The top 12 ways of NOT raising children

[FriendlyHacker]

12 - Teach them about not using violence as means of controlling behavior, by spanking them if they get into a fight.

11 - Show the value of respect and dignity; make sure to threat and humiliate them till they get it right.

10 - Smoking and drinking is strictly forbidden, but your small child can take a sip off your beer and a hit off your cigarette, that's funny as hell!

9 - If the kid misbehaves in school, make a big deal of the teacher's incompetence in educating your children.

8 - Honesty must be enforced, if you find out that your child has stolen a pen, beat her up! It's stupid to steal a pen when she could have taken any one of those you've grabbed from office.

7 - Abuse your position of financial and physical advantage, children must have no say in things and have no need to understand your orders, they are there to do as they are told. As an extra measure, make sure to break their spirit by making them feel helpless, therefore becoming too scared to leave.

6 - Make constant reminders of who pays the bills, you don't have a love and respect relationship to them, what you have is a financial agreement.

5 - Do not educate yourself about how to raise children, being completely responsible for the life of a helpless human is simple, study time is reserved for the hard things in life, such as bagging groceries.

4 - Never spank an old lady, that's completely immoral even if she repeatedly fails to understand you. Small children, on the other hand, are like animals waiting to be tamed, so I guess that's ok.

3 - Make sure your child can only become friends with children of the same religion, social status and skin color you have.

2 - Circumcision is a wonderful thing, it will prevent evil spirits from getting into your child. Remember to call it a circumcision though, because calling it genital mutilation is not socially acceptable.

1 - People don't need a reason to have kids, you can have as many you want! There are 7 billion people in the world, with over 1 billion living in poverty, but your kids will be ok, right?

[Wesley]

This somewhat reminds me of a "Handbook of Human Ownership" for parents. That could be an interesting short book.

[FriendlyHacker]

It's basically a sum of things I've learned from personal experience, and people like Stefan and Jacque Fresco.

 

Kind of a hobby of mine to get a large amount of information and try to fit it into the smallest amount of words possible.

[Gaurav251]

This sounds way to morbidly true and resonating with whats been done to me,

 

I might as well add:-Tell your kids its bad to swear and then scream curse words in the house everday.

 

-Beating up your wife (my mother) in front of your son has no negative consequences and is perfectly okay if you have reasons like 'shes a whore' to tell your 10 year old kid too.

[MysterionMuffles]

Lol this is great satire. I'm gonna post it as a Facebook status.

[LovePrevails]

It's basically a sum of things I've learned from personal experience, and people like Stefan and Jacque Fresco.

 

Kind of a hobby of mine to get a large amount of information and try to fit it into the smallest amount of words possible.

 a good use of time.