wife would quit drinking, but she hasn't. She drinks, smokes right and left handed cigarettes and takes lots of prescription drugs, everyday, so you've been warned.

 

Not to be morbid, but if she has a lot of medical problems, smokes, etc., you may get another go around while you are still youngish.  Even have kids perhaps.

[Steff Prax]

I'm 42 and my girl-friend/fiance is 51.  I think I've always had a maturity level about 10 years older than I really am, so it works perfect.  My attraction to young women stops in the instant I consider their capacity for intelligence and moral behavior.   Similarity in principles, interests, and philosophies is what will really make the relationship strong, and finding an attractive young lady under the age of 30 that isn't a Statist/Socialist moron is a rare find indeed.  I adore and respect my kitten more than anyone I've ever met.  Her willingness to be freakier than any chickie in her 20's is a huge plus too!   I suppose she's more of a cougar than a kitten.   lol

[Guest Exceptionalist]

I used to think that any age gap relationship is okay as long as the younger party has gone through puberty and that the older person isn't merely exploiting their naivity for sex. Also, if the younger person isn't just exploiting the older person for resources. Right? It's like the whole Lolita dynamic, where you think the older man (to take the generalization) is the predator, but it turns out that the young woman in question has the capacity to control him too. She knows it's dangerous for him to be in this relationship, so if he ever acts out of line, she can always get him arrested so he is forced to be as gentle manly as possible.

 

 

Chick empowered by leviathan. I would never date such a vicious young teen, who tends to be a manipulative exploiter. To call a sexist prejudice of society a generalization is like calling spanking correction of behaviour. While sugar daddy is deemed an exploitive predator, sugar mommy is dating a young boy for pleasure, which is looked upon as acceptable.

 

Sex is mutual pleasurable, so in a non-coecive way, there could be no exploitation, while blackmailing for financial support is a more serious issue.

[MysterionMuffles]

No it's not comparable to calling spanking correction. I know there was also a really hot blonde female teacher who took advantage of a 14 year old boy. I said generalization because it usually is the men who prey on young girls, so I just went with the statistical norm. I remember a South Park episode where they made fun of it making like a pride thing for young boys to get sexually exploited by older females, but I don't think that makes it completely acceptable. Even Dr. Phil shamed the hell out of an older woman who got pregnant by a younger boy. 

[kalmia]

Not to be morbid, but if she has a lot of medical problems, smokes, etc., you may get another go around while you are still youngish.  Even have kids perhaps.

Then he can find himself someone 27 years younger.

[Guest Exceptionalist]

The way I understood this was that, indeed women are biologically most attractive at 16. So, it is natural for men to be attractive to them. However, they are not fully psychologically developed. Therefore, they can’t rationally be expected to enter a relationship with a more mature mate on equal terms.  This is one of the examples of where biology and ethics diverge. Just because you want something, does not mean you should do it.  Same goes for Stef’s cake example – your body desires cake, but you really should control yourself.

 

 

You decide whether you should or shouldn't do something and cake isn't bad, the amount of intake might be, on a regular basis. There is no cognitive difference between a 16 and a 18 years old chick, due to brain development. The brain development ends in the 20ies. Don't confuse experience with maturity. I knew a 17 year old guy who was more mature than most of the guys in their 20ies. That was shocking.

 

No it's not comparable to calling spanking correction. I know there was also a really hot blonde female teacher who took advantage of a 14 year old boy.

 

 

Child molestery is not exactly a valid comparision to teenage girls, who are perfectly able to consent to sexual intercourse. If a female teacher gets away with child molestery, because of the absurd claim that the little boy seduced her, it seems to be somewhat deemed as acceptable, but da truth is, it is immoral due to sexist double standard and the sexual abuse of minors.

[dsayers]

Age isn't maturity isn't intellect.

 

I grew up in a family that was full of drinkers and smokers. They were obnoxious and it turned me off to drinking, smoking, and even the idea that family = necessary. In these ways, I was mature for my age. It wasn't until a year ago that I began studying philosophy and pursuing self-knowledge. In this way, I'm less mature than people who were raised with reason or are studying as an effect of abusive families at half my age, but am more mature than people twice my age who lack self-knowledge.

 

Anecdotal evidence aside, virtue is what matters. If a person can think and is virtuous, I think it would be a very rewarding relationship regardless of age disparity.

[Existing Alternatives]

You decide whether you should or shouldn't do something and cake isn't bad, the amount of intake might be, on a regular basis. There is no cognitive difference between a 16 and a 18 years old chick, due to brain development. The brain development ends in the 20ies. Don't confuse experience with maturity. I knew a 17 year old guy who was more mature than most of the guys in their 20ies. That was shocking.

 

Unlike the cake analogy, in a relationship two people need to decide, and, as a result, both must be able to make a decision.

 

Indeed, there is probably very little difference between a 16- and an 18-y.o. However, the maturity gap between a 16 y.o. girl and a 35 y.o. man is pretty great. But then again, there are exceptions and age itself is not the most reliable predictor of maturity.