Fear of Public Speaking

[Melesina]

As far back as age 6 or 7, I can recall having a fear of public speaking or performing. During my childhood years, I would experience immense anxiety when performing in piano recitals and also when giving the typical school classroom verbal reports. I would even despair over any "let's go around the class and introduce ourselves" situations (still do). Throughout my adult life, public speaking is quite often required in my work and I find myself grappling with the same anxiety.

 

The physical traits of the fear I experience are light-headedness, nausea, rapid heartbeat, and trembling. While fear is a basic survival mechanism, what exactly is it about public speaking or performing that makes my survival feel threatened? This is a question I've addressed numerous times over the years in an attempt to resolve what is termed as glossophobia.

 

Attempts at understanding this fearful reaction has included a lot of research in how to overcome it. There's always the age-old advice of 'know your material and your audience', 'practice makes perfect', 'relaxation techniques', and even being 'familiar with the presentation environment'. I've taken action to try all of these tips and, although they do help to mask the anxiety, none have truly explained the issue of why the fear presents itself in the first place or even come close to taking it away. They only serve to act as a bandage to cover what I'm coming to understand may be a much deeper seated issue.

 

I read an article online recently that stated "In almost every case...the fear has nothing to do with the speaker’s ability to talk clearly and fluidly or even to feel comfortable in front of a group. It’s usually connected to some other fear or past wound, like a parent’s disapproval, worry that colleagues will think you aren’t polished enough, or concern that you don’t have encyclopedic knowledge about your topic". Now this perspective might be onto something.

 

Can the fear of public speaking be due to past wounds or parental disapproval? If so, these past wounds would have apparently occurred for me when I was quite young, since I recall feeling this anxiety already at the age of 6 or 7. What I do remember of the years of piano lessons doesn't seem severe enough that it would have caused a phobia; unpleasant yes, but not life threatening. I personally don't have much of a memory of my childhood prior to the age of 5, other than a couple of memories that seem more like tidbits leftover from a dream. What if one doesn't remember what those early wounds might have been? How does one address them?

 

I haven't come across any podcasts yet that talk about this issue in particular, but at this early stage there are still a lot of podcasts I haven't heard yet. If anyone knows of any, let me know and I'll give them a top priority in my listening queue. I'd really like to prevail once and for all over this persistent phobia. Perhaps my fogging is so thick that I can't see where to begin. Any advise on what steps to take to begin this process is welcomed.

 

[cherapple]

Have you listened to the podcasts on social anxiety? 

[Wesley]

This may be slightly off-topic, and if so I am sorry for that, but I had a health teacher who pointed out to my class in high school that more people fear public speaking than those who fear death. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-real-story-risk/201211/the-thing-we-fear-more-death

 

It was stated to me that "If there was a funeral, more people would prefer to be in the casket than giving a eulogy" which I think is somewhat exaggerating it, but the sentence still stuck in my head.

 

In order to support Cheryl's post, here are the podcasts that came out of a search of "social anxiety":

 

FDR1152 Social Anxiety -- A Couple Convo

http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1152_Social_Anxiety_Couple_Convo.mp3

 

FDR1702 Social Anxiety

http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1702_Social_Anxiety.mp3

 

FDR1730 Social Anxiety Part Two

http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1730_social_anxiety_part_2.mp3

 

FDR1950 Social Anxiety - A Listener Convo

http://media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1950_social_anxiety_convo.mp3

[Pepin]

Just curious, do you feel anxious, as the raw emotion? Or do do you feel dissociated from the anxiety, but still get the effects of it. Like you feel pretty level in your head and you don't feel the anxiety, but you find that your hands are trembling and when you speak your voice has that wavering characteristic.

[Nathan H. Hoffner]

He has one called "Effective Public Speaking" in the gold donator section.   

[Melesina]

Cheryl & Wesley:

Thank you for referencing the podcasts. I've heard that particular series; they were the few that showed up when I did a search for 'anxiety' on FDR, so I had listened to them right away. I will definitely give them another listen. There wasn't anything the first time in listening that seemed to apply; however, perhaps it didn't register with my psyche the first time around. I know there are other podcasts I've re-listened to before, but they seem like new material when I replay them and I wonder how I could have missed such key points the first time.

 

Wesley,

I had also come across that quote recently. I debated with myself about whether to use it in my post, but I wasn't quite sure where to find a place for it. It's a good one though and I think it will be stuck in my head too lol. On a side note, how did you add the players for each podcast directly in the forum? That's so awesome! I have to learn more about the techie features available on this site. Okay, now my newb side is showing lol.

 

Pepin,

I definitely feel the anxiety through and through at those times. It feels like a total takeover of both body and mind. Along with the physical traits I described, my mind also becomes disoriented and struggles to even remember what I've been preparing to say. It begins before ever stepping in front of a group to speak. It's like a 'fight or flight' response, except the overwhelming impulse is to escape, run, or hide; anything to make the impending focus go away. I had always considered anxiety in and of itself to be an emotion and the physical reaction to be a symptom of it's onset.

 

Nathan,

Thank you. I'm hoping to be able to make a donation soon that will provide access to the premium material. It will be the first podcast I look up.

 

Thank you all. This is certain to be an ongoing learning process. I know I've walked away from opportunities in the past because of this fear. One day I hope that avoidance won't be the answer.

 

...I nearly deleted that last sentence, but it wiggled it's way right out through my fingers onto the keyboard. It wasn't until I re-read what I typed that it seemed a bit profound. Going to leave it for further reflection.

[Wesley]

On a side note, how did you add the players for each podcast directly in the forum? That's so awesome! I have to learn more about the techie features available on this site. Okay, now my newb side is showing lol.

If you post a .mp3 link then it automatically converts it to a player. I go to the podcasts page and find a podcast and then right click on it. Then I select copy audio link and then paste it here. The forum software does the rest.

[Magnus]

There's a scene in Broadcast News where Albert Brooks fills in as the TV news anchor. He's the smartest newsman working there, but in the big chair, he starts sweating like crazy, and in typical Albert Brooks fashion, he has the presence of mind to make deadpan jokes about it during the commercial breaks, as the stage hands are frantically mopping up his perspiration.

 

I had that happen to me for a while when I was in college. The worst was in a language class (which are interactive). I had some kind of weird Singing in the Rain moment when I was asked a question (even though I did fine). Around that time I'd developed a kind of social anxiety where I found it uncomfortable to just walk around in public on campus. It was completely irrational since I didn't physically stand out in any way and was essentially indistinguishable in appearance from the thousands of other students swarming around the buildings between classes.

 

I wish I could lay out a method for you for solving that problem, but I do know it can be done. I'm now a criminal lawyer, and I speak in public for a living. If I can do it, anyone can.

 

My first appearance as a lawyer was before a federal judge. It was not pretty. I was intimidated by the judge before I ever started because she had recently thrown another lawyer from our office out of her courtroom for abusing the subpoena power. It was bad -- I started sweating, I tried to pull the desktop microphone toward me and only succeeded in causing reverberating echos in the room and then accidentally unplugging it. I talked too fast. Too softly, then too loudly ... Just bad. Awkward for me and everyone watching.

 

The symptoms are literally a fear of death. They are the fight or flight response. The reason that familiarity and practice help you overcome this response, I believe, is that with each public speaking event, you are convincing your brain that you are not, in fact, at risk of death. It won't actually kill you. It takes time to convince your brain, though -- repeated demonstrations of the fact that you will survive, not just reassuring self-talk.

 

Once your brain learns that this particular fear is largely illusory (or at least it's not genuinely life-threatening), your body will gradually stop preparing for an imminent demise.

[LovePrevails]

Hey, have you got some nice friends you can present 5 or 10 minute presentations to? I'm sure if you do this once a week the 10th won't be nearly as scary as the first 3

[Mister Mister]

Just a funny anecdote this made me think of.  I remember in HBO's Talking Funny, Ricky Gervais was saying something about how the comedian needs to be humble and involve the crowd, not act like he is more important than them. Jerry Seinfeld responded "Of course you're more important than them! You're the only person in the room who is talking!"But I can certainly relate to feeling nervous in front of crowds.  I have been performing in a musical capacity for over 10 years, and now I rarely get nervous, but I certainly used to.  The only recent times I can remember was my Senior Recital in music school, and a funeral of a close friend.  I still get a bit nervous with public speaking, tend to stumble over words, freeze up, etc.  Even when I perform I don't like to talk much as it makes me uncomfortable.  I tend to think that part of this is natural.  If you watch a little kid playing, enjoying himself, as soon as he/she realizes they're being watched, they will tend to freeze up.  Or if they enjoy singing for their parents, then the parents put them on the spot to sing in front of others, they get very nervous.  If you've ever been at a party, and were having a conversation that attracts people's attention, and feel the room quiet down and all the eyes come to you, you can feel a significant change in your body.  Normally if someone is watching or listening to you, the tendency is to try to empathize, to understand what is their motivation, what is their perception of you.  When a large number of people are doing this, it becomes overwhelming.  It's like a kind of empathy resonance overload that takes some getting used to.  This is just my crackpot theory, take it for what it's worth. 

  One thing I have come to believe as a performer is that this nervousness we get is really a source of power, a strength rather than a weakness.  A lot of techniques that people will tell you involve imagining they are not there, or that they are naked or something.  I think this is entirely the wrong approach.  I find that with experience, I have learned to embrace the moment, and let it push me to be my best.  Learning to breathe and calm my mind and emotions has been very helpful here.  Get in some practice, whether it is speaking in front of a mirror or doing it in front of a friend, part of the anxiety comes from doubt about your competence.  If you have a lot of reps doing the speech and kicking ass at it, you ought to feel a bit more comfortable doing it in front of others.  Also getting experience with less pressure - Open mics are great for this!  Just some thoughts, good luck with your troubles.

[Melesina]

Wesley,

Thank you for the info about how to post a podcast link.

 

Magnus,

I enjoy Albert Brooks’ humor. I tried to find a clip of it on youtube, but it doesn’t seem to be on there.

Although this fear is isolating while experiencing it, hearing of others’ experiences who have gone through this struggle helps me to know that I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your experiences and especially in such an open and honest way. And so eloquently too! I could literally visualize your first appearance as a lawyer. I found myself wishing there was something I could have been there to do to help in that moment; replug the mic, something, anything.

It’s especially comforting and encouraging to hear about your success in overcoming this phobia! That, to me, is a pretty awesome accomplishment. Congratulations.

 

LovePrevails,

I know you’re right. I should be persistent in continuing to practice. And I definitely need to find people to rehearse in front of, because my cats seem bored and confused when I direct my speech rehearsals to them.

 

RoseCodex,

You presented a perspective I hadn’t ever considered. You’re right. People do tend to change their behavior depending on their external environment. Do you feel there’s the possibility we try not only to understand their motivation or perception of us, but that maybe we go beyond and try to live up to the expectations we perceive they have of us? And in trying to do so, we cause ourselves to get overwhelmed?

I really like your perspective on seeing the nervousness as a source of strength as opposed to a weakness! I had truly never thought to approach it that way. It makes me want to give it a try. Now that’s an accomplishment in itself…getting me to ‘want’ to do any public speaking lol!

Your positive approach of learning to embrace the moment is inspiring. Thank you very much for your thoughts and well wishes! You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.

[Magnus]

Melesina, the clip from the movie is here, at Daily Motion.

 

As it turns out, there was a federal marshal there, since the hearing had a prisoner as a witness.  The marshal took it on himself to sneak over to my table to plug the mic back in.  (No one told me there would be microphones.)

[Melesina]

Magnus,

Thank you for sharing the link. Oh my gosh, it was both funny and painful to watch.

I truly feel for you in that situation. I would have been plugging in your mic, getting you a glass of water, and giving you a hug (or at least a good ol' pat on the back for reassurance).