A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 My birthday is coming up and as a gift, I was wondering if you would all allow me to post my favorite birthday song? ... It's meant to be deep and brutal like the birthday of every abused child. For me, my birthday signifies"child abuse awareness year." ...Whatever... I'm doing it anyway: "Happy Birthday To Me" by Bright Eyes All eyes on the calendar. Another year, I claim, of total indifference. To here the days pile up, with decisions to be made. I'm sure all of them were wrong. Into this song, I send myself, and with these drinks, I plan to collapse and forget, this wasted year, these wasted years... "Devoted friends," they disappear, and, "I'm sorry about the phone call and meeting you. Some decisions, you don't make. I guess it's just like breathing, and not wanting to. There are some things you can't fake." I guess that it's typical, to cling to memories, that, you'll never get back again. And to sort through old photographs, of a summer long ago, or a friend that you used to know, and there below his frozen face, that ancient name, that ancient place, that ancient date and, you can't believe he's really gone, and all that's left is a fucking song, and, I'm sorry about the phone call, and meeting you. I know that it is late, but thank you for talking, cuz I needed too. Yeah, some things just can't wait. Some things just can't wait. Yeah, this can't wait. Thank you. that's the best way I can explain how I feel about my birth anniversary. Support would be greatly appreciated. No bullies allowed at my birthday. You bully, I block por permanente. LOL
Gaurav251 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Man I am getting so many mixed feelings from that poem, sadness, regret, despair, anger, hope, I can just go on and on. I will be very honest here, I dont know what to say to make you feel happy, and I dont even know if your feeling down. But I can at least say that you are an amazing person and a great happy birthday to you!
A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I hate my birthday. Why are you saying, "happy birthday?"
Gaurav251 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Hmm, is there a specific reason why you hate your birthday? There are times where I just found my birthday unimportant and felt it was like any other day but I don't remember in my own life hating my birthday. Plus as to why I wish you happy birthday, wishing happy birthday's to people is pretty normal to me. I wish happy birthdays to people who say it is there birthdays at such and such date (after all its only once a year your birthday comes), it is just a kind gesture I developed while growing up, and I find it pretty normal to do so. I guess I wish people happy birthday because I expect people to do the same for me when my birthday comes.
A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Hmm, is there a specific reason why you hate your birthday? There are times where I just found my birthday unimportant and felt it was like any other day but I don't remember in my own life hating my birthday. Plus as to why I wish you happy birthday, wishing happy birthday's to people is pretty normal to me. I wish happy birthdays to people who say it is there birthdays at such and such date (after all its only once a year your birthday comes), it is just a kind gesture I developed while growing up, and I find it pretty normal to do so. I guess I wish people happy birthday because I expect people to do the same for me when my birthday comes. You never asked me if I wanted to be told "happy birthday." It's not fair to me or you. I don't like my birthday because I've never had a good one. Wishing me "happy birthday" is like a big "fuck you" to me. It's okay because you didn't know before, but please respect people's wishes.
Gaurav251 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Sorry if I offended you, its just I haven't met a person who's hated his birthday and takes it as an insult if wished happy birthday, so in that case I was ignorant. However I will say that you must have had a depressing childhood, and I am truly sorry that you have reasons to hate the day you were born. There's a part of me saying right now that by saying what I just said is just another insult being thrown at you, and once again, I apologize if it is. But it feels like to me you didn't just make a thread about your birthday and posted a depressing poem (what it looks like to me) for 'no reason', and rather it feels like a cry for help. Again could be bull crap coming from my mouth but its just from my personal experience. I will ask this though, was there a time that you didn't hate your birthdays? Or rather when did you start hating your birthdays? You don't have to answer it but I am just curious as how it came to end up in this way.
A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 What do you mean by "a cry for help?" I think you might be onto something. I think I did have a depressing childhood and I'm still grieving it. That's what "birthday" is to me, ...grieving the childhood I never had. Every year, I get one step closer to freedom from illusion such as, "I had a great family all along. They were just hiding."
Wesley Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 You never asked me if I wanted to be told "happy birthday." It's not fair to me or you. I don't like my birthday because I've never had a good one. Wishing me "happy birthday" is like a big "fuck you" to me. It's okay because you didn't know before, but please respect people's wishes. I would just like to point out that you titled this thread "Happy Birthday to Me".
A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I would just like to point out that you titled this thread "Happy Birthday to Me". It's the title of the song and poem. It's ironic, but I do see your point. Dammit. I can't edit the title, or, can I...? LOL
Wesley Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What do you mean by "a cry for help?" I think you might be onto something. I think I did have a depressing childhood and I'm still grieving it. That's what "birthday" is to me, ...grieving the childhood I never had. Every year, I get one step closer to freedom from illusion such as, "I had a great family all along. They were just hiding." It sounds to me that you were taking out some of your feelings on someone who was just trying to wish you a happy birthday. You never asked me if I wanted to be told "happy birthday." It's not fair to me or you. I don't like my birthday because I've never had a good one. Wishing me "happy birthday" is like a big "fuck you" to me. It's okay because you didn't know before, but please respect people's wishes. Your parents did not respect your wishes and you birthday reminds you of this. You project "your wishes not being respected" from your parents onto Gaurav who did not know your feelings about a situation, unlike your parents who knew everything about you and still rejected your wishes. Please tell me if I have it wrong, but people generally do not enjoy when this kind of things happen, especially when their intention was good wishes or to comfort you a bit.
A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 It sounds to me that you were taking out some of your feelings on someone who was just trying to wish you a happy birthday. Your parents did not respect your wishes and you birthday reminds you of this. You project "your wishes not being respected" from your parents onto Gaurav who did not know your feelings about a situation, unlike your parents who knew everything about you and still rejected your wishes. Please tell me if I have it wrong, but people generally do not enjoy when this kind of things happen, especially when their intention was good wishes or to comfort you a bit. How do you feel when I say "God loves you."? Theoretically, I'm a christianist and I mean well.
Wesley Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 If it was someone who I randomly met and passed by, I would take it at face value. Yes, I would think they are misguided and wrong, but they really only mean well wishes. Like someone who says "bless you" when I sneeze I say thanks, even though I know it comes from a time when people thought demons where exiting your system through sneezing. When I wish Merry Christmas to someone who happens to be Jewish, they do not get offended, but they return a Happy Hanukkah. Now if I met with a great friend who I knew for a long time, then I would talk with them about my feelings around the topic and hear their responses and we can talk about how we can deal with it in the future. This is vastly different than attacking someone who wishes you well more or less in passing. Someone who is in passing does not foster strong emotions, but people in your past like parents do. This why you look at parents and other caregivers and see if there was projection.
A.I. Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 If it was someone who I randomly met and passed by, I would take it at face value. Yes, I would think they are misguided and wrong, but they really only mean well wishes. Like someone who says "bless you" when I sneeze I say thanks, even though I know it comes from a time when people thought demons where exiting your system through sneezing. When I wish Merry Christmas to someone who happens to be Jewish, they do not get offended, but they return a Happy Hanukkah. Now if I met with a great friend who I knew for a long time, then I would talk with them about my feelings around the topic and hear their responses and we can talk about how we can deal with it in the future. This is vastly different than attacking someone who wishes you well more or less in passing. Someone who is in passing does not foster strong emotions, but people in your past like parents do. This why you look at parents and other caregivers and see if there was projection. I understand your hesitation. Do you believe "forgiveness" is a "virtue," "Live and let live?" If I say to you, "congratulations on not shitting your pants in public this time!" and I meant this as a genuine compliment, would it not seem in conflict of your interests, and be seen as bullying? What if you wanted to shit your pants in public and were frustrated that you could not due to constipation? Wouldn't that "gesture of kindness" be seen as mockery? From the emotional overtones and tags in the original post, It is pretty obvious to anyone with emotions and empathy to infer that I didn't like my birthday and I see guav's first response to be a passive-aggressive verbal attack on me. I feel threatened.
Wesley Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I understand your hesitation. Do you believe "forgiveness" is a "virtue," "Live and let live?" Not at all If I say to you, "congratulations on not shitting your pants in public this time!" and I meant this as a genuine compliment, would it not seem in conflict of your interests, and be seen as bullying? What if you wanted to shit your pants in public and were frustrated that you could not due to constipation? Wouldn't that "gesture of kindness" be seen as mockery? I do not understand how the analogy relates. No one has ever congratulated someone for not shitting themselves unless they were a child or disabled person where it was appropriate to congratulate it. I cannot think of a situation where anyone has ever wanted to shit themselves. From the emotional undertones in the original post, It is pretty obvious to anyone with emotions and empathy to infer that I didn't like my birthday and I see guav's first response to be a passive-aggressive verbal attack on me. I feel threatened. He obviously was trying to manage your emotions by trying to turn your feelings into happiness. However, it was not attacking. That was a feeling that you had that was triggered, which you then managed by taking out your anger and anxieties onto him. Even if he did attack you (which I cannot see) the answer is not to attack back, but to express true feelings. Not the conclusion of "you attacked me" but the feeling of "when you say that, it makes me feel _____" and then you look and analyze together whether it was him, or if it was you getting a trigger from your past and many such things. If this is not possible, then you still do not attack back, but just do not interact with them.
Freedomain Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 You never asked me if I wanted to be told "happy birthday." It's not fair to me or you. I don't like my birthday because I've never had a good one. Wishing me "happy birthday" is like a big "fuck you" to me. It's okay because you didn't know before, but please respect people's wishes. I spoke with AI about this thread and he's going to be taking a break from the message board for awhile.
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